


Wicked Like You Are

by inaudible_d



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Neighbors, Alternate Universe - Serial Killers, Angry Sex, Barebacking, Body Worship, Community: arashi_exchange, Dirty Talk, Foreplay, Hair-pulling, Kitchen Sex, M/M, Masturbation, Minor Character Death, Non-Graphic Violence, Past Child Abuse, Strangulation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-25
Updated: 2016-09-25
Packaged: 2018-08-17 06:13:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 44,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8133331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inaudible_d/pseuds/inaudible_d
Summary: Two days after moving to a new place, Jun finds out that his neighbor loves to blast loud music at inappropriate time. Jun doesn’t like the music, but apparently the neighbor is cute.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [xdestroying](https://archiveofourown.org/users/xdestroying/gifts).



> Written for Arashi Exchange 2016.

Jun looks around as he tosses the last empty box that he has used to pack his belongings. It’s going to be his new place from now on, and he likes what he sees. It’s not much, but it’s an upgrade from his previous apartment.

After years of financial struggle, making ends meet by having a roommate and living in a small and shady neighborhood, he finally has a place good enough not only to live in, but also to live comfortably in.

It’s not so big and spacious, the place. But it’s a huge upgrade from the previous one, so Jun’s content with that. There’s a unit beside his, and the wall separating the two places seems to be thin, but Jun doesn’t want to worry about that now.

The unit beside him is the only one other than his on that floor anyway. Nobody has shown up when Jun was busy moving his things, so for all Jun knows, the place next door might be empty.

Jun walks to his living room to look at his movie collection stacked in a tall rack beside his TV. Finally, he can have a place big enough to store his most precious belongings. Now he doesn’t have to worry about his collection eating up his space.

\---

It’s Monday. Jun has been butchered up at work; the amount of things he has to deal with is preposterous. It’s the tax season, and their clients are all in dire need of having their statements reviewed. The situation leaves Jun no other option but to sit on his desk all day, through his lunch break too, even, working his ass off to finish his part of the work for the day.

He has snapped at his coworkers twice today, and if not for his stress ball, he might have snapped more times than that.

On the way home, Jun’s only wish is to crash on his bed and sleep as soon as he reaches his door. Forgetting the stressful day he just had, hoping for a fresh start tomorrow.

Unfortunately for Jun, upon arriving home, he hears something from the next door unit. Someone is clearly living in there. And that someone, clearly, doesn’t seem to be sensible enough to understand what ‘loud music’ is.

Jun sighs as he walks past it to unlock his door. If he hadn’t been so drained, if he’s not so close to snap in the face of a stranger, he would have knocked the new neighbor’s door and asked for an explanation. He doesn’t want to be kicked out by yet another landlord because of his horrible temper.

So Jun unlocks his door, takes his shoes off, and heads to his bedroom. He washes his face and has a warm shower, sighing in relief as it provides him the comfort he needs.

When Jun leaves the bathroom and heads to bed half an hour later, he can’t believe his luck. The neighbor’s music is reverberating through the thin wall. It’s not very loud, but it’s more than a faint noise that he can ignore.

Jun takes a deep breath, trying to contain himself. He keeps reminding himself not to rush out of his place and bang on the neighbor’s door.

After a moment, Jun finally gains control of his emotions again. He ruffles through his drawer and takes the earplugs he usually uses for traveling. He puts them in his ears, and the music is no longer audible.

Jun sighs, at least for now he can sleep without any deafening noise to bother him. He makes a mental note to talk to his neighbor tomorrow.

\---

The next morning, when Jun locks his front door before leaving for work, Jun hears a greeting from his right side. Jun glances to see a guy in a similar work attire as his—shirt, slacks, tie, and jacket—standing in front of the next unit’s door.

Jun nods at the guy, remembering the loud music from last night but isn’t too thrilled to have a conversation. Not now, not when he’s just leaving for work. He doesn’t want to go to work with a foul mood.

The guy, unfortunately, doesn’t agree with what Jun has in mind.

“Um, hi,” he says, “My name is Sakurai Sho, and as you can see, I live next door”. He points his finger at his door. Jun finds the gesture cute. “I’m sorry about last night? I honestly didn’t know someone lives in there. I mean, it was still unoccupied last week.”

Okay, this Sakurai guy is cute, Jun decides, but he doesn’t have time for this. A pile of documents waits for him on his computer, ready to be reviewed. He sighs, keeping his temper in check, and replies, “Just please don’t do that again, I had to put on earplugs last night because of that.”

Sakurai chuckles. He has a nice laugh that Jun can appreciate, despite him being an asshole with the music last night. “I’m sorry. I will try my best to prevent that from happening again.”

Jun nods, even though he finds Sakurai’s promise bothering. What do you mean you’ll try your best? I want no music at all, Jun thinks, but doesn’t say.

“Well, then, I have to leave for work,” Jun nods before he heads to the elevator.

“Can you tell me your name, at least?” Sakurai asks from behind him. “I mean, we’re neighbors. Aren’t we supposed to know each other?”

Jun stops and shoots a menacing look across his back to where Sakurai still stands. He mumbles, “My name is Matsumoto Jun. Good to see you, although it would have been better if there’s no loud music involved.”

Sakurai chuckles again, Jun starts to wonder when he will stop doing that because it’s honestly distracting. “I’m truly sorry about that.”

Sakurai bows slightly and Jun replies it by raising his eyebrows. Well, the morning isn’t started very poorly, Sakurai is cute when he laughs.

\---

It’s been three days since Jun first heard the loud music from his neighbor’s place. It’s been two days since he saw Sakurai’s face. Jun has almost forgotten about his neighbor situation, but apparently his neighbor won’t him forget that easily.

It's Thursday night, Jun arrives at his place feeling more than just a little tipsy. He just got home after having an after-work drinking with his colleagues. He doesn’t usually go for that on a weekday. But it’s Thursday, he can let himself loosen up as he has done almost all of his work for the week.

When Jun reaches his floor, he feels thankful that he’s drunk enough not to care that his neighbor blasts loud music again. He knocks the door for a good measure, but he goes inside his unit before Sakurai opens it.

The music stops after that, but Jun finds himself awake at three in the morning to even louder music from his neighbor. Grunting, he reaches blindly for his earplugs—thank goodness he keeps them on the top of the drawer—and rolls himself back to sleep.

He goes to work the next morning feeling like a walking dead. And when he tries to knock Sakurai’s door before he leaves, the door doesn’t open even after he waits for five minutes.

\---

The weekend passes by fast and peaceful, and suddenly it’s Monday again. Jun is reading a billing document on his laptop when Aiba comes to his desk. He comes with a promise of a good looking barista and an offer of a free cup of good coffee.

Of course, Jun will choose that over looking at numbers on his laptop. His eyes can use a break.

A couple of minutes later, they’re sitting at the new coffee shop across their office. Jun has a cup of latte while Aiba nurses a cup of frappuccino—which name Jun can’t remember—with a lot of colorful topping. Aiba’s best friend, Nino, tags along too.

They all work for the same company, but while Jun and Aiba are in the accounting department, dealing with clients’ request, Nino is an account manager.

They became friends because they entered the company at the same time. Aiba is a chatty guy who always starts the conversation with strangers. Jun and Nino were the unlucky strangers. Over the years, they stayed together, though, because they’re dragging Jun everywhere, and Jun actually find the company to be delightful.

Aiba promised that the new coffee shop has a lot of attractive baristas. Jun is quite sure Nino has come on the same promises. Nino likes free stuff, and he likes good-looking men. Although, after a brief scan of the place, Jun can’t really find anyone decent.

“So, is there anything interesting, guys?” Aiba wriggles his eyebrows. He loves asking for what’s going on in Jun’s and Nino’s lives. On his worst days, Jun can get annoyed by that.

This afternoon, though, Jun takes the opportunity to tell both of his friends about his new problem.

“Apparently, the unit next to mine is occupied,” Jun began, “And he’s really loud. He keeps playing this hip-hop American music. I’m pretty sure he played almost all of The Black Eyed Peas album last night.”

“Hasn’t that band broken up already?” Nino replies quickly.

Jun strikes a look at him, “That’s not my point, Nino. He plays loud music, and I had to put earplugs when I sleep or I will be up all night. What is this guy’s problem, really?”

Nino scoffs and sips on his drink; he has the most expensive frappuccino from the menu, he said that when he ordered since Aiba is paying.

Aiba smiles, “So, is that neighbor cute?”

Jun takes a breath in exasperation. Aiba tends to do that whenever Jun or Nino complain about anyone; since the both of them are single. Aiba married his high school girlfriend a year ago, and since then he hasn’t stopped trying to hook Jun and Nino with practically anyone he knows.

His favorite match-making, however, is telling Jun and Nino to ‘get together already’ since they’re both ‘gay, single, good-looking, and make good friends, what can go wrong?’.

It’s not that Jun and Nino never took that advice; they went on one date in the past. It led to sex, and it felt nice, but both of them agreed that they weren’t fit for each other. Nino isn’t patient enough to deal with Jun’s temper every time.

“Well, I met him yesterday morning,” Jun takes a sip of his coffee, “He’s pretty cute.”

Nino and Aiba exchanges a surprised look.

“Then go and fuck him quiet already,” Nino says, which earns him a smack on the back of the head from Aiba.

“Watch your mouth, Nino. Don’t talk like that to Matsujun! He might get mad at you!” Aiba scolds him, but he’s laughing.

“Said the person who gets snapped at for at least twice a day,” Nino replies, earning himself another smack from Aiba.

Jun sighs. Sometimes he wonders why he has them as friends.

“What I’m saying is, Jun-kun, you don’t say cute to just anybody you see—”

“That’s not true! I’m pretty sure I’ve said that you’re cute one time in the past!”

Nino’s face lit up, and Jun hates it so much to see the glint in Nino’s eyes; it makes him feel as if he’s done something horribly wrong.

“Why thank you, I’m flattered that you think so—shut up, Aiba-shi, and stop moving your chair, it’s creaking!—but my point is, why don’t you go and talk to them about the loud music problem?” Aiba nods enthusiastically from their side.

“Well, the first day I was too exhausted to have a fight with a stranger. Besides, I didn’t know how loud it was until I was ready to go to bed and at that time I was too tired even to think about it. Last Thursday I was drunk, so I didn’t felt like talking—”

“Didn’t you feel like fucking—ouch! Ouch! Aiba-san! That hurts for real!—Sorry. I’m just suggesting you speak to him about that, trying to figure out a solution. And get to know him better, probably. You guys live next to each other. You’re single. He’s cute. So?”

“What does that have to do with anything? I don’t even know that he’s single! Or if he’s into men! Besides, what does it have to do with my actual problem?”

“I’m just saying,” Nino laughs, “That you should try to get along with your neighbor!”

“Yeah, like you get along with your neighbor,” Jun glares at Nino.

“Actually, I do!”

“Why are you guys not dating again?” Aiba says, getting himself glares by the two other men.

“Well at least that stops your bickering,” Aiba laughs, lifting his empty cup from the table. “I need to go back to the office soon. You guys gonna come with me or stay here and continue the married couple fight?”

The three of them left the coffee shop after that, with Nino complaining that ‘none of the baristas are hot’. Aiba replies by saying that the one he likes the most isn’t around today.

They continue talking about the baristas on their way back to the office, but Jun doesn’t listen. He thinks about the amount of work he still has to do and calculates if he can make it home early and sane today; he needs to talk to his neighbor.

He doesn’t want to sleep with earplugs again tonight, in case his neighbor chooses today to blast his music.

\---

Jun sends the email containing the last paperwork for the day. He checks the clock at the corner of his laptop; it’s 4.30 p.m. He gets off work at five because the company won’t let them leave before, but usually, Jun has to go home way past five because he has to finish his work for the day.

Jun has to remind himself to thank Aiba when they meet again. The short trip to the coffee shop that afternoon helps him to be more productive than usual. He’s able to finish all his job for the day half an hour before his time to go home.

On his way home, Jun walks to the train station slowly, allowing himself not to rush this time. It feels nice to get off work early since he doesn’t get that chance often.

When Jun arrives home, he meets Sakurai in the hallway. He looks a bit messy, not as fresh as when he stood in front of his door this morning, but he still looks decent in Jun’s eyes. He nods, Sakurai does too, and walks to his door to open it.

Jun has to pass Sakurai’s door to reach his own. It wasn’t that he wanted to peek, he didn’t even realize Sakurai’s door was open, but it’s too late to turn his head to the other way. He sees another guy inside Sakurai’s house, his back facing the door while he bends to take off his shoes. Jun unlocks his door without thinking too much about it.

Later, when he’s fixing himself a simple pasta dish, he wonders about it. So Sakurai invites people inside his house. Probably the loud music was because he was partying.

But on weekdays? Jun has nothing against parties, but he has heard enough for the past week. If he hears the loud music tonight too, he swears to himself that Sakurai has to pay the price.

Jun eats his food while watching some evening news on TV, liking what he watches. There’s yet another news report of someone being murdered this morning. The last one was just last Friday. There aren’t usually that many amounts of murders committed in one week, it makes Jun feel quite elated.

The body was found under a bridge, near a huge tree. It was said that the body might be placed there after he was killed; there was no evidence that the murder took place there. The poor guy was murdered with a knife, three stabs on his chest and abdomen being his reason of death.

Jun squints at his TV. The news doesn’t show clearly the body of the deceased, which disappoints him a bit. He wants to see how the dead body looks like.

The news then focuses on the fact that the victim was a man who committed a violent rape case in the past. “Serves him right. People who committed rape doesn’t deserve to live,” Jun takes a bite of his food.

When the murder report is over, Jun finds nothing else of the news interesting. So he goes to the kitchen to wash his dish. When it’s done, he looks around his apartment, trying to find something interesting to do, but he can’t find it.

He decides to call it a night. His neighbor has been quiet the whole time too, so Jun thinks that he’ll probably be able to sleep without his earplugs tonight; he needs to buy some new ones, he totally forgets it.

But apparently, Jun doesn’t have his best luck today. When Jun turns off the lamp in his living room and walks to the bathroom, he hears it.

There’s an R&B music from the next door, and it’s as loud as the one interrupting his sleep last night. Jun takes a deep breath and turns on his heels. He doesn’t care that Sakurai is hosting another party in his house, and he has his guests; Jun needs his good night’s sleep.

It takes Sakurai a while to open the door even after Jun knocks for a couple of times; the music is still loud the whole time. When Jun lifts his hand to knock again—Jun’s sure that Sakurai is inside, else he’ll be leaving music on when he’s out, and that will be even more unforgivable—Jun hears the door being unlocked from inside. He pulls his arm down before the door swung open.

Jun takes a deep breath when he sees Sakurai behind the door. Sakurai doesn’t wear any top, and he only wears a pair of shorts which doesn’t even cover half of his thighs. Jun can’t help himself from checking Sakurai out; he has great abs, and is that a piercing on his navel?

“Can I help you with anything?” Sakurai asks, snapping Jun out of his thoughts.

Jun blinks a couple of times; he already forgets why he’s there. But then his sense catches up, and he hears the music again.

“Ah right,” Jun shakes his head and forces himself to bring his eyes to Sakurai’s face again. “Your music. Can you turn it down? I can hear it from my place, and I would _really_ like for some peaceful sleep now. If you don’t mind?”

Jun mentally scolds himself because he already has this whole speech of ‘please be a good neighbor’ prepared, but he said that Sakurai should turn the music down if he doesn’t mind.

Sakurai lifts one of his eyebrows. “Oh, sure thing. I’m sorry that I disturbed you. I was just… working,” he lifts a corner of his lips, “Anything else?”

Jun clears his throat, stopping himself from staring at how Sakurai’s collarbones move; he also has this quite enchanting shoulders.

Then he immediately curses himself internally because the next thing he knows, he already says, “Are you free this weekend? Would you like to come for dinner at my place? You know, we’re neighbors, we’re supposed to know each other better.”

Sakurai’s face breaks into a grin before he says, “That would be great. I have nothing to do this weekend, and I would love to come to your place. Thank you for inviting.”

“Ah, no problem,” Jun tries to smile back at Sakurai, but he knows his face must look quite weird at the moment.

“If that’s all, Matsumoto-san, I think I need to get back to work right now, if you don’t mind.”

“Oh. Sure thing, I’m sorry for interrupting your work, but the music was quite,” Jun makes a gesture with his hands to cover his ears.

Sakurai chuckles, “Sure, sure. I’m sorry. In fact, please wait.”

Sakurai walks inside but lets the door open. He reaches to the low table to turn down the volume of his music.

From the outside, however, all Jun can see is Sakurai bending down to reach the table. The fabric of the shorts clings, showing the curve of Sakurai’s ass. Jun swallows as he tries to calm himself down. His neighbor has some nice abs and a great ass.

Probably he has to be thankful for the loud music instead.

“How is it now?” Jun jumps a bit in surprise when he realizes Sakurai standing at the door. Sakurai’s shoulders move as he giggles at Jun’s reaction.

“Ah, yeah, it’s better now,” Jun nods his head. He has actually stopped caring about the music. “I need to—well I will go back now,” he stammers, “thank you for the understanding.”

“No problem,” Sakurai smiles, “I’m sorry for being too loud. So, see you this weekend?”

“See you this weekend,” Jun nods. He keeps standing in front of Sakurai’s door as Sakurai closes it.

Jun stills in a daze for a couple of moments after that. When he finally snaps out, he walks back to his place and closes the door behind him. He then takes a shower, which was interrupted before thanks to Sakurai aka the neighbor with a great ass.

The water is set to cold; Jun never takes a cold shower before bed, but else he would want to jerk himself off in the shower.

The cold water trick work for some time. Jun can finish showering and put on his clothes without thinking too much about his neighbor’s ass. When Jun tucks himself in bed later all warm and comfy, however, it’s hard to stop his mind from wandering off.

Jun isn’t comfortable jerking off while having a mental image of someone he actually knows in real life except it’s his partner. But there’s just something about Sakurai that makes him hard when he remembers the guy. Probably it’s his loud music that triggers Jun’s reaction.

Probably the fact that his neighbor opened the door in nothing but a pair of boxers.

Or probably, Jun swallows, it’s the fact that Sakurai has a nice ass that looks so tempting to lay a hand on.

With that image in mind, Jun is sure that he won’t be able to get some sleep anytime soon, counting in that his work today didn’t leave him spent like usual. He moves his hand down, reaching under his pants. He sighs in relief when he feels his hand around his cock.

Jun isn’t hard, but it doesn’t take long for him to be. He starts slow, some loose strokes and a squeeze now and then. He doesn’t rush himself, taking his time as he fumbles with his balls.

It doesn’t take long before he’s fully hard and wanting more friction, and then he starts fucking his own fist. He imagines his neighbor all the while. The neighbor with an ass he would love to squeeze while shoving his cock deeper inside.

He comes a couple of minutes later with a scream he isn’t able to muffle in time. It’s been so long for him to lose himself masturbating like that.

Now he wishes Sakurai has his loud music on. He can only hope that Sakurai won’t be able to hear him from next door.

\---

Jun sighs as he looks at his reflection in the mirror. Everything he wears looks wrong. He isn’t usually one to be anxious about his choice of clothes, but tonight he just can’t decide. He keeps reminding himself that this is not a date. He’s just going to have a friendly dinner with the new neighbor.

The new neighbor with nice abs and a very perky ass, that is.

Jun shakes his head and tries to focus back on his reflection. He’s wearing a long-sleeved dark purple shirt and black jeans. He eyes at the vest that’s lying on the bed. He wanted to wear the vest, but even now, he feels overdressed already.

Just when he puts on a black v-neck to replace his shirt, he hears a knock on the door. What a good timing, Jun thinks to himself. He glances at the clock on his phone, and it was five minutes before the time they had agreed before.

Sakurai is punctual, and Jun finds himself liking it.

Jun opens the door to Sakurai—fully clothed now, thankfully—grinning while holding a bottle of wine. He’s wearing a brown shirt and blue jeans, and there’s an expensive looking watch encircling his wrist.

“Hello,” Sakurai greets, dragging the ‘o’ sound at the end, his lips jutting out—it reminds Jun of a chipmunk.

Jun smiles in returns and ushers Sakurai to get inside.

“I’m glad I decided against just wearing shorts and my sleeping t-shirt,” Sakurai chuckles, “You look great, I’d have been too underdressed.”

Jun blushes involuntarily. It’s been quite a long time since anyone complimented on his look so casually. He mumbles a thank you before leading Sakurai to the dining table.

Sakurai lifts the bottle of wine on his hand, raising his eyebrows at Jun.

“Oh. Here, let me take care of that,” Jun takes the bottle and sets it aside.

Sakurai assumes a seat on one of the chairs and he smiles as he observes Jun going around his kitchen. “So, what’s the occasion?”

Jun’s shoulders tense. He didn’t expect Sakurai to ask that question. “Nothing, I just want to start all over.”

Jun blinks, realizing something was wrong with his words, and then he turns quickly to face Sakurai, “I mean, we didn’t exactly get on the right terms when we first met. I was still mad at you for the loud music you played the previous night, and then I left you rudely just like that, you know. Just take this as a token of a good will from your new neighbor.”

Sakurai just nods at Jun’s explanation. “Well, yeah, I’m sorry about that,” Sakurai scratches the back of his neck, his elbow crooked in the air. “It’s just that I really can’t work without listening to music, and I didn’t realize how loud it was.”

Jun lifts his palm in the air, stopping Sakurai’s explanation. “Relax, I’m not here to scold you about that or anything—”

Jun’s sentence is cut midway by a grumbling from Sakurai’s stomach.

Jun catches Sakurai blushing, and he laughs. “See? We should have just gotten straight to the dinner.”

“I’m sorry,” Sakurai mumbles, his head ducked down.

“That’s fine,” Jun replies, his fondness of Sakurai doesn’t leave his eyes, “Let me just get my wine glasses a bit, okay?”

Sakurai nods, his face still red from the embarrassment. Jun couldn’t help but find his neighbor cute, all blushing like that.

After a moment, Jun returns to the dining table bringing his pasta dish on two plates. He put one plate in front of Sakurai and the other across it. Then he goes back to the kitchen to take the wine and the glasses. He puts them down and fills them up as Sakurai watches it all in silence.

There’s a glint in Sakurai’s eyes; that much is apparent. But Jun isn’t sure what causes it, so he says nothing.

When Jun has done serving the food, he sits down across Sakurai on the table. He looks at Sakurai fondly when he sees him looking at his food with interest.

“I hope you like pasta,” Jun says, making Sakurai look up to him, “I’m not sure what I should cook for you, so I decided to go with my best dish—let’s just eat it,” he smiles when Sakurai’s expression shifts, eyes gleaming with hope this time.

Jun stares in amusement as he watches Sakurai eats. He didn’t expect that it would feel really good to see someone eat his cooking with that excitement. Sakurai doesn’t make any gross sound when he eats. Instead, he keeps repeating ‘it’s good’ in between his munching. He looks adorable when he munches the food too.

Of all things, Jun didn’t expect that he would find his noisy neighbor to be that cute when he eats.

“Aren’t you going to eat that?” Sakurai pauses his eating when he sees Jun hasn’t touched his food, “Or shouldn’t I start eating before you do? I’m sorry! But I’m hungry, and this is excellent.”

Jun shakes his head and smiles, “No, it’s not that.”

Sakurai raises his eyebrows, “Then what?”

Jun smiles and shrugs as he lifts his fork to start eating, “Nothing. You seem to be enjoying my cooking so much it’s quite flattering.”

Sakurai’s mouth forms a silent ‘o’, and Jun has to resist himself to think about kissing him. Sakurai has plump lips, and him opening his mouth like that makes the lips look irresistible.

“I’m glad you enjoy my cooking, Sakurai-san,” Jun adds before returning his focus to his plate. He needs to stop staring at Sakurai no matter how attractive that guy is. They just met each other this week; Sakurai might find his staring creepy.

Sakurai starts a conversation when they’re eating. He tells Jun that he works in the marketing department for an office in Akihabara. Jun talks the fair share about his job; even though, unlike a marketing staff, there’s nothing exciting about an accountant’s job.

They also learn some things about their private lives and hobbies. Jun discovers that eating a home-cooked meal is a rare occurrence for Sakurai. Not only because his job keeps him busy—Jun’s job is like that too, most of the times—but he’s also too clumsy to even pick a knife in the kitchen.

Jun figures that must be why Sakurai has enjoyed his cooking so much, he practically worshiped them.

Jun also tells Sakurai that he likes cooking so much, he wishes he can do it more often. The nature of his job isn’t one to give him much time to spare. When he’s done and at home, he’s usually too tired to even think about fixing a simple meal for himself. Sakurai listens attentively, sometimes humming his assent in response.

In Jun’s opinion, Sakurai is also good at keeping the conversation. Whenever they touch a subject that neither of them seems to be very fond of discussing, he smoothly changes the topic to something else. He also makes some good jokes too; although Jun isn’t sure if he laughs because of the joke or because he just enjoys seeing Sakurai telling a joke.

They finish dinner not long after, though, and Jun then goes to fetch desserts, which is, actually, his favorite pint of ice cream. He didn’t plan to serve desserts, so he just takes anything that he has inside his fridge.

It’s just that when the dinner’s over, Sakurai will walk out the door and head back home. And Jun still wants him around because he finds Sakurai’s company delightful.

Sakurai’s eyes sparkle with glee when he sees the pint of ice cream, but he doesn’t say a thing. Jun doesn’t miss it, and so he put an extra scoop on Sakurai’s bowl. He’s not sure why he’s doing all of this; giving Sakurai so much attention. But probably because it’s not every day he meets anyone that he can enjoy being around.

Besides, he still feels quite guilty for making Sakurai the object of his activity last night. Sakurai being so polite and cute makes him feel even more guilty for doing that. It’s like he’s only using Sakurai’s body for his own pleasure while, in reality, Sakurai is a respectable person.

Even though it can’t be said that Jun is using him, since it all only happened in his imagination.

They finish the ice cream much too soon than Jun expects, and he frowns unconsciously. Sakurai’s time to go home is here.

“May I help you with the dishes?” Sakurai suddenly asks from the dining table when Jun puts down their ice cream bowls into the sink.

“It’s okay. I can do it myself later,” Jun answers, already walking back to the table. And you can go home right now if you want too, he doesn’t say out loud.

“No. Let me,” Sakurai stands up, “You said before that you like cooking, but you hate doing the dishes. Let me do that for you. I used half of that anyway.”

“You really don’t have to,” Jun mumbles his reply.

“You cooked for me, okay, let me do the dishes for you. I’m clumsy, all right. But I know my way around washing the dishes because that’s what my sister always makes me do when I have dinner at her place.”

“Well, you brought the wine,” Jun argues, even though it’s just for the sake of arguing. If he’s being honest, he really doesn’t want to do the dishes tonight; he just plans to let them soak and deal with them later.

Sakurai also has this determined look in his eyes. Jun isn’t quite sure why, but he finds it endearing.

“You gave me your ice cream,” Sakurai whines, “Move it. If you don’t let me do it, I’m going to do it myself.”

Jun chuckles. Well, letting Sakurai do the dishes means he will still have him around for a little bit more, so he moves aside to give way to Sakurai.

Sakurai spends the next half an hour washing the dishes, and Jun stands beside him to dry them. Sakurai keeps a light conversation, so they don’t have to do the chore in awkward silence.

It surprises Jun that he isn’t bothered by their proximity; standing next to each other in his small kitchen. Even Nino and Aiba make him uncomfortable sometimes when they stand too close.

Sakurai’s upper arm brushes with his occasionally, and Jun finds himself not minding it.

When the plates are all clean and spotless, Sakurai finally moves out of the kitchen and excuses himself. Jun doesn’t find it too hard to let him go home now. It’s already late and all Jun wants tonight is to take a warm bath before going to sleep.

“We should do this more often,” Sakurai says before Jun’s front door. “The dinner, I mean. I can bring you desserts next time if you don’t mind.”

Jun shakes his head a little bit too fast. “No, of course, I don’t mind. Next week? Here or at your place? Well since I’m cooking I think it’s easier to have it here?”

Sakurai seems to have an objection, but then he nods his agreement. “Sure. You’re the one cooking, you’re free to decide.”

“Great. Then see you next week.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t say that, Matsumoto-san. I live next door, we might even meet again tomorrow,” Sakurai laughs while putting Jun’s house slippers on the rack. He bends down when he does that, and Jun’s eyes leer at Sakurai’s ass. The material of the jeans is much thicker than the shorts from before, but there’s definitely no way hiding that perky butt.

When Sakurai straightens himself later, Jun finds Sakurai smirking a bit. Jun doesn’t know the reason for that, so he raises his eyebrows in question.

“I won’t play my music out loud again tonight, Matsumoto-san. So you can sleep well, I hope,” Sakurai bows before turning to open the door. But then he turns back just as fast, “Also I assume you notice that if you can hear me through the walls, it means I can hear you too, right?”

Jun blushes furiously at that. “You mean—”

“Good night, Matsumoto-san,” Sakurai walks out the door and closes it behind him before Jun even has the chance to return his farewell.

Jun moves forward to lock the door and then he turns around, his back resting on the door. He hides his face in his hands and curses.

He doesn’t think he’ll be able to face his neighbor come morning.

\---

Jun barely gets out of the shower when he hears it; the booming sound of bass and a faint vocal singing rap. Sakurai the cute neighbor is at it again. Jun huffs. He was going to go straight to bed after a shower, but now he supposes he can’t.

As much as he wants to knock Sakurai’s door to let him know about his annoyance, Jun still remembers what happened the last time he did. It was a pleasing experience for him; being greeted by his neighbor almost naked. But he doesn’t want a repeat of that.

He doesn’t want another version of himself snapping at Sakurai as soon as Sakurai opens the door for him, too.

Besides, who knows if he’ll be able to restrain himself from doing the same thing like last time? Sakurai gave the hint that he was aware of what Jun did, and Jun doesn’t want to allow Sakurai the fun of knowing that. They might be neighbors, but Jun would love to have his dignity intact.

Jun walks to his living room and looks at his stash of DVDs on the rack under his TV. He’s thinking about watching one of them to cover Sakurai’s noise. He said he only does that when he’s working. Well, Jun’s pretty sure that man can’t be working all night. He has a day job too, after all.

There isn’t a particular movie Jun wants to watch, however, so he spends quite a while perusing on DVD titles as he makes a pick. A moment later, he lays his eyes on the cover of the first movie of Saw. He pulls it from the stack and puts it on the player. That one is not as graphic as the other, it’s also light on the story. It’s Jun’s favorite to watch after a lazy day of work.

Not long after, Jun is entirely absorbed in watching the movie. Jun has memorized every minute of the film perfectly, but he still enjoys it nevertheless. He has watched the movie so many times that he no longer needs a subtitle to understand the dialogue.

Sakurai’s music still can be heard faintly, overpowering the occasional screams from the movie, but Jun doesn’t find himself so bothered by it now, watching one of his favorite movie of all time.

Probably he should have done this from the beginning. It will spare him from the embarrassment he feels from Sakurai’s teasing the other day, at least.

And this movie can always be a good way to channel his anger in a way that doesn’t harm anyone.

When one of the main characters lifts his saw in the movie, Jun cheers himself for his movie choice for tonight. He can feel the heat building up inside him, making him warm all over. Then the character brings the saw to his ankle, and Jun smiles.

Even though Jun doesn’t get to see the man cutting his foot off, Jun is glad enough that he can see blood oozing out from the actor’s ankle.

And then the movie goes on, and Jun cheers himself even more to watch the other protagonist in vain. The movie doesn’t show that this other guy dies too in the end, but seeing the tortured look on his face gives him so much pleasure.

When Jun finishes watching the movie, he notices that the loud music isn’t there anymore. He smiles, going to bed feeling satisfied and happy. It’s the first time since he moved to this place.

\---

The week flies by, and suddenly it’s weekend again. This time, Jun doesn’t waste so much time in front of the mirror. He, instead, chooses to spend more time cooking the dinner. He doesn’t make pasta this time, so the preparation is different than usual and he needs some more time.

When he hears a knock on his door, he’s still wearing his apron—a plain black one, his favorite. He opens the door and smiles when he sees Sakurai there. He’s dressed in a white v-neck this time, going more casual from the last time.

Apparently, Jun isn’t the only one who decided to dress down for the dinner.

Jun leads the way to the dining room, and Sakurai assumes the same seat as he had last week. He puts down a bag on the table and fumbles to get something out of that.

“I’m sorry I don’t bring wine this time,” Sakurai takes out a box from the bag, “But I bring this for desserts, I hope you’ll like it.”

Jun lifts his eyebrows, “Oh, that’s okay. I didn’t cook pasta anyway. It wouldn’t be fitting to have wine with omurice, don’t you think?”

Sakurai gasps a little, and Jun gets caught by surprise.

“I _love_ omurice,” Sakurai admits, grinning so wide it looks like his face must hurt from that.

Jun returns the smile, even though he’s sure he doesn’t have even half of Sakurai’s excitement, “Oh. I didn’t know that. Well, lucky guess?”

Of course, Jun can’t say that he has been inspired by the oozing blood from the other day when he watched Saw. Cooking pasta would be boring, and the blood reminded him of ketchup, so he had gone with that.

He can’t tell Sakurai about it, he guesses, seeing how much that guy seems to love omurice.

Sakurai laughs and opens the box he has on the table, “I hope this cake will be fitting for the desserts then.”

Jun peeks at the box, and he sees a whole tiramisu inside. His eyes grow bigger at the sight. Not because it’s a tiramisu—Jun sees tiramisu all the time—this one is just normal, round and has frosting in broken white color and chocolate powder at the top. What surprises him is the size of the cake.

It’s not big, actually, probably around 15 centimeters in diameter. The problem is, there are only the two of them and Jun is not a big eater. It worries him a bit that they might not be able to finish it.

Sakurai apparently detects the worry in Jun’s face because he asks what’s wrong. When Jun says that the cake is big, Sakurai laughs.

“Don’t worry, Matsumoto-san. I happen to love omurice _and_ cake. So while you can’t eat so much of it, I can’t have enough of it. Consider it a win-win,” then Sakurai’s expression changes, “Oh darn, I guess I have to help you with the dishwashing again if all I’m going to do tonight is eating like a pig.”

Jun laughs at that, and Sakurai just shrugs. Sakurai can read situations so well, it must have to do with his profession, Jun thinks. He then offers to put the cake in the fridge while they’re eating, and Sakurai lets him do so.

The dinner goes like the previous one, but both of them seem more comfortable than before. Jun finds himself talking more about his days and Sakurai reciprocates equally.

Sakurai couldn’t stop grinning and making happy sounds while he’s having his omurice. It makes Jun somehow feel warm in his stomach. He didn’t lie when he said it before; it feels nice to see someone enjoying the food he makes so much.

Especially if the one appreciating his food looks as cute as Sakurai when he does.

They have the cake later after the food. Jun slices the cake equally and puts them on two plates. When Sakurai sees the size of Jun’s slice, he frowns. Jun can’t help giggle when he sees that.

“Do you.. Do you need another slice?” Jun asks, his tone teasing.

Sakurai frowns and looks up at him, “Matsumoto-san. This is not a proper cake slice. I usually slice my cake at least twice bigger than this.”

Jun laughs. Sakurai’s passion for eating is unbeatable, he thinks. “Alright then, Sakurai-san. You can have mine too.”

“But—,” Sakurai pouts.

“I will get myself another one, okay,” Sakurai’s face breaks into a grin. He nods a little bit too enthusiastically for Jun’s standard.

They finally agree on the cake arrangement after Jun gets himself another slice. Sakurai gives him a thumb’s up when he sees Jun has a bigger slice than his previous one.

“This is good, okay, I mean it. You’ll regret it if you don’t have enough of it.”

“Really?” Jun lifts his fork and takes a bite of the cake. His eyes are blown out in surprise as he looks at Sakurai, and it results in Sakurai laughing at him. “This is delicious! Where did you get this?”

“Told you so,” Sakurai smiles, mocking. He has a bite of his cake too, “And not telling.”

“How mean!” Jun raises his tone, but end up laughing at himself.

Jun keeps praising Sakurai’s choice of cake while eating it. Sakurai just grins in return.

Sakurai stays after they finish the desserts to wash the dishes as he promised. Jun helps to dry the plates beside him. This time, Jun finds Sakurai’s presence even more comfortable. His mind wanders to what it would feel when they’re getting closer than that, but then he almost drops a plate, and he shakes his head to return his focus.

Moments later, when they’re both full and the dishes are all clean, and Sakurai is in the doorway, he pulls out his phone.

“Do you have plans for next weekend, Matsumoto-san?”

Jun is taken aback by the question. He already reserves his Saturday nights for Sakurai, for this dinner they promised to have every week. But that question sounds like Sakurai might have another plan for next week. For all Jun knows, it might not involve Jun at all.

It seems like Sakurai senses Jun’s worry, as he always does, because he adds, “I mean. I know that we have an agreement to have dinner at your place, you’re cooking and all. But there’s this place I have been wanting to go, and I kind of want to ask you to go there with me. If you don’t mind, that is.”

“Oh,” Jun blurts in relief, “Oh,” he repeats, hoping not to sound too relieved, “Well, no! I mean, no, I don’t mind at all, sure. We can go there next weekend.”

“Great! Can I have your contact information then?” Sakurai gives Jun his phone, and Jun puts his e-mail address there. He puts ‘Matsumoto Jun’ for the name, not sure if he should have put another information with it.

Jun returns the phone to Sakurai, who then clicks some buttons.

“I just sent you an email. Now you have my address too. I will send you the details later. If you don’t mind,” Sakurai smiles, to which Jun replies with a nod.

“Well, then, Matsumoto-san. I’m going home now,” Sakurai puts his phone back in his pocket and turns to the door.

But the next moment he turns back quickly and Jun looks at him, questioning.

Sakurai seems like he’s contemplating a bit, then, “Um.. Matsumoto-san, the other day, I’m sorry for blasting the music again.”

“The other day? Oh, that. Well, yeah. It’s alright. I found a way to distract myself until you finished, so that’s fine,” Jun shrugs.

“About that, um..,” Sakurai looks as if he’s thinking hard about something, “I, heard some woman screaming from my place. I was thinking to check to see that everything’s alright, but then I realized that I don’t have your contact information,” Sakurai pauses to breathe, “And I was afraid if I knock, I might, you know, interrupt your, intimate moment, or something.”

It takes a moment for Jun to let the words sink in. Then he realizes what Sakurai meant, and he can’t help blushing.

“It’s not— it’s not like that!” Jun replies, his voice goes a pitch higher, so he stops and clears his throat.

“I mean. No, it’s not that. I was watching a movie. There’s a lot of screaming in that movie, aside from that woman’s,” Jun explains awkwardly.

“Was it some hard-core porn?” Sakurai replies with a laugh, obviously trying to lighten up the mood.

But that only makes Jun blushes some more. “No! It was—it was a thriller movie.”

Jun can’t tell Sakurai what he watched exactly because he’s not sure how Sakurai’s going to take the fact that he’s a gore movie enthusiast.

“I see,” Sakurai smiles, “But yeah, still going to intrude you in your private moment if I did,” he laughs dryly.

“You don’t have to worry about that,” Jun replies, “I’m actually single and not looking for casual hookups either,” he doesn’t know why he tells Sakurai this, but he can’t stop mumbling, “And I’m gay, so even if I do, they won’t be women either.”

In front of Jun, Sakurai smiles wide. “Well, Matsumoto-san. I guess that makes two of us. Good night.”

With that, Sakurai turns to the door and leaves.

Jun can only throw a fierce look to the door. Did Sakurai ask that on purpose? Had he somehow expect Jun to explain things that way?

Does that mean they will have a date next week?

\---


	2. Chapter 2

The office’s cafeteria is packed with people who want cheaper options for their lunch. People are forming a line in front of the cashier’s table, bringing their trays with various kind of food.

Jun watches the line with amusement in his eyes. He, along with Nino and Aiba, ditched work before lunch time to avoid being in that line. It’s not exactly responsible, but being in line while hungry has been proven to make Jun snappish.

Aiba and Nino had enough of handling with irritable Jun the early days of their friendship; Jun used to snap a lot only because the both of them had no idea of what could irritate Jun. Now that they know, they don’t want to have a taste of it again.

They proposed the idea of leaving before lunch time some years ago after Jun told them that crowds made him feel uneasy. Jun was too happy to agree to their idea. Besides, they make up leaving early for lunch by starting work before the break is over.

Jun returns his focus to his plate and continues eating his curry, feeling thankful for his friends for having dealt with anything he threw at them; including a series of fits that isn’t their fault at all. Just when he lifts his eyes to look at his friends, he meets Aiba’s curious look.

That look makes him remember. Despite his thankfulness, they put him through quite a lot too.

“So, what’s new from the neighbor department, Matsumoto-san?” Aiba starts the conversation, wriggling his eyebrows. Jun glares at Aiba. He wonders if being in the line of people might be better.

But then again, Aiba would still throw him the same question despite them being in line, and, no, that’s definitely not better. Jun sighs.

“We had dinner again, the last weekend,” Jun replies, trying to look devoid of any emotion.

“Oooh, we have a second date, Nino-chan!” Aiba elbows Nino who sits on his right and the both of them giggle.

Sometimes Jun wonders why aren’t his best friends dating. They’re both equally annoying that Jun is sure Nino is the only person who can handle Aiba’s quirks and vice versa.

“It’s not a second date,” Jun replies, trying to keep his voice in control, “I invited him to dinner, and he agreed, that is all.”

“Yeah, yeah, a dinner in which you cooked for him, and he brought you something in return,” Nino snorts, “Oh and, and, did he stay to wash the dishes too? You said he did the last time.”

Jun mentally curses himself for never being able to hide anything from these two, “He did.”

Nino exchanges a meaningful glance with Aiba. Jun watches helplessly as they both return their focus to Jun.

“Will you guys have another dinner this weekend too?” Aiba asks, his eyes gleaming with glee.

Jun shifts nervously in his seat and digs his spoon to his food, trying to avoid answering the question. But Nino and Aiba can be pretty relentless in their teasing, and he doesn’t want to spend the rest of the break being teased by both of them.

“Um…. well, actually, he asked me if I can go with him to some other place next weekend.”

To that, Nino and Aiba stood up and high-fived each other.

“What?! It’s still not a date!” Jun snaps.

“No, no, Jun-kun, it’s not a date, as you said so,” Nino sits back down and folds his arm on the table to pay full attention to Jun. He pushed his half-eaten ramen to Aiba’s side.

“It’s not,” Jun pouts and takes another bite of his curry.

“Where are you going to, Jun-pon?” Aiba takes the rest of Nino’s food starts digging through it.

“He hasn’t told me, actually,” Jun racks his brain as he tries to remember, “But he said he’ll email me the details later.”

Aiba groans on hearing the new information, and Jun lifts his eyebrows on that.

Nino’s face, on the other hand, lightens up, “Ah, so I assume you guys finally exchange contacts, huh?”

Jun nods, trying to return his focus back to finish his curry.

“See, Aiba-san, you owe me fifteen hundred,” Nino turns his face to Aiba who is now looking at him with sad eyes.

“Damn,” Aiba curses under his breath.

Jun shakes his head in disbelief, “You guys bet on this too?”

If anything, it isn’t the first time Aiba and Nino make a bet on something about Jun’s romance life. It seems like a never-ending source of entertainment for the both of them.

“We bet on when you guys will be exchanging contact details,” Nino grins, “Aiba-san said that you guys did it last week, but I think you guys would want to go on the second date—okay dinner—before doing that.”

“I didn’t want to, but Nino forced me,” Aiba whines.

Nino snorts, “You just say that now because you’re losing.”

Aiba frowns as he looks at Nino’s face. He pauses a bit, like he’s thinking of something, and then he laughs, ”Aah. You’re right.”

“Of course I’m right. I’m always right,” Nino sits up and takes his phone out of his pocket. “Oh I need to go back first, guys, there’s an emergency!”

Jun and Aiba nod. Nino’s superior sometimes calls in the middle of lunch, and they’re used to that.

“Don’t tell Aiba-shi any of the juicy details when I’m not here, okay?” Nino stands up and leaves.

Jun huffs a breath as he tries to finish his curry; why does it seem impossible to finish the curry? He has that menu a couple of times before, and it’s the same thing. There’s no explanation for him not being able to finish it this time.

Meanwhile, Aiba pulls his chair closer to Jun’s side and puts an arm around Jun’s shoulder.

“Relax, Jun, everything’s going to be alright, you don’t have to worry about anything.”

Jun sighs. Of course, trust Aiba to be able to read him easily.

“It’s just, I really don’t think that’s the reason, Aiba-san,” Jun puts his spoon down, already giving up on making mess of his food, “I mean, I don’t think that he even considers any of our dinners together as a date, and I don’t want to think of it that way either.”

Aiba chuckles on his side, his grip on Jun’s shoulder gets firmer. “It’s okay. I understand. But all Nino and I want is to see you happy. Stop overthinking things, Jun. We know it won’t bring you anywhere.”

Jun takes a deep breath. Easy for Aiba to say.

It’s not like Jun chooses to worry about things too much. It’s just how it has always been for him, and he can’t change that so easily.

Besides, he has a reason to worry this time. He likes Sakurai, that he knows for sure. He’s also sure that it’s not because of the physical only—however handsome Sakurai’s face is, and however toned his abs are, and however perky his butt is—but also his personality, his way of talking, his politeness.

Jun finds their time together to be something he looks forward every time. He likes the way Sakurai eats his cooking, all the happy faces and appreciative sounds. He likes how Sakurai listens attentively to what he has to say, even though it’s just Jun complaining about his boring job. He likes the stories Sakurai tells him; he shows how exciting his life is, but not in a bragging way.

If anything, Jun actually wants to be a part of that life with Sakurai.

But above what Jun feels about Sakurai, he doesn’t know if Sakurai likes him too. Will it be too fast to start assuming their next dinner as a date? If it is and it fails terribly, how will Jun act around Sakurai? Seeing as they live side by side in the building.

And even if it goes well, Sakurai has never seen Jun at his worst. When he loses grip of his emotions and snaps at people without thinking about it.

It mostly ends up with him hurting someone he cares about without meaning to. Jun has had a lot of previous partners putting an end to their relationship, leaving him because he can’t control his emotions.

That even includes Nino, one of his closest friends. The fact that even Nino doesn’t want to deal with his horrible temper problem doesn’t feel okay for him.

It’s not like he doesn’t have a way to channel his emotion, he has, but that is also too much for most of his previous partners. Including Nino. They said that being obsessed with crimes and murders isn’t a healthy way to cope up with it.

“Hey, you’re thinking too much again, Jun,” Aiba lets him go to look at his face. “Trust me. Everything is going to be alright.”

“I don’t know, Aiba-san, I’m not sure about the whole thing,” Jun shakes his head, “And the last date I had with anyone was, I don’t know, two years ago? That one failed terribly, and I really don’t think I can bear it if I mess up with Sakurai too.”

Aiba smiles, “So you do like him. Then just go for it, Jun. He’s the one who asked you to go out next week. If you ask me, I’d say he likes you too. Honestly, don’t worry too much about it.”

“Easy for you to say,” Jun growls.

Aiba laughs. “It _is_ easy, Jun, come on. Don’t be so difficult. Just go to that dinner, if he likes you back, you’ll know. And then you can act on it,” Aiba wriggles his eyebrows suggestively, and Jun smacks his arm in return.

“I don’t know why I still keep you and Nino around,” Jun stands up, getting ready to go back to his cubicle. Better distract himself with work so he won’t think too much about the whole thing.

“Because you love us!” Aiba chirps as he follows Jun behind.

Well that’s true, Jun smiles fondly, but he doesn’t dare to say it out loud. He’ll never hear the end of it.

\---

The rest of the week feels like forever for Jun. Thankfully, he has enough work to do until the weekend that keeps his mind off of the dinner he will have with Sakurai.

Because when his mind is idle, all Jun can think is where Sakurai is going to take him and what he should wear for the occasion. And what Sakurai will wear for the occasion. It doesn’t help at all to daydream about Sakurai in decent clothes with tight pants that encase his ass.

Nino and Aiba keep teasing him on their lunch breaks. Jun, again, has to be thankful for that. It puts the whole dinner plan with Sakurai in another perspective and he doesn’t have to stress over it.

When Friday comes, however, it becomes an entirely different matter.

Like any other Friday in his office, Jun has the day relatively free. He finishes things as fast as he can like the days before, forgetting that his workload is half than usual. It’s not until lunch break comes that he realizes it; he has nothing to do after lunch.

He tells Aiba and Nino, and the two, instead, laugh at him for being an ‘ambitious little workaholic’. They tell Jun that he should be happy about having the rest of his Friday free. At least then he can go home early and do some preparation for his dinner on Saturday.

“I don’t know, probably restock the lubes and condoms? Whatever you have in stock currently have gone over their expiry date, I believe,” Nino suggests over a laugh.

Jun smacks Nino on the head for saying that so insensitively and casually, but he makes a mental note to stop by the convenience store later. Nino guesses it right. Whatever he keeps in his bedside drawer must have gone by their expiry date by now.

And then he remembers that he threw all those stuff when he moved out his old apartment.

Nino throws Jun a playful smirk. He must have seen the way Jun’s eyebrows wrinkles. Jun lands another hit on Nino’s head for good measure. His friend knows him too well; it’s embarrassing but makes Jun happy nonetheless.

The trip to the convenience store happens to exceed Jun’s expectation. He had expected to make a quick stop, getting what he needs as well as getting some necessities when he realizes it has indeed been too long for him. He stands in front of the rack filled with packs of condoms and bottles of lubes, unable to make his decision.

Jun tries to think about what might happen, and that doesn’t help him either. If anything, it only makes him blush even more.

So he quickly grabs the things he’s familiar with and goes to the cashier to pay.

On his walk home, Jun thinks about how Sakurai still hasn’t given any information about their appointment tomorrow. Jun knows that for sure because he constantly checks his phone for any emails the whole week.

When he arrives at home, he thinks about shooting Sakurai an email first, in case, God forbid, Sakurai forgets about it. But then he can’t draft anything satisfying enough so he decides to take a shower instead.

Jun allows himself to indulge in the warm shower and his favorite shower gel. He takes his time to clean himself thoroughly while taking deep breaths of the lavender scent. For a moment, he relaxes and forgets about his anxiety.

When he gets out of the shower later, he feels completely calm, his worries goes down to the drain.

Suddenly, his phone beeps. Jun feels the waves of anxiety hitting him again. He scrambles across the room to get his phone. It was indeed Sakurai.

From: sakurai.sho@gmail.com  
To: matsumoto_jun830@i.softbank.jp  
Subject: Dinner  
Matsumoto-san, I’m sorry that I didn’t contact you until today. I had assumed that you will not have immediate plans tomorrow that will make you cancel. That is why I waited to send you details.

Speaking of the details. I will pick you up tomorrow evening at 7, and we will head to the place with my car. I’m driving. Please wear casual clothes since we’re not going to go to anywhere black tie.

That is all I have to say. Thank you, and see you tomorrow.

Sakurai Sho.

Jun frowns. Of all things that Jun knows about Sakurai, he doesn’t expect that sending email in a formal way would be one of it. Jun knows that Sakurai comes from a respectable family; Sakurai has hinted about it in one of their conversation. But when they talked, Jun didn’t get that vibe at all. Sakurai is anything but formal and Jun has been so fond of the idea that Sakurai isn’t one of those uptight, boring men.

Well, guess that it adds another thing to his knowledge of Sakurai.

Jun composes a reply. He doesn’t want to dismiss the formal tone completely, for he thinks that it will be rude, but he doesn’t like it either. So he goes with a more casual approach and using emoji to lighten the mood.

From: matsumoto_jun830@i.softbank.jp  
To: sakurai.sho@gmail.com  
Subject: Re: Dinner  
Oh hi there, Sakurai-san. Thank you for sending me the details. I have noted that and I guess I will see you tomorrow? ^^

Jun

Jun looks at his signature and considers if he really should put his name that way. But then he shrugs and leaves it there. Hoping Sakurai will get the sign.

He receives a reply not two minutes later.

From: sakurai.sho@gmail.com  
To: matsumoto_jun830@i.softbank.jp  
Subject: Re: Dinner  
See you tomorrow, Jun-san. :)

Sho

The reply makes Jun smile a little bit too wide. He feels somewhat happy but also weird. Sakurai is next door, after all. They can actually talk to each other instead of texting like this. But Jun can’t lie, he enjoys it quite a lot.

He writes another reply then, just because.

From: matsumoto_jun830@i.softbank.jp  
To: sakurai.sho@gmail.com  
Subject: Re: Dinner  
Sure, Sho-san. I’ll be waiting next door. :p

Jun

Jun waits five minutes, but there’s no more reply from Sakurai—from Sho. So he decides that it’s time for him to sleep. He pulls up his blanket and tucks himself in.

\---

Jun has a dream about him and Sho being chained in a room like in the Saw movie. But when he watches Sho sawing his ankle off, he doesn’t get excited. He cries and screams so Sho would stop it.

Jun wakes up startled. His heart beating so fast and body sticky with sweat. He breathes deeply, waiting for his heart to stop pounding. When it does, he lies back on the bed to stare at the ceiling.

What a weird dream he just had.

He takes some moments to stay in that position, lying awake as he watches the white paint on his ceiling. Some minutes pass, and then he remembers. Today is Saturday, and tonight he will go to have dinner with Sho.

Jun rolls on the bed to reach for the drawer where he puts his phone. He checks if Sho sent him another message after he fell asleep, but there is none. Frowning, Jun rolls back to the center of the bed. He lies face down, and then he screams his lungs out into the pillow.

When he’s done screaming, Jun gets up to take a shower. The dream has done nothing aside of giving him weird feelings about Sho, and he doesn’t like that.

After the shower, Jun checks the clock on his phone and feels unsure about what to do. He still has more than ten hours before tonight to do everything he wants to do.

Well, not everything. Jun considered going through his movie stash but that might make him lose track of time, and he doesn’t really want to do it. Even though it might help ease his mood, it can also remind him of his dream and make his mood worse instead.

He can go for some grocery shopping like he does the other Saturdays, but he’s not going to cook today so he doesn’t know what to buy. Besides, he already bought his necessities yesterday.

Jun knows that if he’s left to his own device, he will only get more nervous, and he’ll end up throwing the content of his closet out to try and pick for something to wear.

Throwing himself on the bed with his phone in hand, he unlocks it to look for options. He can’t call Nino. That guy is usually still sleeping in after a whole night of gaming. He can’t go to Aiba’s either since Saturday is his date day with his wife. Jun doesn’t know if such thing exists, but Aiba can do whatever he wants with his wife, Jun has no right to say any objections.

Jun closes his address book. He tries to check for a good restaurant around, considering if he should walk around and go there to eat. Then he remembers that he doesn’t know what he’s going to have for his dinner, and he doesn’t want to have the same dish twice.

Jun sighs and flips on the bed, stomach down. He holds his phone as far as his hand can stretch, trying to compose a message to his neighbor.

Five minutes and fifteen drafts later, Jun gives up. He decides to get food from the convenience store nearby. There’s no way he’s going to eat the same dish that way, he assures himself.

Jun puts on his black trousers and striped navy and white shirt. He walks out his apartment and locks it without looking around. When he turns to head for the stairs, he freezes.

Sakurai Sho is standing in front of his door, smiling awkwardly.

“Oh hi there, Matsumoto-san,” Sho throws him a smile.

Jun looks at him, amused, “You called me Jun on that email, Sho-san.”

Sho chuckles. “Well, forgive me, I wasn’t sure if I can actually call you that,” he pauses, “Jun-san.”

“That’s better,” Jun smiles, and Sho smiles back. “Are you going somewhere?”

“Um.. actually I just got back from the convenience store,” Sho raises the plastic bag he’s holding and makes another chuckle. It gives Jun a warm feeling somehow. “This is embarrassing, but I don’t know what I should have for lunch, even though I know what I’m going to eat for dinner.”

Jun quirks his eyebrows at Sho. “Why, Sho-san. You’re luckier than me, I guess. I don’t know what I should have for lunch _and_ dinner. I don’t even know where I’ll be going for dinner.”

Sho lets out a chuckle. “Oh, I’m sorry, Jun-san. But you’ll find out what it is in,” Sho checks his watch, “About eight hours from now.”

“Could you please at least tell me what I should get for lunch?” Jun adds quickly when Sho opens his door.

Sho’s lips twitch into a smile. “Well I’m getting omurice,” he lifts the plastic bag.

Jun frowns, “But you love omurice! For all I know, we might be going to a place that serves omurice tonight.”

Sho holds his stare at Jun for a moment, “You’re really cute, Jun-san. Do you know that?”

Jun tries to ignore that he’s blushing. “That doesn’t answer my question,” he retorts. But Sho just laughs as he enters his home.

“Well, see you tonight, then, Jun-san,” Sho looks out the door for the last time, “Just get omurice. I promise you we won’t have the same dish for both lunch and dinner.”

“If you say so, then, Sho-san,” Jun murmurs, cocking his head to the side for a last greeting to Sho while making his way to the stairs.

Jun gets the omurice at the convenience store, following Sho’s advice, along with some cold oolong tea. He spends as long as he could in the store, trying to cut some time. He gives up after he has rounded the store three times.

After he finishes his lunch, he still has more than six hours before the dinner. He huffs and pulls himself out of the dining chair, then he goes to the sink to clean up his dining ware.

He figures that maybe cleaning up can be a good way to spend the time, so then he decides to do so. It’s not that his apartment is in dire need of cleaning, he always makes sure that he cleans it regularly, but he needs something to distract himself.

Later, when every corner of his apartment is spotless, and he starts to feel his muscles tingling, he sighs in relief when he checks the clock. It’s five in the afternoon, and he has enough time to get ready without thinking too much of what to wear.

At six thirty, Jun finds himself in front of his bedroom mirror, looking at his topless reflection. He has some things laid out on his bed, but he still hasn’t made his choice. The pants he has already decided and worn: simple black skinny jeans with no define accent.

Jun still isn’t sure what kind of place they will be this evening, so he can’t put his mind to decide on anything. But then he remembers that Sho has mentioned going with casual clothes. Jun thinks a bit and decides to go with a long-sleeved thigh-length beige shirt over a mustard knitted tee.

He checks himself in the mirror for the last time, liking what he sees. He takes his cologne from the dresser and sprays some. When he’s done, he checks his phone. It’s five minutes before seven.

Right on cue, Jun hears knocking on his front door. He takes a deep breath and walks to answer it.

When he opens the door, Sho is standing there, wearing a pair of blue jeans and long-sleeved black shirt. Sho looks great in that, Jun thinks, and he has to remind himself to stop staring.

“Good evening, Jun,” Sho greets all too politely. Even though he drops the honorifics at the end.

“Good evening,” Jun replies with a smile, “So, where are we going to?”

Sho smiles at that. “Patient, Jun-san. We’ll get there when we get there,” he chuckles, “Now, are you ready?”

Jun nods, a moment to quickly, and then remembers that he hasn’t brought his wallet with him. “Oh, wait a moment,” Jun waltzes quickly inside to retrieve the wallet from above his TV and returns to the front door.

“Let’s go,” he tells Sho after he puts his shoes on.

Sho nods and they head to the stairs together.

They talk about the weathers along the way to Sho’s car. They don’t usually talk about weathers, but Jun thinks Sho probably saves some of the conversations for later. In case they don’t have anything else to talk about when they eat.

Jun’s eyes blown when they reach Sho’s car. It’s a black, five-door SUV. Jun isn’t sure about the brand and the type, but he knows that it’s a big car to be used by only a person going around the city. There aren’t a lot of cars like that around, and it takes Jun aback a bit.

Sho opens the passenger seat’s door for Jun and gestures him to get in. Jun gets in and sits down awkwardly while waiting for Sho to circle the front of the car to the driver’s seat.

“I’m sorry about that,” Sho gestures to the back seats as he closes the door after climbing in, “I tend to leave stuff in there when I’m busy. And then I get lazy and never clean it up aside from the occasional visit to the carwash.”

Jun doesn’t even look at the back seat. He doesn’t want to see how untidy Sho could be. Well, at least not in their, supposedly, first date. So he just nods at that as he fastens the seat belt.

“You’re still not telling me where we’re going?” Jun says instead.

Sho laughs softly as he turns the car on. “Patience, Jun-san,” he says.

They spend the short drive talking briefly about some happenings in their building. Jun realizes that they had never talked about it before. Mostly because both he and Sho are always out save for the nights and the weekend. But apparently a burglar broke into a unit on the first floor last Wednesday, and Sho knew about it because he took the day off on Wednesday.

“I take a day off every other day when my work allows it,” Sho explains, “Don’t get me wrong, I love working. But sometimes it’s better to take a day off to do something more productive than staying at the office doing nothing.”

Sho turns his head aside to Jun, “You know, when all projects are done, and we still need to wait for the new project. Days like those.”

Jun nods his head. They are quite close in the car, sitting side by side. It distracts him. Sho’s lips look so plump from this distance that Jun wonders how it might feel to kiss him. Has it always been that tempting?

“So you see, the whole day I was planning to finish something at home when I heard loud sirens blaring. It was so distracting! I kinda get the annoyance you feel when— Ah, we’re here!”

Sho stops his car in front of a building with a glass wall facing the streets. The doors are also made of glass. From the outside, instead of the view of chairs and tables, people can see a wooden table, with someone behind it, facing the street.

They’re in front of a soba place.

Jun glances at Sho disbelievingly. “We’re going to eat soba?”

Sho’s face goes blank for a second. “Well, yes, we’re here. Don’t tell me,” his words trail off, “You don’t like soba, do you?”

“No! No!” Jun laughs, “No! I mean I love soba. How do you know..?”

Sho breathes in relief, “Oh well, Jun-san, that, again, makes the two of us. I love soba too. Okay now you’ll just think I love any food there is,” he laughs a little, making his face scrunch like a squirrel.

“But really, I love soba and this place has nothing but good reviews. I have been wanting to go, but I don’t know who to go with, and then you moved in. It’s a good coincidence,” Sho smiles, “Shall we?” he unfastens his seatbelt and makes a gesture towards the door.

They get out of the car and walk together inside.

The place is good, if Jun has to comment. It’s spacious, warm and cozy, and the waiters are responsive in giving their service.

Jun chooses the simple kake soba, and Sho opts for the same, but he asks for a boiled egg on the side. They both have beers for drinks. When the waiter asked, they answered at the same time and laughed at that.

It is a nice dinner. And even though Jun still can’t shake off the thought of it being ‘not a date’—Sho mentioned that he just wanted someone to go with to try the place—he tries to keep his mood light through the evening.

Sho also keeps the conversation light, it’s not like the second dinner they had in Jun’s place where they talked about more personal stuff. Probably Sho does it because they’re outside, and he wants to respect Jun’s privacy. Jun figures he likes that.

When their soba arrives, Jun notices that Sho adds bamboo shoots to his soba. It’s another thing to learn about him, Jun thinks, as he gets some umeboshi, natto, and grated radish to eat his with.

Time flies as they chat over dinner. Suddenly they’ve finished their food and two cans of beers each.

A waiter comes to them informing that they’re closing up soon and hands them the bill. Jun wants to split the bill, but Sho pulls his wallet from his back pocket quickly and puts his credit card on the bill.

“On me,” Sho says, smiling, “I’m the one asking you to go here, after all.”

Jun, feeling playful with two beers in his system, replies, “Oh no, what should I do to make it up to you then? We can’t exactly wash the dishes in here.”

The two of them laugh at that, and just right then, the waiter returns with Sho’s card.

It’s a sign that the night is over, and Jun doesn’t like that. They thank the waiter, then walk back to Sho’s car.

The journey home has been spent in silence. Sho turns the car radio on to fill it. Seems like he isn’t in the mood to make conversation either.

Jun chooses to focus on the scenery outside the car. The city lights look especially beautiful on a clear night like this one. He shifts his head a bit so he can take a glance at the sky, too. He can see some beautiful stars twinkling on above them.

That’s when he feels a hand reaching his own resting on his thigh. His heart jumps. A wave of thought comes to his head. He can’t decide if he should stay still, or if he should turn to look at Sho’s face.

In the end, because his frantic brain keeps telling him to ‘do something quick come on’, he flips his palm and meets Sho’s warm one.

Then, because he hears Sho breathes out in relief, Jun twines their fingers together. He runs a circle with his thumb on the back of Sho’s hand.

They keep their hands clasped together even when Sho has to switch the gear. Jun doesn’t let Sho pull his hands away so he has to pull their joined hands to do so.

After the trip that feels like five minutes for Jun, they finally reached the apartment’s parking lot.

Jun hears Sho clears his throat. “We, um… we can’t get out of the car like this,” Sho pulls their hands.

“Wanna try?” Jun replies, wriggling his eyebrows.

Sho smiles at that answer. He reaches out to Jun’s face with his other hand.

The first contact of Sho’s palm against his skin makes Jun shiver. Sho pulls him closer with his hand as he gets his face closer too.

“Jun,” Sho whispers, and Jun almost moan at that. It’s warm and heady in the car now that Sho has turned the machine off, and there’s enough alcohol swarming in his blood to make Jun abandon all logical thought.

And so Jun moves forward, closing the distance between them.

Sho’s lips taste like the remnants of beer, slightly chapped because of the air conditioner in the car, but otherwise, it was as perfect as Jun imagined it would be, if not more. Jun sighs to the kiss, tilting his head to the side to deepen the kiss. Sho mirrors his movement, nibbling on Jun’s lips as he moves his palm to the back of Jun’s neck.

Jun feels Sho’s tongue poking out, licking the line between his lips, and it feels so good that Jun moans.

It gives Sho way, and he slides his tongue inside Jun’s mouth. Jun lets out another moan when he feels Sho’s tongue against his own. He takes the time to taste Sho, following the warm and inviting surface back to the inside of Sho’s mouth.

Having tasted Sho’s mouth making Jun unable to keep his hands to himself. He puts his hand on Sho’s neck, trying to pull him even closer like there’s still space between them. It still doesn’t feel enough for him, so he pulls his hand from their joined hands and holds Sho’s neck in place with both of his hands.

Jun feels Sho moan against his mouth, and he swallows it all. It feels incredible to kiss Sho like this. He’s warm and inviting and so willing, and Jun is so weak to that. He loves how Sho lets him lead, lets him take control, but then also teases him to the point that it almost breaks him.

They have to part after some minutes, because of the need of oxygen and all, and when they do, Sho smiles sheepishly. He looks gorgeous with his mouth abused and more plump than it already is, smiling until his eyes gleaming.

“I manage to make you let go of my hand,” is what Sho says after.

Jun throws him a surprised look. “What?”

Sho doesn’t reply to that. Instead, he lifts both his hands and shrugs. He also smiles sheepishly, which, this time, Jun doesn’t even think that it’s cute.

After all his insecurities finally went away, Sho just had to go and break the respect Jun already has for him. Jun doesn’t know how to feel. He opens the door, gets himself off the car, and walks to his place.

He doesn’t even say goodnight to Sho. He’s fuming mad. Saying courtesy greeting is the least of his concerns right now.

Behind him, Jun hears the car’s door being shut and some rushed steps. Sho also calls his name a couple of times, but Jun doesn’t budge. He keeps walking until he reaches his door.

Thankfully, Sho doesn’t try anything funny and just walks behind him quietly. Taking his keys from his pocket, Jun unlocks his door and pushes it open.

That’s when Sho catches him to it and walks inside Jun’s place before he does. Jun stands still in the hallway. He doesn’t really want Sho to explain anything. It’s late, the both of them are probably tired, not to mention tipsy.

To addition, his mood is quite foul right now. He doesn’t want to snap at Sho now, not after the great evening they had, even if Sho ended up ruining it.

It would be better if they just say goodnight to each other and go back to their respective places.

“Are you not going to get in?” Sho asks from the inside.

“Are you not going to get out? It’s my house,” Jun retorts.

“Jun, I’m sorry, okay. I didn’t mean to make you feel bad. I was kidding, and I see that it’s not a joke for you, and I promise I will never do it again,” Sho puts his hands in the air, surrendering.

It’s going to be a pleasant sight for Jun, Sho being so apologetic, if he’s not as angry as he is right now. He’s not only mad, even with his mind clogged with anger he can feel something else.

There’s something in him that can’t believe what’s happening is for real, because everything just happens too fast. And Sho saying things like kissing him just to distract him just adds to that.

Jun doesn’t like it. He doesn’t want to be angry and, at the same time, showing his insecurities to Sho. He needs to collect himself first before he can face Sho again.

“I’m sorry,” Sho walks forwards, “I’m—well I will leave if you want me to. It’s just—I need you to know that, yes, I did that to distract you, but it’s not just that.”

Sho walks closer again that he has to lifts his head a bit because Jun is slightly taller than him.

“I did that because I like you, Jun.”

Jun can’t think about anything else as he feels his heart thundering against his chest. He gets in, pushing Sho backward to the nearest wall and closes the door before catching Sho’s gasps with his mouth.

How dare this man plays with his feelings like that. Jun feels angry now more than ever, but he also feels relieved.

Sho likes him. That’s one less thing to worry about. Sho’s not just a tease who uses his charm to get what he needs in life. Sho likes him, he just told Jun that.

That might also be his way to get what he needs, but this time, Jun isn’t sure about what Sho might need other than Jun’s mouth on his, so he chooses to just kiss Sho deeper.

Sho whimpers to the kiss, reaching his hands to Jun’s nape, tugging softly at the base of Jun’s hair. The action gets Jun bolder, so he pushes Sho back to the walls, his hands hold Sho’s hips, trapping him completely.

Jun pulls his lips from Sho’s lips and starts to trail kisses across the jaw, down to the neck. His hands still holding Sho in place. Sho smells like the soba shop and sweat, but there’s a faint scent of fresh linen underneath it all that Jun can’t hold himself from pressing his face closer to Sho’s neck.

Jun hears Sho moans and feels Sho pulling his neck down while grasping on his hair. He continues his ministration, mapping Sho’s neck with his tongue, tugging the skin with his teeth. Sho has soft skin that feels fluffy, and Jun can’t get enough of kissing it.

When Jun moves lower to try and get his mouth on Sho’s collarbones, Sho pulls on his hair hard and forces him to kiss Sho’s lips. Jun groans at the slight sting on the back of his neck. It spurs him even more so he bites Sho’s lower lip, slightly tugging it.

It results in Sho moans while pulling Jun closer and Jun knows that he needs something else. He needs something _more_. He knows what to get, and he knows how to get it.

But he isn’t really sure that Sho will give it to him.

“What are you thinking about?” Sho breaks the kiss suddenly.

“Nothing,” Jun answers, pressing his lips back to Sho.

Sho growls when Jun pushes him back to the wall. As if Sho knows what’s in Jun’s mind, he slides his hands off Jun’s neck and rests it for a second on his hips before slipping inside Jun’s shirt.

Jun hisses at the contact of Sho’s hands against his bare skin. He feels hot all over, and it burns on the patches of skin that Sho touches. As a payback, Jun slides his hands that were resting on Sho’s hips above, getting his hands on the bare skin of Sho’s back.

Jun moves his hands to caress more of Sho’s body, from the back to Sho’s stomach. He moves his hand to Sho’s stomach, feeling the hard muscles underneath Sho’s soft skin.

Feeling Sho smiling smugly to the kiss, Jun moves his hand up to Sho’s nipple. He runs a thumb against the soft bud, feeling it hardens on his touch. He gets Sho moans to his mouth when he does so, so he moves to pinch the other nipple.

When they break the kiss some moment later, Jun already slips his hands out of Sho’s shirt. Sho’s hands are still resting on the bare skin of Jun’s back and it makes him shiver.

Panting, Sho pulls Jun’s body closer so they’re flushed to each other. Sho looks at Jun straight in the eyes, and Jun can see Sho’s dark brown eyes are now closer to black. With space no longer between them, Jun can also feel Sho’s hardness on his thigh.

And he knows Sho must be feeling his, too.

Jun is the one who closes the only space between them with another fierce kiss. Sho opens his mouth to receive that, and they’re back to tasting each other’s tongues.

That’s when Jun slides his hands down to grab Sho’s ass. The first squeeze has Sho moaning with abandon to Jun’s mouth. Jun continues kneading the butt cheeks and Sho bucks his hips forward to seek friction on Jun.

Laughing, Jun pulls himself from the kiss. His hands stay on Sho’s ass, squeezing it as he likes.

“Patience, Sho-san,” Jun giggles, squeezing harder for good measure, “We’ll get there.”

“I know,” Sho says, panting, his eyes unfocused as he tries to reply, “I know you like my ass.”

Jun quirks an eyebrow, “You are so much more attractive when you don’t use your mouth to talk, Sho-san. Had I known this before, I wouldn’t have sat down and entertained your conversations.”

“You,” Sho starts to talk but Jun gives another squeeze on his ass, “You like it when I talk. Especially when I tell you something,” another squeeze and Sho curses, “Something you didn’t know before. You do like your man smart, right, Matsumoto?”

Jun does, actually. But Sho using his smart mouth for something like that isn’t really compelling for Jun. He decides that he doesn’t want to talk with Sho when they’re in the middle of something like this.

Jun kisses Sho with his mouth open, taking in Sho’s growl and wails as he kneads Sho’s ass even harder. Then Jun shifts, and he hauls Sho up. Sho moves his hand back to Jun’s neck as he tries to grab hold.

Jun steers them to the bedroom, as fast as he can with Sho in his hold and the lamp still not turned on. He’s so thankful that he leaves the bedroom door open.

When they finally reach the bedroom, Jun positions themselves on the edge of the bed. He lowers himself; low enough that he’s hovering over his bed, but still high enough for Sho’s back to not touch the bed.

Jun keeps his hands on Sho’s ass all the while. He gives it a parting squeeze before pulling himself off Sho and throws Sho on the bed.

Sho laughs at that, “Okay but I didn’t know you like it _that_ much.”

Jun keeps his gaze firm on Sho, not listening to what he just said. “Take off your clothes,” he tells Sho.

Sho shoots Jun an amused look, but Jun ignores it. He walks around the bed to get the lube and condoms he just bought yesterday and throws them to the bed. Sho looks even more amused. Jun glares.

“What are you looking at? Strip,” Jun tells Sho, his tone flat. He takes his outer and pulls his shirt off, throwing them somewhere on the floor.

Seeing that Sho still doesn’t move a bit and instead watches his naked chest with much interest, Jun moves to hover on top of Sho. Jun balances himself by putting his hand beside Sho’s shoulder. He lowers himself, and just before his lips touch Sho’s, he whispers, “Do you need help?”

Sho doesn’t answer and leans his head up for a kiss. Jun is faster, though, he pulls away just before their lips touch.

“Sho-san,” Jun says, holding himself higher, “This is my house so my rules are what’s applied here,” he pecks Sho briefly, “But I’m a good host so I will help you with what you need.”

“Wow, being in your bed definitely makes you bolder, is it not, Matsumoto-san?” Sho runs his hands to Jun’s nipples, caressing it to hardness.

Jun holds himself not to arch on Sho’s touch. He lowers his hips instead and rubs against Sho’s crotch slowly.

“Well we can waste all night talking, Sho-san,” Jun breathes huskily, “But I actually prefer us doing something else,” Jun rolls his hips against Sho’s.

Sho bites his lower lip, preventing a moan from coming out, Jun guesses, and he gives Jun payback by pinching both Jun’s nipples instead. That catches Jun off guard, and he arches his back. The movement makes his hips pushed closer to Sho’s, and he moans at the feeling.

“Sho,” Jun whispers, his tone demanding this time, “Clothes. Off. Now.”

Sho hums, “What if I don’t want to?”

Jun’s insecurity starts to resurface, but this time, he knows. Sho’s body doesn’t show how much he doesn’t want this. Doesn’t show that he doesn’t want Jun as much as he wants him.

So Jun lowers his head to the side of Sho’s head. He presses a kiss to where Sho’s jaw meets his neck, and then he moves to lick the shell of Sho’s ear.

“Well you can go home,” Jun whispers, “Go home and probably sleep on your own bed. I will be here, lying on this bed, thinking about fucking your ass as I jerk myself off. You will hear me, Sho, like the last time, you will hear me as I call your name over and over again,” Jun pulls away to press a kiss on Sho’s neck vein.

Jun listens as Sho tries to steady his breath underneath him. He rolls his hips again, feeling Sho’s hardness getting more apparent. Sho whimpers, and Jun licks his way up to Sho’s ear.

Holding Sho’s earlobe between his teeth, Jun whispers, “And then I will scream your name as I come, hard. Right on this bed, where you’re lying right now. And you will be on the other side of the wall, in the comfort of your own bed, listening. Probably jerking yourself off to completion.”

Sho growls at that, and he pulls Jun by the hair to bring their mouths back together. They kiss hard, all teeth and tongue. Jun feels his skin burn hotter as he deepens the kiss. Sho keeps a hand on the back of his neck while his other hand travels to tug on Jun’s pants.

“Then do it now, Jun,” Sho says when they break the kiss, “Don’t just imagine it, do it,” he pulls on Jun’s belt loop to stress his words.

That’s what Jun needs to hear. He pulls one of his hand from the bed and slips it under Sho’s shirt. He caresses Sho’s abs, then moves to Sho’s nipple to pinch it. “Then take this off.”

Finally, Sho does. He pushes Jun up so Jun kneels above him, then he opens three buttons before getting impatient and just yanks the shirt off, lifting his back off the bed.

Jun stays at his position for a moment, taking in the view of Sho’s naked abs before his eyes. This is not the first time he sees them, but this time, he can do whatever he wants to do to them.

He runs a palm on Sho’s nipple and licks the other nipple at the same time. Sho breathes heavily.

Jun licks a line down to Sho’s stomach. He runs his tongue to every pack of Sho’s abs, and on Sho’s navel, he stops. There is a small piece of jewelry pierced to it.

So it really was a navel piercing he saw the last time.

Jun continues his ministration down, and he reaches the top of Sho’s pants. He puts his fingers on the belt loops and pulls, trying to get Sho’s attention. When he lifts his head, he meets Sho’s stare. Sho gives him a nod. Jun doesn’t take a minute to strip Sho off his pants.

Sho is now gloriously naked on Jun’s bed, and Jun takes a moment to let it sink in. He runs his stare from Sho’s lustful eyes, to Sho’s flushed chest, to Sho’s firm abs. When his eyes land on Sho’s cock, he remembers what he needs to do.

Jun takes Sho’s cock in his hand, squeezing it gently. He runs his thumb across the slit, smearing the precome while he abuses the head. Sho moans, bucking his hips.

“Patience, Sho,” Jun puts a hand on Sho’s thigh, keeping it in place. He squeezes some more times for a good measure, and then, looking at Sho’s face, Jun licks around the head.

Sho curses as Jun, still keeping his gaze locked to Sho, closes his mouth around the head. Jun licks on the slit and drags his tongue around it. Sho closes his eyes when Jun does that, and it’s an encouragement for Jun. He runs his tongue around Sho’s shaft, licking around it as he takes Sho’s cock deeper in his mouth.

Jun moves his hand to hold Sho’s other thigh, so now he has Sho completely pinned down. He takes his time giving Sho head, hollowing his mouth, licking lines along the shaft, abusing the slit with his tongue.

When Sho tells Jun that he’s close, Jun quickly pulls away and circles his hand on the base of Sho’s cock. He stays still for a while, eyes locked to Sho’s, waiting for him to come back down from the brink of his orgasm. Sho’s breathing returns to normal after some moments, and Jun removes his grip from Sho’s cock.

Jun pulls away from the bed to discard his pants, with some difficulty because it’s quite tight. And Sho, despite his state, apparently can still comment on that.

“Seriously, why are you still wearing that?”

Jun gives him a look to tell him to shut up, and Sho throws back a look of ‘what?’. Jun shakes his head as he points beside Sho’s face.

“Give me those,” Jun tells Sho.

Sho reaches to his side and throws the condom and the bottle of lube to his thighs. He looks quite amusing that way, his cock hard and resting on his stomach.

Jun takes the bottle of lube, uncaps it, and pushed some liquid out of it.

“Do you get fucked down there a lot?” Jun asks Sho.

“Why are you asking me that now?” Sho snorts, “Go ahead and find out for yourself.”

Jun laughs. He makes sure his fingers are coated enough, then he bends forward. Realizing that Sho hasn’t parted his legs enough, he frowns, “Are you not going to open your legs?”

Sho laughs, “Why, Jun? Is it a problem for you?”

Jun shakes his head. Sho keeps on challenging him, and it pushes all the right buttons in him. He pulls one of Sho’s legs with his clean hand and puts it on his shoulder. He circles his lube coated finger around the ring muscle of Sho’s ass, and then he pushes his finger in.

Jun keeps his hand on Sho’s thigh, holding it in place. He looks at Sho looking back at him as he pushes his second finger in. He goes two knuckles deep before he feels Sho clenching around his fingers.

Holding his stare on Sho, Jun tries to move his fingers around before starts scissoring Sho’s hole. He makes sure Sho is stretched enough before he puts another finger in. Sho sucks a breath on the intrusion as he clenches, shutting his eyes.

Jun pushes his fingers deeper. He feels around the tiny bump of Sho’s prostate, deliberately not touching it. When he feels Sho clenches again, Jun brushes it with his fingers. Sho’s eyes pop open as his cock twitches, and Jun smirks at him.

“What is it, Sho?” Jun coaxes, running his finger on the spot once again to receive the same reaction. Jun watches in amusement as Sho bites his lower lip.

“You look like you have something to say,” Jun repeats his movement, not once but twice this time, and Sho moans.

“What is it? It’s okay to tell me,” Jun moves his finger around the spot again, not touching it.

“Jun, please,” Sho whines. His cock twitches when he speaks and Jun finds it amusing.

“Please what, Sho?” Jun runs his finger lightly on the bump again, making Sho hisses.

“Just… fuck me,” Sho breathes huskily.

“Okay,” Jun says, withdrawing his fingers. He doesn’t miss how Sho winces at the sudden loss, and he quickly tears the foil of the condom and rolls it on his cock. Jun coats himself with the lube and strokes himself a couple of times.

When Jun’s ready, he tells Sho to be on all fours.

Sho obeys, and Jun is all too happy to see Sho’s ass in the air, waiting for him. He pats the cheeks before grabbing them with both hands and pushes himself inside Sho.

Sho feels warm and tight around him. With that and his hands squeezing Sho’s, naked, perky ass, Jun tries so hard not to just bury himself to the hilt. He pushes slowly, feeling Sho clenching around him, and he squeezes Sho’s butt cheeks harder.

“Stop that,” Jun warns Sho. He might not be able to control himself and just fucks Sho in abandon if Sho keeps doing that.

Jun feels Sho’s body shaking; apparently, he’s laughing. The fact that Sho is laughing when Jun is half buried inside him and abusing his butt cheeks with his hands triggers Jun. He pushes himself balls deep at once, and Sho gasps at the sudden intrusion.

“What?” Jun retorts, “You asked for this.”

Sho clenches around him again, and he’s so warm and so tight that Jun has to hold his breath for a moment. He doesn’t want to hurt Sho by moving too fast too suddenly, even though Sho keeps teasing him that Jun thinks he actually deserves to be.

Jun feels Sho’s walls tighten around his cock again, and this time, Sho bucks his ass back too. Jun takes that as his cue to move.

He starts slow, pulling himself out and pushing back in with slow and shallow thrusts. He thrusts faster and deeper as the friction spurs him to keep going, feeling Sho’s heat and tightness around his cock.

Sho curses at the slow pace. He bucks his ass back, telling Jun to go faster. Jun doesn’t comply, keeping his pace steady.

Then Sho lets out a desperate whine of “Fuck, Jun, fuck me harder, would you?” and Jun groans.

At that request, Jun throws his self-control out of the window as he thrusts deeper and harder on Sho’s ass. Sho meets him in the middle, moaning out loud. For a moment, the only sounds in the room are the smacks of Jun’s balls against Sho’s ass and their combined moans and curses.

Jun can feel that he’s close to coming. He lets go of Sho’s ass to reach down to Sho’s cock. He strokes Sho’s cock with the same rhythm as his thrusts, twisting his wrist at times.

Sho calls Jun’s name loudly before he’s coming, spurting on the bed sheets beneath him. Jun strokes him through his orgasm while keep thrusting in abandon.

Jun is not so far behind Sho. He pulls his hand back to Sho’s ass, gripping on the cheeks as he chases his own orgasm. Sho’s name slips out of his lips as he comes, cock twitching inside Sho, hands squeezing Sho’s ass. Jun’s body arches as he feels Sho milking through his orgasm.

He slumps on top of Sho after that, and Sho lets them fall to the bed.

They stay lying there for a while, Jun waiting for the bliss of orgasm to subside, Sho waiting for him.

“Sho,” Jun calls him after some moments passed by.

Sho hums.

“I know you live next door,” Jun nuzzles his nose into Sho’s neck, “But could you stay here, for tonight?”

Sho laughs softly, and Jun feels it on his face. “I have no plan to go home.”

“Good,” Jun mumbles, “You mind staying like this for a while?”

“Take your time,” Sho replies.

Jun sighs. Everything feels so good that he doesn’t want to move, doesn’t even want to think. But there is this little nudge in his head that bugs him. It says that there’s something not quite right with everything.

His exhaustion, however, decides that it’s not the time to entertain his worrisome thought. Probably everything will make more sense in the morning.

\---


	3. Chapter 3

It has been a week since the first date. Jun still can’t agree with Sho about whether it’s their first date or the third because they have spent the other Saturdays before together anyway. Jun insists it’s the first because the other two were just him inviting Sho for dinner.

Sho doesn’t agree, saying that those two are counted as house dates. And that Jun was the one who invited him first.

The only thing they agree on is that the sex they had wasn’t a casual one and that the both of them want to take their relationship on a more intimate level than a friendship with casual hookups.

Jun still thinks that it’s too fast for the both of them, though. They’ve only known each other for less than a month, and even though they live next to each other, that doesn’t mean they have known each other enough.

There isn’t anything that Jun isn’t thrilled to know about Sho, but on the other hand, he isn’t thrilled with what he still hasn’t revealed to Sho. Jun still hasn’t told Sho about his hobbies of watching gore movies, because the topic hasn’t really come up.

And because of that, Jun can’t yet reveal to Sho about why he likes to watch those movies. That is going to lead to a discussion about how Jun sometimes loses control of his emotion, and it isn’t a conversation Jun feels comfortable to tell Sho.

At least not yet for now. Jun knows he has to tell Sho about it, sooner or later, before Sho actually receives a blow that he doesn’t intend. Jun doesn’t want to scare Sho off like his past partners.

But since Jun can’t exactly tell Sho about those, he has to agree when Sho tries to assure him. Sho admits that it might be too fast for them, but he’s willing to make it work for the two of them.

The gesture actually makes Jun feel warm and cared for, and so he has no other choice. He makes a promise to himself that he will try to meet Sho in the middle.

And he will let Sho knows about his problem when he’s ready to talk about it.

\---

When Jun told his two best friends about the development of his relationship with Sho, the two cheered for him.

Jun told them about it over lunch, when their lunch break time was almost over, so the two of them won’t get the chance to nag Jun about it. He feels unsure enough about it without his best friends saying anything that might add to his pile of insecurities.

Well, all they might say would probably be something around the fact that he’s been alone for too long that it’s good for him that he find someone now, and that’s actually where his insecurities come from.

Jun worries that it’s just because he’s been alone for too long that he’s so eager to have sex with Sho after only three nights of them eating together and talking. The fact that they live next to each other doesn’t help to ease his mind because that’s also the sole reason why he feels comfortable with letting Sho into his house and into his mind.

It’s so easy to fall for Sho. Too easy, even. And it freaks Jun out a little bit. He won’t be so terrified if the attraction only comes from the physical because at least he knows that he won’t get hurt later when something goes wrong.

The problem is, it doesn’t. Even though Jun practically saw Sho almost naked before they started talking, it’s still how Sho is as a whole person that draws him in. Jun finds everything about Sho intriguing, and he wants to know more.

\---

Jun watches idly as the tomato sauce on his pan bubble up nicely.

It’s Saturday, and Saturday is the day when he cooks. Sho is out of town for a business trip, and so Jun has to eat his food alone. After three consecutive Saturdays that he spent with Sho, Jun is actually thankful to have this weekend for himself.

It helps him unblock his mind a little bit.

But his solitude won’t last for too long, though, because Sho will be back tomorrow morning, and they have planned to move their Saturday dinner to a Sunday lunch for this week. And so that’s why Jun doesn’t only cook for himself today.

Jun doesn’t really like frozen food, but he doesn’t like waking up too early in the morning just to cook more. So he decides to cook the food today and store it in the fridge.

From his stories, Sho always gets too tired after a business trip that he doesn’t even bother to choose what he eats. Jun wants to make Sho eat something nice, at least. He also plans to buy some shellfish in the supermarket tomorrow, to eat with the pasta.

The sauce starts to change color to a bolder one, a sign that it has begun to be fully cooked. Jun watches with excitement; it’s always nice to see the result of his hard work.

That’s when Jun hears the so familiar sound from the next door. Sho’s working music. Jun refers the hip hop music as that ever since he found out that it’s the music that accompanies Sho working.

But it’s impossible, Jun thinks. Sho is not home, won’t be until tomorrow. Jun’s heart beats faster. Could it be that Sho just said so because he doesn’t want to spend his Saturday with Jun? But why must he lie?

Well, there’s only one way to find out, Jun thinks, turning the stove off. He takes an old baseball bat he’s been keeping for an emergency with him, in case a burglar broke into Sho’s house.

Jun opens his door and locks it before walking to Sho’s door and knocks. If it’s a burglar inside Sho’s house, he doesn’t want the risk of his house being broken into too.

The music is still playing, and Jun balls his fist tight before banging on Sho’s door.

There’s no response from the inside. Jun knocks harder and calls out, “Sho?”

Still nothing. “Sho? I know you’re inside. Will you open the door? If you don’t, I’ll break in,” Jun calls again.

If it’s the burglar who’s inside, Jun needs to break in before he runs away.

“Sho?” Jun calls one last time. “Sho that’s it, I’m going in, okay?”

Jun takes some steps backward. He puts the baseball bat down, then he gets himself ready to break in. Just when he’s about to barge in, the door flings open, revealing a concerned Sho.

“Oh, Jun! I’m sorry I didn’t hear you because of… the music,” he chuckles, “Wanna come in?”

Jun raises his eyebrows, frowning. He looks at Sho with suspicion. “You said you’re out of town.”

“Um? Oh yeah, I did say that. I’m sorry. They sent me home a day earlier, and I was sleeping in for the whole morning. Then I woke up and remembered that there’s something I haven’t done. So I put the music to start working,” Sho notices the look on Jun’s face.

“I’m.. I’m really sorry. It totally slipped my mind to tell you. I was so tired I headed straight up to bed.”

Jun takes a deep breath. “I was worried. I thought a burglar broke in or something.”

“I’m sorry,” Sho reaches out to caress Jun’s face. Jun leans into the touch, sighing in relief.

“Well that’s okay,” Jun says finally. “You still working?”

“Yeah,” Sho doesn’t pull his hand away. Instead, he moves to brush Jun’s fringe away from his forehead, looking a little bit sad that he has to work.

Jun smiles. “I’m in the middle of cooking right now. What do you say I finish that, and you continue working? I will bring the food here so you can eat after,” Seeing the worried look on Sho’s face, Jun quickly adds, “Only if you’re okay with that, of course.”

Sho blinks a few times, seems like he’s weighing his options. “You sure it’s not too much work bringing the food here?”

Jun shakes his head while throwing Sho an assuring look. “It’s fine.”

Sho looks hesitating for another moment, then, “Okay then. I will continue working while you continue cooking. Um.. do you mind the..,” Sho lifts his hand and makes a circling motion, “The music? I really can’t work without it.”

“I don’t mind,” Jun smiles, “Don’t worry. I’m not the one who needs to get more sleep.”

Sho smiles, “Thank you for being so understanding,” he pulls Jun’s face and kisses his cheek.

“No problem,” Jun replies, “I’ll go back to my place now, then. See you later.”

“See you later,” Sho finally pulls his hand back.

Jun waits until Sho closes the door until he returns to his own place. He goes back to the kitchen to resume his cooking. There’s something weird about Sho’s story, something that feels amiss for Jun, but he doesn’t really want to point it out.

It’s completely understandable that he passes out before he remembers to tell Jun. And it’s also understandable that once he remembers there’s something he hasn’t done for work, he goes straight to do it and forgets anything else.

If there’s one thing Jun can conclude for the conversations they’ve had, it’s that both he and Sho are workaholics. They take pride in their job even though they don’t play a significant role for both companies they work for.

So Jun tries not to think about it as he continues his cooking, bopping his head to the music every now and then. He can get used to it, he thinks. It was annoying at first because the timing is always inappropriate. But they can discuss it, and Sho can play music when Jun is also being productive. That might actually solve the problem.

Jun smiles. He can’t wait to tell Sho about it later. He comes with an idea of compromise, and he can’t help but be proud of himself. The Jun of the past won’t even try to think about it, he’ll probably snap and shout the moment he hears Sho blasting music again after he promised not to.

It’s actually terrifying how Jun can be so considerate when it comes to Sho. It’s a good thing, but Jun isn’t used to it. Not a lot of people who come to his life can make him feel this way.

And when they do, they don’t usually choose to stay when they’re given the option.

Half an hour later, Jun finishes cooking. He puts the pasta in a big container and the sauce in a slightly smaller one then brings them both to the dining table. He takes his phone out and texts Sho to let him know that he’s coming over. He waits until Sho reply before moving to go out.

When Jun opens his door, he sees Sho waiting on his threshold, head popping out to the hallway. Jun brings both containers out of his place and gives them to Sho. He tells Sho to hold the door as he returns to his place. Sho nods and keeps the door opened, walking inside to put the containers somewhere.

“Close the door behind you and latch the chain later please,” Jun hears Sho telling him before he locks his own door.

Jun does as he’s told later; making sure the door is shut and latching the chain over it. Jun turns around to see the inside of Sho’s apartment, and that’s when he realizes it; he’s never been in here before.

Well, he did see the inside of the apartment once when he also saw almost naked Sho clad only in his shorts, but that was from the outside.

From the inside, Sho’s place looks the same size as his apartment, but it’s slightly less tidy. The types of furniture Sho keeps inside his apartment are different than what Jun has too. For one, there’s the huge ass boombox set sitting beside the TV in the middle of Sho’s living room.

Jun takes the view in for a moment, from the untidy coffee table in the living room probably because of Sho’s work, to the empty kitchen save from the fridge that’s covered with post-its and various kinds of magnets.

Jun hears Sho cackling, and he throws Sho a look. He’s standing in his dining room, not moving anywhere after putting Jun’s food on the table.

Sho shrugs at him. “I’m sorry for the state of this place. I know compared to yours this is some horrible mess.”

“Oh,” Jun just realizes that he has been staring for quite a while, “Sorry. I don’t mean to judge or anything. This place actually seems comfortable.”

Jun doesn’t lie, the place does look comfortable. It needs some tidying up, yes. But if that arrangement is what makes Sho feel most comfortable living in, then he can’t do anything about that, can he?

Okay, the place needs some organizing, maybe, and Jun will be glad if Sho allows him to help.

But he doesn’t need to tell Sho that now. There’s something else more bothersome for him.

“The music,” Jun winces, “is louder here than it sounds from my place.”

Sho laughs, “Oh. Oh, that. I’m really sorry!” Sho points to the dining chair he’s been standing beside the whole time. “You can sit here and wait while I’m working. I just need a very short time to finish. Just, give me ten, fifteen minutes, probably?”

Jun walks straight to the dining room, mumbling ‘excuse my intrusion’ when he passed the doorway.

“I have a better idea,” Jun tells Sho, “Where do you keep your plates? I can make the table while you finish whatever it is you’re working on.”

“Oh. Yeah. Great. It’s there,” Sho points, “Inside the drawer under that island.”

“And the forks and spoons?”

“I keep everything inside there,” Sho smiles sheepishly. “I don’t have so many of those. You’ll just be taking everything from there if you make the table for the both of us.”

Jun hums his acknowledgment before gets on moving.

“I’ll go back to work then,” Sho shuffles, moving out from the kitchen.

“Go,” Jun ushers him. He opens the drawer. Sho wasn’t lying. There’s only a pair of each utensil. Jun takes them all and brings them to the table.

When he’s done laying down everything on the table, he pulls a chair and sits down. Sho looks at him when he does, Jun supposes Sho hears him pulling the chair.

“Gonna be right there in a minute,” Sho tells Jun, and he nods.

Jun watches as Sho stands up to pull all the scattering papers to one place and closes his laptop. He observes as Sho takes them off the table and puts them inside his bag. His eyes not leaving Sho’s as Sho walks to the dining table finally. Sho smiles, and he asks what Jun will have to drink.

“Whatever you’re offering me,” Jun replies, “you’re the host.”

Sho makes a chuckle, one that Jun has been so fond of. He retrieves some cans of beer and puts it on the table. “I hope you’re not against drinking booze at this time of the day.”

Jun shakes his head, “Beer is hardly booze. And it’s evening already anyway, Sho.”

Sho smiles, his face quirks up in amusement. “I like you, Jun.”

“Yeah you’ve said that,” Jun replies, avoiding Sho’s eyes because he can feel himself blushing again. He takes off the containers’ lids to shift his focus.

Their dinner, this time, feels different for Jun from all they have so far. For once, they’re having it in Sho’s place, not in Jun’s or in any other place outside. And besides that, they have started talking about something more personal.

Sho tells Jun about his family; he comes from a five-person family, he has a younger sister and a younger brother. They live in Tokyo too, but on the other side of the town. Sho comes home sometimes when his family gathers to celebrate something. Sometimes he goes home because he feels like without any special occasion, though.

Sho doesn’t say anything when Jun, with his face, refuses to reciprocate on telling a story about his family. Jun likes that Sho respects that boundary. Most people he met will expect him to tell stories about his family once they told theirs, and Jun just can’t explain that he doesn’t want to.

In return, because Jun wants to tell Sho something equally personal, Jun tells Sho about Nino and Aiba. He tells Sho how they’ve been friends for a long time, and they are basically people Jun are closest with.

Jun doesn’t mention about his past with Nino, though. He doesn’t know what Sho will say about that, and he doesn’t want to start a petty fight about a friend that’s also his ex.

Sho tells Jun about his friend too after that, which he refers affectionately as Satoshi-kun. He’s a guy from the bakery next to Sho’s office who became his friend because of his frequent visits.

Sho admits the frequent visit part with a slight blush on his face, and Jun finds it really cute.

“Do you visit the shop frequently for that Satoshi-kun or for the bread?” Jun wriggles his eyebrows.

Sho groans, “You’re making fun of me.”

“I am not! I’m honestly curious! Is this Satoshi-kun good looking? Do you like him? Is that why you keep visiting the bakery?” Jun puts on a mock-serious face.

Sho laughs, “See? You’re mocking me! Of course I’m there for the bread! Satoshi-kun is amazing at making them. It’s always fresh every day. You should try their soba bread sometimes.”

Jun nods, “Probably I will sometimes. But are you sure, Sho? You find everything delicious.”

“Stop that!” Sho whines, his face red from all the blushing.

Jun smiles. He stands up and takes both Sho’s plate and his, bringing them to the sink. Behind him, he hears Sho following, probably carrying the container with him.

“I’m going to do the dishes if that’s alright with you,” Jun tells Sho without looking, his hand moves to turn the faucet.

“Okay,” Sho answers. He shifts restlessly behind Jun; Jun can tell from the sound of his footsteps, moving a lot but not to anywhere.

“What do you usually do when I’m washing the dishes?” Sho asks finally. Jun chuckles. Seems like Sho can’t stand not doing anything while Jun keeps himself busy.

They’re not so different from each other, after all.

“I usually dry the plates,” Jun answers.

Jun hears Sho hums as a response. He assumes that Sho will take a dry napkin to start helping Jun. But then, two arms sneak around his waist, holding him in place.

Jun jumps in his place, he almost turns on his heels but Sho holds him. “What are you doing?!”

Instead of receiving an answer, he feels Sho’s body flushed behind him. Then, he feels Sho’s breath tickling under his ear.

Jun feels Sho shifts his head a bit on his neck, and then he hears Sho whispers directly to his right ear, “Too bad, I prefer them air dry. Now what should I do to keep myself busy while you’re occupied?”

Jun sucks a breath. Sho’s whisper sounds thick and husky, a far cry from the guy who whined earlier because he was teased for liking some pieces of bread a little bit too much.

But he gains control soon. Sho surprises him, and he doesn’t like it, he needs to tell Sho that. “I don’t like to be approached from the back like that,” Jun murmurs, “Don’t do that again.”

“I’m sorry Jun,” Sho whispers, keeping his husky voice. He doesn’t sound apologetic at all, “I won’t do that again.”

Sho bites Jun’s earlobe with the last whisper. Jun shivers involuntarily. He hears Sho hums, then he feels Sho planting a kiss on the right side of his neck. He bites his lips to stop a moan from escaping.

“It’s just, you’re doing something,” Sho returns to his ear, “It’s only fair if I’m doing something too.”

Jun sighs. He doesn’t expect Sho to be this… touchy-feely with him. He certainly doesn’t seem like the type. But probably it’s because they’re together right now. Jun can like this, he thinks. Although he really needs to do this chore properly.

“I won’t be able to wash your plates properly if you’re distracting me like that, Sakurai,” Jun warns him, using his intimidating tone.

Sho is licking a line from the spot near Jun’s shoulder along the side of Jun’s neck to under his ear when Jun scolds. Apparently, Sho isn’t immune to that intimidating tone because Jun feels him stop doing his ministration.

“You can be so scary sometimes,” Sho sulks. Jun imagines the pout adorning Sho’s face, and he can’t help but smile from the cute mental image. “Okay. I will just watch,” Jun feels the dull tip of Sho’s chin on his shoulder.

“You will just cling to me like that?” Jun chuckles while he reaches to turn the faucet off. He takes the sponge to scrub the plates with the soap.

“I love your shoulders,” Sho mumbles instead, “They’re so broad and sturdy. Not like mine.”

Jun smiles. Sho is being so cute that had he not been washing the dishes, he’d have Sho pinned on the kitchen table and kissing him senseless. “I like your shoulders, though,” Jun continues scrubbing, “They’re cute.”

“Really? Oh well if you said so, then,” Sho buries his face on Jun’s neck after that. Jun can hear him inhaling.

“Sho? I’m not done yet,” Jun reminds him. He starts the water again, rinsing the plates clean.

He can feel Sho pulling away from his neck to take a peek, then he puts his head back on where it was, buried in his neck. “You’re almost done,” Sho murmurs against his neck.

Jun tries his best to rinse the dishes as fast as he can, seeing that there’s no way he can stop Sho from doing whatever he’s doing right now. He focuses on getting the dishes done so he can participate more actively in whatever Sho has in mind for them.

Although, for now, Sho seems content with just inhaling Jun in. He hasn’t tried to do anything else since he has his face buried in Jun’s neck. Well, aside from pressing his lips on the skin occasionally.

It’s honestly distracting Jun so much, the tickle on his neck and Sho’s body pressing behind him. He can feel Sho is already half hard now against his ass. It makes his blood starts to pool on his groin too.

Jun finally finishes rinsing the last piece of cutlery. He puts it on the rack with the others, letting it air dry because Sho said that he prefers that. He washes his hands clean under the faucet. Taking a deep breath, Jun places both of his hands on the edge of the sink. “I’m done, Sho. You’re not sleeping, are you?”

Sho shakes his head against Jun’s neck in response. He pulls his head and resumes his previously pending ministration. He plants a kiss on the back of Jun’s neck before trailing kisses down to the jaw.

Jun shivers at how Sho’s tongue feels warm against his skin. He wants to turn around, to feel that tongue inside his mouth, but this feels so good he doesn’t want Sho to stop.

Sho lifts his hand to tilt Jun’s head to the side. Jun can feel Sho’s tongue tracing his jaw, getting closer to his mouth. A moment later, Sho kisses him. Jun breathes in relief as he feels Sho’s mouth on his, his tongue poking, trying to get in. Jun lets him in, and he moans almost instantly. He meets Sho’s warm tongue with his own, mapping every ridge on the surface.

The hand on his hip isn’t strong enough to hold Jun in place, but Sho pushes him with his body so Jun is trapped between Sho and the kitchen sink. Jun tries to turn around, but even his strength can’t fight Sho’s will to keep him in place. The effort sends Jun bucking his ass to Sho’s hips instead, and Sho moans to their kiss.

When they pull apart from the kiss, Sho has his eyes focused on Jun’s lips. “Oh, there’s three on here,” Sho mumbles. He leans to kiss around Jun’s lips. Jun then realizes that he must be talking about his moles. Sho isn’t the first person to do that, and even so, Jun always find it so arousing to see someone so attracted to him that they’re taking notes of his body marks.

Sho lets go of Jun’s face, returning his hand to hold Jun’s hips in place. He moves, bringing his head back to Jun’s neck.

“There’s three on here too,” Sho mumbles before pressing his lips to Jun’s neck.

Jun tilts his head to the left to give Sho better access. He closes his eyes, focused only on the feelings of Sho’s lips pressed on his neck now that he isn’t doing anything else. Sho’s hand move to pull the end of his hair up, checking for that part of his neck too. Jun honestly doesn’t know if he has a mole on that part too, but then Sho puts his hand back on Jun’s hips.

“Hm? There’s nothing on here,” Jun hears Sho says, his tone close to a complaint. Then he feels Sho’s tongue tracing a line on his nape, and Jun ducks his head. Sho trails a line so slowly that Jun can feel everything, and he shivers so hard his hands tremble.

Sho pulls his head when he reaches the other side, and Jun tilts his head to the right in response. Jun hears Sho’s amused ‘ooh’ before feeling Sho’s lips pressed against his skin. Sho lingers there for a moment, and Jun can feel that Sho’s grinning.

Jun can feel Sho’s chin on his shoulder again. Sho chuckles, which reverberates on Jun’s body.

“Where else do you have those little marks on?” Sho asks.

It’s Jun’s turn to laugh. “I’m not sure,” he drags his voice, “But I think I have one on my nipple.”

“Oh really?” Sho inquires, “Which one of the nipples. The left one,” Sho’s hand slips under Jun’s shirt to pinch on Jun’s left nipple, “Or the right one?” Sho moves his hand aside to pinch the right nipple.

Jun arches at Sho’s sudden intrusion. He laughs breathlessly. “I don’t know, Sho-san,” Jun tilts his head to look at Sho, “Why don’t you check for yourself?”

Sho pulls his head back and moves it to the other side of Jun’s head. Jun can feel Sho getting closer to his ear and then he hears Sho whispers. “Is that a challenge?”

Jun moans. Sho’s husky voice is something he never thought will arouse him that bad. He tries to keep himself together, and then he replies. “What if I say yes?”

The hands on Jun’s hips tightens, and Jun has to keep his balance when Sho pulls him, turning him around. Sho presses his body closer to Jun, keeping him trapped. Jun can feel Sho breathing in his space, as he’s sure he also does in Sho’s space.

It’s Sho who leans in to kiss Jun. Hot, hard, and relentless. He slips his tongue inside when Jun moans in surprise, eliciting another moan from Jun as he suddenly feels Sho’s tongue inside his mouth. Jun moves his hand to grip on Sho’s ass, then he feels Sho chuckles into his mouth.

Sho’s still being able to laugh when they’re kissing only makes Jun bolder. He sucks on Sho’s tongue, squeezes Sho’s ass hard, and grinds his hips to meet Sho. Jun tries to move forward, wanting to flip their position, but Sho’s grip on his hips is unrelenting. The action only gets Sho pressing his body closer to Jun.

“Don’t,” Sho pulls away as he breathlessly tries to get some words out, “It’s my house, Jun, my rules are what applied here.”

Jun sucks a breath. Sho really dares to use his words against him. He kisses Sho again, with more heat and intensity this time, trying to get Sho moans harder every time as he swallows them all. He kneads Sho’s clothed ass harder as he pulls Sho’s closer to grind on his crotch.

Sho retaliates that by gripping on Jun’s hips harder Jun’s sure there will be bruises. They pull each other closer by the hips like there’s still space between them. Both of them are fully hard right now, Jun can feel Sho’s erection pressing on his own.

They continue their movement for a while, kissing and grinding against each other. Sho is the one who pulls away some moments later. Jun pants as he looks at Sho’s eyes, definitely much darker than they were before.

“Hey,” Sho blinks, “I was in the middle of something. You were distracting me.”

Jun feels overwhelmed and stupid because of the arousal. Sho’s words don’t make sense at all for him right now. “What?” he asks in frustration.

Sho answers by moving his hands up to hold on the edge of his shirt, and then pulls it higher. Jun helps taking it off by raising his hands. The shirt gets thrown out somewhere on the kitchen floor, Jun is thankful that it’s not one of his best ones.

With Jun’s naked chest bared in front of him, Sho takes a moment to pause and just stares at it. Jun is about to scold him because it embarrasses him to be stared at like that, but then he feels Sho’s soft kiss against his left collarbone.

“There’s one on here,” Sho murmurs, and Jun blushes. Sho pays so much attention to him and even though Jun was often put in the spotlight by his previous partner, no one has been as affectionate and appreciative as Sho.

Sho pulls away from Jun’s collarbone after licking a line on that, then he presses another kiss to the top of Jun’s left upper arm. “Wow there’s even one on your arm,” he informs Jun, who by now just feels more and more aroused by what Sho’s doing.

Jun feels a soft caress on his upper arm, on the part where Sho kisses him, and he hisses. Sho drops other kisses on three spots around his right clavicle, and Jun shivers.

“Oh!” Sho exclaims when he pulls away to look at Jun’s chest again. “You didn’t tell me that you have the mole on both your nipples.”

Jun doesn’t get to answer on that because Sho kisses his mole while pinching the nipple above him just when Jun opens his mouth. Instead of words, Jun lets out a gasp, and he can feel Sho’s lips curving into a smile on his skin.

Then Sho moves, trailing his tongue, leaving wet on Jun’s skin to reach the other nipple. He gives this one an open-mouthed kiss, sucking the skin right beside Jun’s nipple and Jun hisses at the sensation. Sho teases him with no mercy and the only thing stopping Jun from pushing Sho to the kitchen counter across the sink is that he doesn’t want Sho to stop.

Jun never knew that being teased in such manner could feel so hot for him. Sho shifts his mouth, now sucking on the nipple instead of the mole and Jun moans. He doesn’t even care to prevent Sho from hearing it.

Sho does an incredible job with his mouth on Jun’s skin, and Jun wants to let him know just that.

Jun steals a glance down to see Sho, and he’s met with Sho’s face looking at him, lust apparent in the dark eyes. Jun swallows, the sight of Sho so hot and so lustful making his throat dry.

Sho lets go of Jun’s nipple to lick a line to Jun’s stomach. He pauses to press some more kisses on Jun’s abdomen. Jun has lost count of how many of his marks Sho has found, yet Sho keeps going, mapping them like he doesn’t want an inch of Jun’s body left uncharted.

There’s one kiss Sho drops on the patch of skin near Jun’s waistband, and then Sho drops himself to kneel before Jun. He looks up to Jun, eyes asking for permission. Jun nods, giving Sho the answer without opening his mouth.

Sho lowers Jun’s sweatpants, along with his underwear. He sighs in relief when he feels the chill air hitting his hard cock.

It’s not what Jun expected when he feels Sho kissing the tip of his cock, next to the slit. “I can’t believe there’s one on here too,” Sho tells him, lifting his face.

Heat creeps up on Jun’s face. Even now, with Jun completely naked in front of him, Sho still carries with him the mission of learning every surface of Jun’s body. It floods Jun with a warm feeling of flattery, knowing that Sho does it to such extent for him.

Sho doesn’t break the stare he has on Jun when he slowly teases the slit with his tongue. There’s precome pooling on there, and Sho laps it clean. Then he moves to the side, licking a line along the shaft, circles around the base, and back up the shaft.

Jun can’t hold the moan from escaping his lips as he watches Sho taking the time to lick his cock. He doesn’t put it in his mouth, just licking around it like a kid licking on a popsicle.

“Sho,” Jun bucks his hips, trying to tell Sho to just suck him because he needs to feel Sho’s warm mouth around his cock, but Sho puts a hand on the side of Jun’s hips to stop him.

Sho pulls his head back, looking at Jun, and lick a line along the shaft again. Jun’s cock twitches at the sight of Sho, not hiding the lust in his eyes, but keeping his movement just to tease Jun. Then Sho moves lower, taking Jun’s balls inside his mouth and suck them, and Jun is reduced to a string of curses.

Sho still doesn’t stop moving. He pulls Jun’s legs apart, fumbling Jun’s balls with his hand, and then he moves his head lower and his hand higher. Sho licks on the perineum at the same time as he starts squeezing Jun’s cock.

Jun’s breath hitches, as he lets out a moan that’s close to a sob. Sho’s other hand moves to caress the inside of his thigh, and Jun brings a hand to his mouth to muffle his ragged moan.

Everything that Sho does at the same time makes Jun lose his sense of anything else. Sho’s wet tongue teasing on the sensitive skin, his hand stroking the length of his cock, and his other hand caressing his inner thighs up and down. Jun throws his head back, taking in the feeling of pleasure.

Then Sho moves to suck on his balls hard while tracing his tongue over the skin. Jun snaps his eyes shut, profanities coming out of his mouth. Sho’s grip on his cock becomes harder and relentless.

The hand moves faster up and down, with Sho snapping his wrist every now and then. The other hand still caress his thigh gently, softly, that the mixed sensations make Jun almost screams in pleasure.

When Jun feels Sho’s mouth around the head of his cock, his eyes snap open. He looks at Sho, who looks back at him with wild eyes. Sho moves lower to take all of Jun’s length inside his mouth, making Jun curses.

Sho’s hand shift to fumble with his balls, alternating between featherlight touches and light squeeze. Jun tries his hardest not to fuck Sho’s mouth. He takes a deep breath, tightens the muscles on his stomach to try and get a grip on himself. He has one hand on the edge of the counter and another one fisting his mouth.

The gentle caress on his thigh still doesn’t stop. Even though it’s almost the complete opposite of what Sho is doing with his mouth. Jun can feel the heat of Sho’s mouth around his cock, moving up and down.

Sho gives a hard suck, hollowing his cheeks, and teasing the slit with his tongue at the same time, and Jun finally loses it. He moves his hand to the back of Sho’s neck, gripping at the base of the hair.

Jun pulls on Sho’s head and pushes him deeper in, using Sho’s mouth to his own rhythm. Sho is only too willing to comply, letting his mouth open wide as Jun fucks his mouth Jun’s sure that his jaw hurts.

Sho hollows his cheek in time with Jun’s movement, and his hand still fumbles with Jun’s balls. One hard suck when Jun is buried deep inside, combined with a squeeze on his balls is what makes Jun come. He spurts inside Sho’s mouth, screaming Sho’s name, as Sho takes it all in while sucking the cock, help Jun milking his orgasm.

Jun whines and gives Sho’s head a pull when it feels too much for his over sensitive cock. Sho lets him out, and then he stands up, leveling his eyes with Jun.

Sho’s hand holds Jun’s face in place as he’s swallowing everything, licking his lips to clean everything. The sight makes Jun moans, and he pulls Sho to kiss him. Jun can taste himself on Sho’s mouth, but it only feels hotter for him as he moans again to Sho’s mouth.

Then Sho lets go almost too abruptly, a thin thread of saliva drags between their mouths.

“Wait here,” Sho orders with his husky voice before he leaves. Jun is too dazed to realize what’s going on, he doesn’t even have the brain to ask where Sho’s going.

Not three minutes later, Sho returns. He’s naked, much like Jun now, and he brings a bottle of lube and a pack of condoms with him. Then he orders Jun to turn around, hands on the counter, and Jun scrambles to obey. The thought of Sho fucking him against the kitchen counter sends Jun hard again within seconds.

Jun looks over his back as Sho approaches him. Sho lands a hand on Jun’s ass, kneading softly. He puts the lube and the condom on the counter beside the sink and his hands on Jun’s waist.

Sho doesn’t do anything for a moment, just holding Jun like that, and Jun can feel his impatience building inside. He opens his mouth to call Sho, but then he feels Sho’s lips pressing on his right scapula. Sho kisses once on the top right, near his shoulder, and once on the lower left.

Jun feels Sho licks a line down to his spine, making him shiver. Sho kisses a spot somewhere on his spine.

“Hm? There are not as many back here,” Jun can hear Sho pouts. Sho must have kissed his moles, again, that guy, and Jun finds himself amused and annoyed at the same time. His body is trapped to the sink, lube and condom beside his hand, a promise of something, yet Sho decides it’s the best time to map the moles on his back.

“Are you getting impatient?” Sho whispers to his ear. He wonders if he’s that transparent or Sho can actually read minds, both options are not thrilling. “Do you want me to do something about you, aside from holding you against the counter and appreciating your body?”

The husky voice sends a chill on Jun’s spine, and he shivers. “Yes,” Jun answers.

“Oh is that so?” Sho lets the hold on his hips go to reach the bottle. Jun can hear the sound of it being uncapped, and he imagines Sho squeezing it to get some on his fingers. Then Jun sees Sho’s hand putting the bottle back on the counter.

One hand returns to his hips, holding him still, and Sho whispers in his ears again. “What do you want me to do, Jun?”

Jun whimpers. He tries to think of an answer, but he doesn’t know what he has to say to get Sho moving. He knows what he wants, he knows how he wants it, but he doesn’t want to say it without it sounding like a beg.

Which is pretty hard to do, since he has his cock hard again already from arousal. He wants Sho to fuck him hard.

“Don’t think too much,” comes Sho’s whisper again. “Here, let me help you.”

With that, Sho uses his clean hand to part Jun’s ass cheeks. Jun waits in anticipation for what’s about to come, if Sho’s going to just shove his fingers in, but instead, Sho reaches for the ring muscle and presses lightly.

“Is this helpful enough? Have you decided what you want me to do to you?” Sho squeezes Jun’s ass and presses around the hole.

Jun keeps his silence. Sho is teasing him, he doesn’t want to give in and beg that easily.

Sho hums at Jun’s stubbornness. “You still don’t want to say it?” Jun feels the pressure on his ass increased, and then a finger pushes in. Jun moans, biting his lips to prevent the sound getting out, but he’s too late, Sho already hears him.

A sigh, then, “Oh look at you, moaning in pleasure because of one finger inside you. Are you sure you’re still not saying what you want?” Sho presses around the hole with one finger, then he’s pulling and pushing back, getting deeper every time.

Silence follows Sho’s question, Sho still patiently moves one finger inside of Jun. Jun clenches, and suddenly he feels another finger going in.

Jun’s breath hitches, no, he thinks angrily, he’s not going to beg for this. He has pride, he doesn’t want it tattered just because he needs to feel Sho’s cock inside of him. He doesn’t want to give Sho the pleasure of hearing him begging.

“What are you thinking about, Jun?” Sho teases, chuckling a little. “Have you finally found out what you want? Are you going to say it finally?”

The two fingers inside Jun starts to scissor, but not touching his prostate. Jun thinks Sho must have done it deliberately, prolonging his teasing just to make him beg. Then a finger pushes in, directly moves to touch his prostate.

Jun bucks his hips back out of reflex, and it makes Sho laughs at him. Sho uses all his fingers to massage his prostate so fervently that Jun can’t stop moving his hips back to feel more of the friction.

When Jun tries to move his hand from the counter to reach for his cock, Sho stops him.

“No, Jun. Don’t touch yourself. You can’t touch yourself until you tell me what you really want,” The last sentence has Sho whispering in his ear, and Jun has to clench both his hands to fists to try gaining control of himself.

Jun’s breath becomes more ragged for every push that Sho makes against his prostate, and seems like Sho notices it. He keeps moving his fingers like that, all so slow and gentle but so teasing that Jun almost can’t take it.

Then Sho moves faster so suddenly, his grip on Jun’s hips tightens, and he starts whispering to Jun’s ear. He tells Jun about how he’s going to have Jun against the counter, and then again, probably, if they’re up for it, with Jun on top of it. Sho says how he’ll thrust into Jun fast and hard and relentless, how he won’t stop even if Jun begs him to.

“And, because I’m a generous man, Jun, after that, I will let you take me here, against the kitchen counter. You can have me as how you want it, how you like it,” Sho continues, his fingers pistoning inside Jun.

“You can even try to break me, shove my face down the counter as you ram so hard inside me I won’t be able to sit down for days.”

That sends Jun moans so hard he’s sure that he’d have been able to hear it from his own bedroom had he been there.

“You like it, don’t you?” Sho whispers, “I know you want it, Jun. All you have to do is tell me.”

Sho’s fingers don’t stop moving inside Jun, and Jun is so close to coming without his cock being touched that he starts to see stars before his eyes.

“What do you want, Jun?” Sho asks finally, breathing in Jun’s ear.

“Please, Sho,” Jun whimpers. He chokes on a sob. “Please fuck me.”

Jun’s plea comes out in a whisper, but apparently, it was enough for Sho to hear. Jun feels Sho pulling out his fingers slowly, making Jun aware of the emptiness inside him.

Sho takes the condom on the counter with the hand he had on Jun’s hips, then Jun hears the sound of the wrapper being torn. Sho probably uses his teeth to rip it open, and Jun shivers as he imagines it.

The hand returns to the counter to take the bottle of lube. Jun can hear the sound of Sho slicking himself, and then, as the hand puts the bottle back on the counter, Jun finally feels the blunt head poking on his hole.

Sho parts Jun’s legs wider with his hand. Jun sucks a breath when he feels Sho pushing inside him. Sho moans behind him, voice so desperate like he was the one being teased the whole time. Jun decides he likes Sho making that sound, so he reciprocates Sho’s movement by moving his hips lower.

It took some time for Sho to get himself fully sheathed in Jun, but he’s there, finally. His balls snug on Jun’s ass, his hands gripping his hips for leverage.

Jun rolls his hips experimentally, and it drives Sho moaning hard.

“Stop. Wait,” Sho grips Jun’s hips tighter. “Don’t. You’re so tight around me. I won’t last if you move like that. Wait.”

Jun can’t help but chuckle at that, and it sends vibration on his body, down to his ass. He clenches his ass for effect. Sho moans again, and it spurs Jun even more.

Sho moves now, slowly inching out and back inside Jun. He moves with a rhythm that drives Jun impatient, so Jun meets him back faster. Jun can hear Sho hitches a breath, and he keeps going.

Jun’s constant movement apparently makes Sho unable to hold it in anymore, and the next moment Jun knows, Sho moves hard and fast into him. Sho is ramming on Jun’s hole, his rhythm sloppy.

Jun meets him back thrust after thrust, feeling himself getting closer, and when he moves his hand to reach his cock, Sho stops him. Sho moves one hand to Jun’s cock, pumping it in time with his thrust.

It doesn’t take long for Jun to be there, just right there, and one stroke can make him come all over Sho’s kitchen sink, when he hears Sho moaning his name and comes, cock twitching inside Jun. Sho rides it through his orgasm, still stroking Jun’s cock as he does, and that’s when Jun comes for the second time that night.

Jun feels Sho’s weight against him, as he holds himself not to fall forward to the sink. A moment later, Sho pulls out of Jun to discard the condom to the trash. He leaves Jun without saying anything, and Jun almost freaks out, but apparently Sho just leaves to take a towel.

Jun watches as Sho opens the faucet on the sink, puts the towel under it for a moment, then he turns it off. Sho brings the towel to clean Jun’s cock and thighs, and Jun winces, feeling his skin still so sensitive after the orgasm.

Sho presses a kiss on Jun’s temple. It feels so warm and loving that Jun wants to just melt into that.

“Do you want to lie down?” Sho asks, “There’s the sofa if you want to—”

Jun doesn’t hear what Sho has to say, he knows where the bedroom is; the plan isn’t different from his place, after all. So he pulls up his pants, invites himself and walks to Sho’s bedroom. Yes, he needs to lie down. No, a sofa won’t be sufficient.

What Jun sees when he reaches Sho’s bedroom, however, isn’t something that he has expected. Jun calls out for Sho, who is apparently already behind him.

Jun points at the thing lying beside Sho’s bed. “Is that—is that a body bag?”


	4. Chapter 4

“Jun,” Sho lays a hand on Jun’s shoulder, turning him around.

Jun turns around, and he sees a face of Sho that he has never seen before. He looks stern and severe. His brows are raised, the upper part of his nose is wrinkled, and his lips are pulled to a thin line. Jun thinks that’s probably how he himself look like when he’s close to snapping. Sho looks like Jun just intruded into Sho’s house without permission.

Sho seems like he wants to tell Jun to get off, to get out of his house because he shouldn’t be here in the first place.

But then Jun keeps staring at him and Sho blinks, his face softens.

“I’m… I’m sorry, Jun,” Sho shakes his head, his eyes staring at the ground.

“What are you sorry for?” Jun tries to keep his voice steady even when he feels close to freaking out. He just saw a body bag inside of Sho’s bedroom, and now Sho is apologizing to him.

Jun can only think of one thing given that circumstances, and he isn’t really sure of what to feel about that.

Sho lifts his head, and when he does, Jun can see the look on his face changing again. He looks worried, his lips pursed, his eyes looking at Jun, pleading.

Another face Jun has never seen before. Jun tries to keep himself grounded even though he’s even closer to snapping now. He needs to hear Sho’s explanation for this.

“What are you saying sorry for, Sakurai?” Jun repeats his question, using Sho’s family name now to stress a point. He needs Sho to answer, and he needs Sho to understand that.

Sho inhales a long, deep breath, and then he sighs. “Yes, it’s a body bag.”

“What’s inside it?” Jun’s voice comes out trembling even though he tries so hard to hold himself.

Sho closes his eyes and frowns before giving his answer. “A dead man’s body.”

Jun sucks a hitched breath. One part of his presumption is right. He feels like he’s on the edge of a cliff now. One more question and then nothing will hold him from a free fall.

“Why is it here?” Jun starts to feel his whole body trembling, but he throws the question out anyway. He needs to know the whole truth of the situation.

Besides, he has been waiting too long for being able to fall freely without thinking about too many consequences.

“I told you,” Sho opens his eyes. He looks at Jun as he pauses his words, looking bold and undeterred. “I was working.”

Jun swallows, his throat suddenly feels dry. Sho being so close to him doesn’t help either. It’s almost like the room is suddenly vacuumed of air. Jun feels suffocated.

But he needs to know for sure before he lets his emotion get the best of him.

“Did you kill him?” Jun asks, and at the same time, makes a move to get closer to the body bag. He sits down to keep control of himself, but when he does, he realizes that every part of his body aches.

And Jun knows it’s not because he just had sex on the kitchen counter.

Jun keeps his stare on Sho after he throws the question, watching Sho’s face wince in discomfort. Sho takes a moment to gain composure of himself again, and then he nods.

“I told you,” Sho moves closer again to Jun, although now he keeps his distance from the edge of the bed, “I was working. I was actually working on _that_.”

“Were you murdering him?” Jun asks but doesn’t expect an answer. What he has in mind can’t be wrong. Sho must have used the loud music to muffle whatever sound he needs to make when he’s committing the murder.

Jun feels himself stir. He knows that, normally, he should be terrified to find out that his neighbor is a murderer, but he can’t. The discovery thrilled him to the point that he finds it difficult to breathe.

But Jun can’t let himself give in to his bloodlust. Not now, not with Sho staring at him, waiting for a typical response from him. He shakes his head and grips on the bed.

“This isn’t your first time?” Jun says again, and at that, Sho nods quickly. “Why?”

Sho breathes, this time looking annoyed. Probably he’s irked by Jun’s response—or the lack of it. Jun watches as Sho tries to put his thoughts to order the words.

But in the end, Sho sighs in defeat and answers, “I need to do something to unwind, and it’s not like those people I killed deserve to live after what they’ve done anyway.”

Jun holds his breath as he remembers the news he watched from the other day. So that one might be Sho’s doing too, because the previous night, Jun heard the loud music Sho played in his house too.

“The music,” Jun hangs his tone. He has guessed it, but he needs confirmation.

“It’s to muffle whatever sound my victim will make,” Sho nods, “I always give them sedatives, but you’ll never know what sounds they might make. Besides,” Sho lifts his eyes, thinking for a moment, “Sometimes I feel like using a gun instead of knives.”

“The car,” It’s not a common thing to see someone living in the middle of Tokyo uses a car to get around. The fact that Sho has a huge ass car doesn’t make it more normal either.

“It’s to make moving the body easier,” Sho nods again, moving closer.

“The empty place besides this one,” Jun stiffens. He just realizes one thing; he might be in actual danger.

Sho lifts his eyebrows, frowning, still moves even closer now, “I always pay double rent to have this floor all to myself, that’s why the landlord hasn’t really been looking for anyone to live in there. But then you came anyway.”

“Do you—,” Jun starts to tremble again now that Sho is close to him again. He tries to breathe normally to keeps himself steady, but it’s even harder to do now.

“Do you—me—do you want to—” Jun stutters.

“Do you mean to ask if I want to kill you?” Sho looks at him. Sho looks sad, devastated even, to the point that had the situation been different, Jun would have hauled him to his hold and told him that everything is going to be alright.

But this one isn’t one of the different situations Jun has in mind. Slowly, he nods his head. Then it feels like a chilly breeze has hit Jun’s nape. He shivers, one that distributes throughout his whole body, giving him a full body tremor.

It’s not because of Sho’s piercing, pleading look at him, not because the uncertainty of what Sho’s answer going to be. No. The thing is, if Sho answers that, yes, he wants to kill Jun, then Jun will have no idea what to do.

Because that means he might do it right now that the situation calls for it, and honestly, Jun is afraid.

Sho doesn’t break his stare. He looks like he’s waiting for something even though Jun has given him the answer to his question. Jun swears he can almost see the many things flashing in Sho’s head from the look in his eyes.

The silence keeps stretching as Jun waits for what Sho has to say.

After what seems like a whole hour in itself, Sho closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He still has his eyes shut tight when he answers, “I did want to kill you.”

It wasn’t louder than a whisper, but Jun hears it clearly.

Jun sucks a breath as he tries to control himself. His body is still shaking, thrilled for what Sho has to say about it. “Did?”

Sho draws another breath, eyes still closed. Then he opens his eyes and looks at Jun. “Yes. I did.”

“What about now?” Jun finds his voice croaks. He’s terrified now. The logical thing to do right now is leaving Sho to find safety for himself.

But something holds Jun to stay in his place, to listen to what Sho has as the answer.

Sho opens his eyes, and for the first time that night, Jun sees fear there. More than anything else. And Jun doesn’t know, has no idea of what to think about, because Sho is scared.

When between the two of them, Sho is the one with a proven ability to wreck one of them more tonight.

“You disturbed me,” is what leaving Sho’s mouth, “I was going to seduce you by greeting you with nothing but my underwear,” Sho drops his head, his voice cracking.

“I was so sure that it will work. That I will have you at my mercy, and then I can just kill you like I have done to so many people, when you invited me to dinner so soon after.”

Jun watches as Sho takes a seat beside him on the bed. He claps his hands together, propping his forehead, his elbows on his thighs. Then he unclasps them and starts to talk again, to the floor this time, like he can’t say it straight to Jun’s face.

Like it’s a failure he’s not willing to admit, but at the same time, it’s something he considers so precious for him that he doesn’t want to share it with anyone.

Not even Jun, even though Sho is currently talking about Jun. He’s babbling about how Jun has made him forget his initial intention. About how he finds someone he wants to protect with all his life.

A person he’s willing to risk his life for.

Jun closes his eyes and turns his head away. It sounds like Sho is sharing a secret he hold deepest in his heart, and it burns Jun from the inside to listen to it.

When Sho’s done with his explanation, and the silence is filling the room, Jun opens his eyes. He can see that Sho is looking at him.

“I have never loved anyone the way I feel about you, Jun,” Sho says finally, looking at Jun with expectation in his eyes.

That’s when Jun makes his decision. He stands up. Sho’s eyes follow his movement.

Standing right in front of Sho, Jun reaches out to touch Sho’s face with his palm. Sho leans into his touch, closing his eyes. Jun runs his thumb over Sho’s cheek, and Sho opens his eyes.

“Sho, I’m—I’m sorry,” Jun closes his eyes. “This is a whole lot of information at once, and I need time to take it in.”

Sho inhales a deep breath, his eyes not leaving Jun. “I know it is,” he whispers. “Just, I’m still going to let you know that, this is not going to change.”

“What?” Jun asks, choking on his word, “You killing people to have your definition of fun?”

Sho sighs and nods, closing his eyes for a moment. “That, yes. It’s not going to change.”

Sho reaches to hold Jun’s hand. Jun can feel how cold that hand is, almost ice cold, but Jun doesn’t let go of it.

“But what I was going to say is,” Sho takes a breath and caresses the back of Jun’s hand with his palm. “You’re important to me. And that is not going to change, Jun. I will make sure that no one hurt you in any way.”

“With my own way,” Sho adds, squeezing Jun’s hand.

Jun closes his eyes. He squeezes back before pulling his hand and leave.

That might have been the most romantic thing someone has ever told Jun.

\---

Jun pulls his phone out of his pocket. He pulls LINE app up, and taps on his conversation with Nino. He sends Nino a message to let him know that he’s coming.

‘It’s past midnight, Jun-kun. What makes you think that it’s okay to come over?’ and ‘Well just bring me some beer. I’m running out’ are what Jun receives as answers, not a minute later.

He pockets his phone back and starts to get some of his stuff inside a duffel bag. He’s going to stay with Nino for the rest of the weekend.

It’s unimaginable for Jun to stay in his house after what Sho has confessed to him. Jun needs some space, and staying in a place that basically shares a wall with Sho isn’t going to do.

Nino’s place isn’t the ideal place to go either, though. But Jun doesn’t want to be alone now. He doesn’t trust himself enough to be alone with this chaos inside his head.

He might try to drink his problems away and end up too drunk to think. Or worse, he’ll forget his worries and just run back to Sho and tell him how Jun doesn’t want to leave him.

Jun doesn’t want to leave Sho. If any, Sho’s confession only makes him want to be with Sho even more, but there’s one thing Jun hasn’t told Sho and he’s not ready to open himself up to Sho to that extent.

Well _his_ secret is nothing compared to Sho’s secret as an actual murderer, but still. Jun isn’t sure if Sho will accept him once he tells him about why he is so obsessed with murders. And if Jun tells Sho about it, he has to admit how broken he is, and that’s what he fears the most.

No one in the world who has known about Jun’s condition is willing to remain in a relationship with Jun. Once they know Jun is emotionally wrecked, they will leave for good. Jun isn’t sure that Sho will be the person who will stay with him.

And Jun doesn’t want to lose Sho, too, of all people.

Jun arrives near Nino’s building half an hour later. He makes a stop at the nearest convenience store to grab some cans of beer, as per Nino requested. He thinks about getting Nino some food too, but then remembers that Nino won’t even bother to eat it, so he doesn’t.

Nino opens the door not two minutes after Jun knocked. He opens the door enough for Jun to get in, and doesn’t wait there in the doorway. Jun watches Nino’s back as he returns to the living room.

Jun lets himself in, taking his shoes off, taking Nino’s house sandals, and gets in.

“Put the beer in the fridge, Jun,” Nino tells him, eyes not leaving the TV screen. “You can use my bed if you want to sleep. I won’t be there until morning anyway.”

Jun nods, even though he knows Nino won’t see it. He won’t care about Jun’s response anyway. He’s busy playing his game. He probably just said that so Jun will know what to do in case Jun gets bored of just watching.

This is why Jun chose to come to Nino’s place. It’s always like that between them. They know, can sense it, when each other is in trouble, and will give each other the space they need to think about it.

Nino knows that Jun has his emotional problem too, and he can be there to take care of it when he needs to. The problem is that it might take a toll on him when they get in a serious relationship, and he doesn’t want it.

Jun understands it, though, because he knows that he himself is a difficult person to be around. Of all other people who have left him, Nino is the one that actually sticks around.

Even though he just stays as a friend, at least he didn’t go and just abandon Jun like many others.

Like, say, his parents, for one.

And that’s why, even though Sho has opened himself up to him, Jun can’t just go and tell Sho more about himself. For all he knows, if Jun hadn’t been accidentally figured it out, Sho might not be that willing to tell Jun about his secret.

But then again, Sho opened up to him when he asked, and it terrified Jun, mostly, because he’s not sure he would have been able to do that had it been him on Sho’s position.

Jun slightly regrets his decision to leave because had it been him who was left alone after such huge confession, he wouldn’t have been able to deal with it.

Jun walks to Nino’s fridge to store the beer he brought, and takes two cans of Nino’s in return. He brings them to the sofa, puts one on the coffee table for Nino, and opens the other one for himself. Nino mumbles a thank you and Jun nods, leaning on the sofa comfortably.

“I suppose you won’t tell me why you’re here over midnight on a Saturday night when you have a boyfriend now,” Nino breaks the silence after they didn’t say anything for a while, the game’s sound effect being the only thing filling the room.

Jun exhales a long breath. “Yeah,” he answers, eyes not moving from the exciting colors and graphics on Nino’s TV. “Where’s the other controller?”

“Under the TV, like usual. You wanna play too?” Nino pauses the game to look at Jun.

Jun shrugs. “If you’re okay with that,” he answers, already moves to take the controller for the console. He’s familiar with this too, he thinks. It’s a good thing he and Nino are still good friends.

Nino sighs. “Are you sure you don’t want to sleep instead?”

“I won’t be able to,” Jun replies, already holding the controller in his hand, “And just watching is boring. But if you don’t want me to join you, then I’ll look for something else to do.”

Nino frowns, looks like he’s considering his options. “Well okay. I won’t mind. But let me finish this level first, okay?”

It’s good enough for Jun. He nods and returns to sit beside Nino on the sofa. He watches as Nino plays his way through the level, sipping his beer minutely meanwhile.

Jun joins Nino on the next level, and he’s so thankful that Nino lets him play. He can set his focus on the game, leaving no room for his mind to think about anything else. He doesn’t need to think about Sho now, not when he’s trying to beat some ugly-faced bosses in the game.

Five levels and three cans of beer later, well, three for Nino, three and a half for Jun, Jun starts to feel sleepy. He lets out a yawn, and Nino sees that. He chuckles. “Go to sleep if you have to, Jun. You need it.”

“I can sleep here on the sofa,” Jun replies, still holding the game’s controller on his hand.

Nino snorts. “Don’t be silly. It’s okay. Use my bed. I promise I won’t try to do anything funny.”

At that, Jun laughs. It’s not what he has in mind, and he knows it’s not what Nino thinks too. He must have been trying to lighten up the mood by saying that, and Jun knows. Then he gives up. “Alright, if you insist.”

“Go. Just don’t do anything funny either, will you? I don’t want to have a memory of my best friend jerking off on my bed.”

Jun laughs louder. He loves Nino’s way of cheering him up without having to touch the subject of his real problem. Nino is always like that with everyone and Jun respects that the most about him.

Jun stands up and takes all the empty beer cans with him, bringing it to the kitchen to dispose of them. Nino nods his thanks at that, then reminds Jun to take his duffel bag with him. Saying that he also doesn’t want to see his best friend going out of his bed naked because he forgot to bring his clothes with him.

That makes Jun smack Nino’s back of the head, and then the two of them laugh. Jun takes his duffel bag with him, and walks to Nino’s room to get some sleep.

Probably things will feel better later in the morning. Probably Jun will wake up and suddenly feel that he’s ready to welcome Sho wholly inside his life. Jun shrugs at the unlikeliness of his own thought, but then again, everything has happened with incredible speed recently, and who knows.

Who knows if all Jun needs to settle his thought is just one night of good night sleep.

\---

Jun spends the rest of the weekend at Nino’s place. Nino doesn’t mind about it, doesn’t try to prod Jun into telling him what’s going on, and it makes Jun thankful. He knows he can’t stay in Nino’s place forever, though, so he will go back to his place later tonight.

He has to work tomorrow, and Nino does, too, and he doesn’t want to bother Nino by being there. Besides, he needs to go back, his house can use some cleaning after he left it in haste this early morning.

Sho will be there, though, they will just be separated by a wall, and it makes Jun’s stomach twists uncomfortably. If Jun is careful enough, he can avoid seeing Sho on their doors in the morning and afternoon. But Jun can’t make sure that Sho won’t play his music when Jun’s back.

And Sho has explained that he plays the music to try to hide the noises he makes when he’s dealing with his… victim.

That is definitely more than just uncomfortable for Jun.

“Are you sure you’ll be okay going back to your place?” Nino’s voice breaks Jun out of his daydreaming. He comes out of his room, looking fresh because he just showered, toweling his hair as he looks at Jun with concern.

“Why do you think so?” Jun throws a look at him.

Nino shrugs, “Well. You came here. Doesn’t it mean it’s because you don’t want to sleep at your place because of a reason I have no idea what? Not that I want to know about anything, it’s fine.”

Jun sighs and walks to the kitchen to take a can of beer. He doesn’t say anything as he does so, and neither does Nino, who is already sitting on the sofa when Jun returns from the kitchen. Jun plops himself beside Nino, watching as his friend switches between channels on his TV.

“Well, Sho-kun and I are in a weird position right now,” Jun admits, sipping his beer, “He’s—it’s all happening so fast, I think. Don’t you think so?” Jun tilts his head to look at Nino. Nino snorts, making Jun frown. “It hasn’t even been a month since I moved into the building.”

“Well, Jun.” Nino looks at him, “Hey is that my beer? Why are you keep taking my beer?”

Jun gives Nino a look. “Technically, I bought them for you last night,” Jun raises his can and has another sip as Nino watches him.

“And that makes it mine, so you can’t just take it whenever you like it,” Nino takes the can from Jun and gulps down, “Aaah, this is good. Well if you keep bringing me that then I guess it’s fair when you take some.”

Jun raises his brow, “Really, Nino? After all of this, me crashing at your place with as much as one LINE message thirty minutes before I did, your complaint is me chugging on your beer, which I bought for you?”

Nino laughs at that, his face already returned to the TV screen. It’s on a news program right now. There’s not a lot of choices, after all, it’s six in the evening on a Sunday.

“Well, Jun, if that’s so, in exchange for you crashing at my place as you liked yesterday, can I say something about this whole thing with you and your neighbor?” Nino shifts his head to look at Jun.

It catches Jun by surprise. He doesn’t expect Nino to actually have anything to say about it. “Oh? Well then shoot.”

Nino takes a deep breath. “The thing is, I’ve been talking with Aiba about you and your new boyfriend.”

Jun cringes at the word boyfriend, Sho’s confession from the previous night still fresh in his memory.

“We noticed that too, Jun, that it’s something that’s too fast for you. I mean, I know you. We needed, what? Five dates? Before we started sleeping together?” Nino pauses. “Wait I need beer too if we’re going to talk about this.”

Jun leans back on the sofa, the can of beer in his hand. He watches Nino’s living room’s ceiling as he waits for Nino to return. So it’s not just him. His friends have also noticed that he has been moving so fast with Sho.

Not my fault, he thinks angrily. Sho was the one who started to seduce him, even though he had another agenda at that time. Jun sighs. Probably it was one of his reasons why he can’t open himself up to Sho. He’s not sure if he can trust Sho after the amount of things that man didn’t say to him.

But Sho had looked genuine when he told Jun that he won’t let anyone hurt Jun. Will it be okay to start trusting him after that?

“And after that five dates,” Nino’s voice brings Jun back to the present. “You didn’t let me inside your apartment. And I kept wondering what is wrong with this guy, haven’t we been friends for some time before we even started dating.”

Nino sips his beer and sits back down on the sofa. “Then I realized that you like to do this,” Nino makes a circle in the air with his hand, “relationship thingy with your own pace. That you don’t like anyone intruding into your personal space if it’s not you letting him. So I just let you do as you please.”

“But this guy, Jun, you let this guy into your place, even invited him on a house date, not long after you saw him for the first time. Aiba and I talked about it, and we thought, ah, Jun must like this guy so much for him to did so. Because I told Aiba about us too back then, so he understands.”

Jun snorts into his can. “What in the world do you not tell Aiba?”

Nino raises a brow, seems to be thinking. “Well whatever it is, I won’t tell you,” Nino says after a moment.

Jun laughs. “I might have guessed that.”

Nino shrugs, “Can I continue with this you and your neighbor thing?”

Jun nods his reply before he remembers something. “Actually, it wasn’t a date, because I just invited him to have dinner. And I was the new neighbor, so I was just trying to be a decent person.”

“Jun,” Nino replies, his can of beer put down on the table. “Be honest with me. If I was the one living there beside your house, when we started to decide to date each other, would you have invited me in?”

The reason Jun can’t let Nino inside his house when they’re dating was because he can’t let Nino sees his movie collection. He knew that the tall rack beside his TV would be the first thing that piques Nino’s interest. It wasn’t a fair comparison because, with Sho, he didn’t know about it beforehand.

So Jun decides to reply Nino as such. “It isn’t a fair comparison.”

“Really?” Nino gives him a look that he usually does when Jun doesn’t want to admit his feelings. Jun doesn’t understand why Nino gives him that look now when he knows he’s not avoiding anything.

His problem with Sho is that he doesn’t want to open up to him because he doesn’t know if Sho will be the right person for him to do so. He’s not avoiding _anything_ at the moment, he’s _not_ being denial.

Seeing that Jun isn’t going to give his answer, Nino sighs. “Okay, then, let’s put it another way.”

“Do you remember the times before you started interacting with that neighbor of yours, Jun?” Nino’s gaze on Jun intensifies this time, piercing through Jun’s eyes. Jun can almost feel the sharpness hurting in his eyes.

Jun tries to recall the times before he moved into his new place, before he met Sho, before he invited him to dinner. There’s nothing he can remember aside from the fact that he just lived his normal life at that time, catering to his need by watching something from his movie collection every so often and tuning in to criminal news whenever he can.

“Yes. And everything was normal back then? I go on and about my life just like how I usually do?” Jun looks at Nino, returning Nino’s piercing stare with a sharp ‘what are you implying’ glare.

“Precisely,” Nino nods, his gaze softens a bit. “You changed a lot ever since you’re involved with him. I don’t know if it’s because of the sex, or if it’s because what you guys are talking about, because according to you, all you guys talked about are your jobs.”

“Ever since you’ve become involved with him, you’ve been happy, Jun. Aiba said he doesn’t have to worry about accidentally upsetting you at work because you seem to stop fussing over the small things.”

Jun looks at Nino with the same intensity. He still doesn’t get what Nino is trying to say. What is he being happy supposed to do with anything? Is this about his anger problem again?

Nino sees the look on Jun’s eyes, and he sighs. “Don’t you get it? You let him in, and then you’re happier than we’ve ever seen you for years. Probably things are moving so fast because that’s how it’s supposed to be and you’re worrying about nothing.”

Jun’s eyes grow wider. He never thought about it that way. Sho’s presence in his life makes him happier, that is true. But other than that, he never thinks about it that way. All he knows is things are moving faster than how he prefers and it bothers him a lot.

Jun’s expression is apparently enough for Nino. He smiles fondly at Jun in return. “We’ve known you for long enough to know that this one is not the same as the others, Jun. Not even I could make you as happy as Sakurai had made you. Aiba and I agreed that it’s what matters.”

Jun’s eyebrows quirk up at Nino’s last sentence. “Wait, you and Aiba agreed on what?”

Nino chuckles, the soft laugh that always makes Jun happy to hear. “We’re worried about you. You just moved into that building, and we haven’t even had a chance for a surprise housewarming party—Aiba’s idea, not mine—and you already complained about your neighbor. But then the next thing we know you’re inviting this noisy neighbor into your house, and you even cooked him dinner.”

“The speed makes us worried more than it makes you, Jun. But then Aiba pointed out that you’re happier than you have ever been, and then we agreed that probably, for once, Jun-kun finally doesn’t fuck things up,” Nino pauses, his brows knitted, “Well you definitely fucked that guy, but I don’t need to know about that.”

Jun rolls his eyes and smacks Nino’s head. But he’s smiling, and Nino laughs as he receives Jun’s blow.

“So.. I don’t know what you’ve been thinking, Jun,” Nino stands up all of a sudden, “But I think, from the way you have been since you got here last night, I’d say it’s okay to take that leap of faith.”

Nino walks to the kitchen, probably to dispose of the empty can and takes a new one from the fridge. Jun looks at his back the entire time. Was he that transparent? How can Nino know that he’s thinking about making a big decision that he’s not sure about?

But then again it’s Nino. He literally just gave Jun a long talk about how he had looked like for a couple of weeks. Of course it’s apparent for Nino that Jun is trying to make a big decision. Big enough that it scares him.

A decision that he has to make as soon as he can before it’s too late, it seems.

His best friends didn’t know about the whole new fact about Sho and what implications it might bring. But they didn’t lie about Jun being happier than ever because Jun felt it himself too. He still doesn’t know how Sho’s going to react, but probably this one will worth the shot.

Jun stands up as he sees Nino returning from the kitchen with a new can of beer. “I need to go.”

Nino’s face lightens up at that. He nods and cheers to Jun with his can of beer. “Take care.”

It’s not just a ‘take care on your way home’, Jun knows, it’s ‘take care of everything properly’, and so he nods as a reply, meaning it. He doesn’t waste more time and quickly gets going.

He just hopes, dearly in his heart, that he’s doing the right thing.

\---

It’s almost nine p.m. when Jun finally reaches his building. He has been weighing his options on the way from Nino’s place, about how he will come clean to Sho about everything, and he decides that it’s best to just let Sho see. A couple of minutes and some steps of stairs later, he finds himself in front of Sho’s door.

Jun takes a deep breath before raising his hand to knock on Sho’s door. He hesitates a bit when his hand is inches away from the door, but then he wills himself. The knock Jun lands on the door is a bit soft, so he repeats it again in case Sho didn’t hear the first one.

There’s Sho’s voice answering him from inside, telling him to wait a moment, and so Jun waits. He takes deep breaths to try and calm himself, and on the fourth inhale, the door opens.

Sho looks at him with his mouth forming an ‘o’. He looks nothing but surprised to see Jun in front of his door. Jun watches silently as Sho tries to collect himself.

“Yes?” is what leaves Sho’s mouth after Jun watches Sho’s lips move in different forms of syllables, obviously trying to get some words out but failing. It’s cute, Jun thinks. Very like Sho.

“Are you busy right now?” Jun knows that if he doesn’t get to things straight up, he’ll lose his will completely so he doesn’t hesitate. “Can you come with me?”

The face in front of him quirks up. Sho looks surprised, and had the situation been different, Jun would have leaned in to kiss him.

But that will have to wait. Jun has something else more important to do before he can think about kissing Sho’s face again, and if things go as well as he planned it, he would have more than enough time in the world to kiss Sho however he wants.

So yeah, kissing Sho will have to wait. Jun raises his eyebrows at Sho to try getting another response other than a surprised face from him.

“Ah, sure. Okay. I have nothing to do right now, no,” Sho looks around his apartment a bit after that, like he’s unsure of what he just said.

“Okay. Great,” Jun replies, and he then moves aside to his door to open it.

Beside him, Sho closes his door, locking it. The view is quite comical to be watched, but the tense air between them makes nothing seem funny for the both of them.

When Jun has opened his door, he invites Sho in and tells him to close the door behind him. Jun then walks inside to put his duffel bag in his living room. When he turns to see Sho, he’s standing still in the doorway, like he’s unsure what to do.

“Get inside, Sho-san,” Jun calls him. “Please have a seat,” he says, gesturing to the sofa.

Sho walks inside, then sits on the couch. Jun tells him to wait a moment while he gets the both of them some drinks. He asks Sho what he wants—just water is fine—and walks to the kitchen to get two bottles of water.

Jun returns to his living room with a sight of Sho looking so interested in his movie collection. As expected, Jun thinks. Of course that would pique Sho’s interest.

Probably Sho hears Jun’s footsteps approaching because he suddenly turns his head back to look at Jun. “I just realized that I have never been in your living room.”

Those words, more than what Nino had said before, more than anything Jun has tried to convince himself with, hit Jun right on the spot. Sho has never been in his living room. Three weeks of knowing each other and Sho has never been here.

He skipped the place where Jun usually has his guests in, heading straight to the dining room every time. That is why Jun never worries about inviting Sho inside his house. Because he never got a chance to sit down on his sofa, facing to his beloved movie collection on the side of his TV.

That also means that Sho has somehow skipped a threshold he has for people coming into his life, which explain why things seem to be progressing so fast between them. Sho goes straight to where Jun doesn’t like most people to be in, and Jun knows that he has no problem with it.

Probably Nino was right, Jun brought this all on himself, and there’s no point of stopping now.

Jun sits down beside Sho on his sofa, feeling the shared heat between their bodies. He hands Sho one of the bottles and then proceeds to open the other one for himself. He feels unbelievable thirsty for no certain reason, the water would help him to clear his throat before he says anything to Sho.

Sho follows what he just did, opening his water bottle and drinking quite some amount from it. It seems like he has no intention of filling the stretching silence between them with conversation, unlike so many other time when he did.

It’s Jun’s turn to say anything now, in the context of their current conversation and the state of things when Jun left last night.

Jun takes a deep breath. He has rehearsed the thing over in his head, and it’s finally time to tell Sho everything. Even though it feels so hard to try to do so because there’s a lump in his throat that no drinking can drown it.

“I love watching people being slashed,” Jun says, surprised at how firm his voice has sounded despite his heart beating so hard.

Sho turns his face to look at Jun, his eyes flickering with interest, but he doesn’t say anything.

Jun moves his eyes, locking it at Sho’s stare, and continues. “I always have a problem with my anger. Ever since I was a child. My parents would—,” Jun swallows, “beat me up every time I throw a tantrum, and when they can’t take it anymore, they sent me to a facility.”

Jun knows that his voice is trembling at the end, so he pauses to take a breath. When he does, Sho reaches for his hand and squeeze it. He still doesn’t say anything, just keep his eyes zeroed on Jun’s own.

“It was,” Jun swallows, “horrible in the facility and if anything, I got out angrier than I was before. And then a friend took me to a theater to watch a movie.”

Jun squeezes Sho’s hand back.

“It was coincidental, I didn’t even know what movie he wanted to watch, we just went because it seems to be popular at that time. And that’s when I realize that it’s… fascinating to see people being butchered up in front of my eyes. It had felt so good to watch them… dead.”

Sho takes a breath at that. Jun doesn’t notice that he has been holding it in. Sho looks like he’s going to say something, but Jun catches him to it.

“I want to, Sho, I want to try to feel how it is to kill people with my hand, to have them begging for their life in front of my eyes. But it’s—I could never bring myself to do such a thing.”

“Why couldn’t you?” Sho asks. Jun doesn’t miss the way his voice trembles.

“Watching them is enough for me, I don’t want to try and get my hand dirty without knowing what’s really in it for me. So I have settled on watching movies with the same genre and tuning in to criminal news.”

“Jun, it’s—” Sho looks at him with an intensity Jun has never seen before. Sho smiles and reaches out to caress Jun’s face. It’s automatic for Jun to lean to the touch.

“Why are you telling me all this?” Sho says, almost whispering. His voice shakes like it has taken him so much energy to listen to everything. He looks almost weary, and Jun wonders if it’s actually just a reflection of what he feels.

Because he feels as if he just used up all the energy he previously had, and leaning into Sho’s touch feels like a remedy for his soul.

But he still needs to answer to Sho’s question. “Because you have told me your darkest secret, and so I want to tell you mine too. Even though, compared to what you have, mine is just a child play.”

“It’s not a competition,” Sho shakes his head, his voice still raspy and trembling. But his hand holding Jun’s face doesn’t falter, and his stare to Jun’s eyes is searching for something.

Jun nods. “It’s not. But I want to be honest with you if you’re honest with me because that’s how a relationship should be, Sho-san. And if that means telling you that I’m a freak with anger issues who copes by watching criminal movies and news, then so be it.”

“Are you saying that you don’t mind me being a murderer, Jun?” Sho pulls his hand from Jun’s hand, and now taking Jun’s hands to hold with his.

“I want to be with you more now that I know you’re a murderer, Sho-san,” Jun grips Sho’s hands tight, “You heard what I said. I _want_ to be part of that life of yours. I can help you with your murders, I can give you ideas. I have so many of them. That’s what you got when you spent the better part of your life watching people being killed.”

There, finally, Jun says the last and most important part of what he wants to say tonight. He watches, warily, as Sho look at him with his eyes big, like he can’t believe what he just heard.

“Jun,” Sho grips tighter on Jun’s hand. “Have you thought this through?”

The question takes Jun aback. He has thought through about how he feels about Sho, how Sho might handle his confession, he has even prepared himself for rejection.

But to think through of the consequences to live with a murderer and helping him doing murder, Jun hasn’t really done it.

And seems like Sho can see that one, because then he pulls his hands.

“We can’t—we can’t just jump into things like this, Jun,” Sho looks at him, stern and unwavering. “Being in a relationship is one thing, but actually letting you inside that part of my life isn’t something I have considered.”

“But you said you’ll protect me of whatever will happen,” Jun shakes his head, feeling his fear starting to take form before his eyes. Sho is going to leave him, too, and Jun is going to try his hardest to stop him.

Sho nods, “I did. But that’s because I assume you wouldn’t want to be a part of this—my life. I didn’t say that to invite you into my life.”

Jun drops his head, blinking to stop the tears that come to his eyes. Not this again. Not someone leaving again. Not Sho leaving. After all the things they’ve been through…

“Jun,” Sho whispers, lifting Jun’s face up by the chin. “I’m not leaving you,” he moves closer to pull Jun into his hug.

Jun doesn’t realize that his body is trembling until he feels Sho’s body around him, holding him tight.

“I’m not leaving you,” Sho repeats, whispering to his ear, and Jun starts to feel his body relaxing as Sho repeats the words over and over.

When Jun’s body completely stops trembling, Sho pulls away from the hug. He puts a hand on Jun’s cheek, caressing, then moves closer.

They kiss, one so gentle and warm that makes Jun melt into it. Sho’s hold on him is firm as he tells his feelings through the kiss. Jun can feel it all. Sho’s fear, Sho’s insecurity, Sho’s worry about Jun’s safety.

So Jun returns the kiss with what he feels. How he trust Sho, how Sho makes him happy, how he wants to be with Sho and not with anyone else.

Because out of anyone else, he thinks that Sho might actually be the person who can right what is wrong in him, and Jun doesn’t want to let go of something as precious as that.

They pull apart after a long while, and when Jun sees the look on Sho’s eyes, he can guess what Sho will say after that. It terrifies him to no end because he knows that look too well, has seen it too many times.

When Sho opens his mouth to talk, Jun hopes that his nightmare won’t happen.

But like all his other wishes, this one doesn’t come true either.

“Please give me some time to think about this more thoroughly,” Sho says, and at Jun’s terrified look, he closes his eyes in frustration.

“Can’t we think that through together?” Jun’s voice came out croaking, revealing how terrified he is, and Sho’s face winces at that.

“We will think it through together, Jun,” Sho replies, squeezing Jun’s hands with his. “But I need some time alone first. I promise you I won’t need too long.”

Jun opens his mouth to reply, but Sho is faster. “I promise I won’t leave you, Jun. I just need a time for myself before I can be sure of us doing this.”

Jun closes his eyes, and he doesn’t dare to look at Sho as he asks, “How can you not leave me later if you’re not sure yet about us doing this?”

“I can’t answer that right now,” Jun hears Sho replies, he still doesn’t want to open his eyes, “But I promise I won’t leave you.”

Keeping his eyes closed, Jun feels it as Sho stands up in front of him, then pressing his kiss to Jun’s forehead. Jun sighs, feeling Sho warm against him, and wishing that it will not be the last time.

Sho whispers, “I promise I won’t leave you,” for one last time, before Jun hears him walk away.

When Jun opens his eyes later, he doesn’t see Sho. It’s over, he thinks. Sho will definitely leave him. That fact doesn’t really come as surprising for Jun, seeing as that is what’s expected from anyone to whom Jun tells his secret.

But Jun isn’t going to lie that it hurts him more than just a little.

\---


	5. Chapter 5

Three days have gone by without Sho sending him a message or knocking on his door, and Jun has started to lose hope of the current situation. Not that he has any in the beginning, but he wants to trust Sho’s promise to come back to him.

But after all, even a murderer can’t understand, can’t accept him for what he is, and it devastates him.

Jun doesn’t try to go and start a conversation with Sho. They live beside each other, but Jun wants to respect Sho’s thinking time by not randomly knocking on his door, or waiting for him to get out of the house so they would meet.

Instead, Jun does his business as how he usually does, even though he can’t resist himself from staring at Sho’s door for a while before leaving the house.

He misses Sho, but if Sho decides that he doesn’t want to be with him, there is nothing he can do but respect that.

Aiba and Nino hadn’t said a word ever since they saw Jun scowling when Aiba did as much as offering him coffee. They have been with Jun for too long to understand what’s going on without having to ask a word.

Jun is thankful because his friends are so understanding; at least he doesn’t have to go through the details of why Sho left him. Because he can’t, doesn’t want to explain about the nature of themselves to other people.

And because it still stings every time he remembers Sho.

Probably he should plan to move out, Jun thinks. It’s going to be a good thing to do; he wouldn’t have to share a building with the man who reminds him of his suffering.

Jun makes a mental note to look up for new housing options. It’s not something he wants to do because he likes his new place. But that’s where Sho lives, and Jun doesn’t want to be reminded of something that has been so close to him and slipped away just as fast whenever he opens his eyes in the morning.

It’s only three days, but Jun thinks that he doesn’t need to wait for more. He had seen it when he first looked at Sho’s eyes after his confession. Sho had doubt, and it’s most probably because he doesn’t want to be involved with Jun now, knowing how he actually is.

The apartment building has been looking as quiet as it’s usually been. Jun sighs as he gets in through the door. It has been another rough day for Jun; he has snapped to at least five people before the lunch break and three after.

And if it’s not for Aiba literally holding him back, Jun would have thrown his computer to the floor.

When Jun almost reaches his floor, barely can see the hallway, he sees a pair of feet in front of Sho’s door. It must be Sho. Jun stops in his track, can’t decide to go faster so he can greet Sho out of courtesy or if he has to wait until Sho disappears behind his door.

In the end, Jun continues his pace, going one step at a time on the stair. His heart beats faster as he reaches the end.

Sho must have heard his steps because then he turns his face to look at Jun. Jun hasn’t expected it, so he freezes, his face doesn’t show any expression.

Then Sho pulls his lips to a smile, and it breaks Jun so much to see it; Sho doesn’t smile like how he usually does. He puts on a forced smile. Jun can see it, know it when people force a smile for him, and know that Sho is doing exactly that makes Jun want to cry.

Until Sho finally disappears inside, Jun can’t move from where he’s standing. When there’s no Sho anymore on the hallway, Jun still can’t move. He really doesn’t want to go inside his house right now, knowing that Sho will be just next door.

Knowing that even with that situation Sho still chooses to distant himself from Jun is too much for Jun to take in.

\---

Thursday has been horrible for Jun. Because of the tense he’s keeping inside himself since he saw Sho smiling bitterly at him. He didn’t go to watch something to let his emotion go because that will only remind him of what makes his relationship with Sho crumble and it will only worsen his mood.

With his mood foul and there’s no way of channeling that out, Jun becomes like a landmine for everyone around him. One false step will result on Jun blowing up in their face; another one will bring them to the brink of death.

It’s about two in the afternoon when Jun gets called into his manager’s office. Yamaguchi-san is a chill man, usually, but when someone messes up, he won’t hesitate to tell them right to their face.

And that’s the treatment that Jun receives.

There have already been too many complaints from his coworker about his intolerable behavior, and Yamaguchi-san tells him to go home early today to sort himself together. He’s also forced to take the next day off, seeing as tomorrow is Friday already and it’s the weekend after that.

Yamaguchi-san only requests that Jun come back to the office on Monday without a frown on his face.

It upsets Jun more than he thought. Jun is a person who always tries to be professional at doing his job, and doesn’t let his personal issues taking control with how he does it.

But he also has some anger issues that need to be resolved, which he can usually channel in something else. The fact that he can’t upsets Jun even more.

“Probably you need to see a therapist, Matsumoto,” Yamaguchi-san suggests him after he’s done with his talk about letting Jun stay at home for the rest of the week. “They might know a better way to deal with that.”

Jun’s eyes go dark at the mention of a therapist. He hates that profession with all his heart. The experience he had in the past was so terrible that he can’t even deal with it being mentioned again.

He didn’t tell Sho about it before, but being beaten up by a strange-looking man with a white coat isn’t supposed to help him deal with his anger management, is it?

Until now, Jun has no idea who the owner the knife he kept under his pillow since he found it is. But he’s so thankful because, without that, he might haven’t gotten out of the facility alive.

Jun knows he isn’t supposed to assume every therapist in Japan to be all the same, but he doesn’t want to try and fail again. He has neither the time nor the money to deal with something that’s supposed to make him better, but on the contrary, makes him worse instead.

He just needs some time to get back to his feet after Sho left him, that’s all. And he supposes he has to do it within the next weekend, or he might put his job in a dangerous position.

So he excuses himself out of Yamaguchi-san’s office, giving his boss a word of assurance that he will try his best to be back on Monday sound and composed. He walks to his desk to gather his belongings before waving to Aiba, letting his friend knows that he’s going to go home.

Aiba might have known it since he got called to Yamaguchi-san’s office. For all Jun knows, Aiba might be one of the people who filed the complaint.

Jun sighs. Now he doesn’t know what to do once he gets home. Perhaps cooking can help him sort his mind. He makes a mental note to stop by a supermarket on his way home.

No other person will eat the food but himself, but that shouldn’t be a reason for him not to do it because that’s how it’s used to be for him anyway.

Jun tries to look for activities that he can do to fill his Friday on his way home, and then he remembers that he has to find another place to move to. It might be premature, but if he’s not going to be in a relationship with Sho, he doesn’t think he can’t live in that place anymore.

Besides, it doesn’t sound like a good idea to live next door to a murderer who had admitted that he had ever had the intention to kill Jun.

\---

On Friday morning, an email notification wakes Jun up. Jun gets his phone lazily, only opens one of his eyes to check who’s emailing him so early in the morning.

When he reads the sender of the email, he jolts and sits up on his bed. The email is from Sho.

Jun reads the email once, twice, three times. He makes sure that it isn’t Sho being a coward and deciding to end their relationship officially via email.

It isn’t about that, thankfully. Sho just emails him to ask if he’s going to be home later tonight. Sho wants to meet him, he said in the email, and wonders if tonight will be a right time for Jun.

Just like the other time when Sho asked Jun out for their first date, Sho didn’t put too many details in the email. He just mentioned that if Jun is okay with that, Sho is going to come to Jun’s place. And if it’s okay, Sho will bring food for the both of them.

There are too many thoughts running inside Jun’s mind when he reads the email. What could it possibly be about? Sho wants to talk with him. Has he finally decided that they can’t be involved anymore? Does he want to meet Jun to tell him about that?

Is this really the end that is going to come to him?

Jun takes a deep breath and puts his phone back on the top of the drawer, facing down. He doesn’t want to answer it. Not now. It will become real if he does, and he doesn’t want it.

If Sho is going to end things tonight, he has to be ready first. He wants to make sure that he will be at least able to collect himself after what Sho is going to tell him.

After countless times of rolling on his bed, trying to get back to sleep but failing, Jun grunts and takes his phone. He composes a short agreement on the arrangement and sends it before he can think twice about it.

The reply comes almost instantly; Jun hasn’t even put his phone down.

From: sakurai.sho@gmail.com  
To: matsumoto_jun830@i.softbank.jp  
Subject: Re: Are you free tonight?  
Oh, great then! I’m looking forward to tonight, Jun.

Sho

\---

The rest of the day feels like forever for Jun. He has decided to stay home and prepare himself for what might come later instead of going outside. After making himself breakfast, Jun eats his breakfast while watching the news on TV.

It distracts him a bit to watch the latest information about the what is currently happening in the country.

But then a crime news section starts, and Jun gets excited a little before he remembers about Sho. Sighing, he switches off his TV with the remote control. It seems like there will be no way to distract himself from Sho.

He goes for a shower after breakfast, and after getting out all freshened up and relaxed, he decides to go outside. Probably grabbing coffee outside and sitting in a coffee shop alone will help him get his mind off of Sho. The thought of being alone fills him with dread, but at least he will have coffee.

Probably it will be nice to have lunch outside too.

Jun goes to a fancy looking coffee shop near the building. He has never been there before. Given the fact that he just moved here some weeks ago, and then constantly being occupied by work—and Sho—he hasn’t gotten much time to look around the neighborhood.

When Jun gets his coffee order—a latte with extra espresso shot—he turns around to find a face of an old friend. It’s Oguri Shun, his childhood best friend that he hasn’t met for years since they went to different colleges.

Shun looks so happy to see him, he grins so wide like he used to do when they’re small kids playing together on the neighborhood’s playground. He looks much better than when he was young, though. His face gives a softer vibe, and he sports a short, trendy haircut.

He also keeps some facial hair that suits him well. He doesn’t look old, but he inevitably emits a vibe of maturity.

He looks much better than Jun now, and Jun can still remember all the comparison they’ve done on the love letters they received on February fourteenth one time back when they were high schoolers. How Jun got almost twice of what Shun received, and Jun had laughed at him back then.

Ah… how time has changed. Now if they’re about to have girls writing to Shun and him again, he will be lucky if there’s one letter written for him instead of for Shun.

They take a table for the both of them, and they have a conversation to catch up on things. Shun is an actor and model now. He works for an entertainment agency—not that one owned by Johnny Kitagawa, he insists when Jun asks—and he says himself that he’s pretty big in the entertainment world.

Jokingly, of course, because that’s what they always do even from back then.

Well, there is no doubt in him being a big name, though, Jun can’t deny that. There was one point where everywhere Jun looks, there’s Shun’s face.

It was a phase that was pretty grim in Jun’s life, because his career seems to be moving to nowhere and then there’s the childhood friend he has always been competing with, seeming to be having a very successful career.

That hasn’t changed much, actually, but to have Shun in person in front of him definitely feels much better than seeing his face on billboards. Despite the intimidating impressive look, Shun is still the same person he was back then. Shun still has that tendency of competing with Jun, as he has always had all along, but Jun knows that it’s because Shun cares about Jun a lot.

Because that’s how Jun feels about Shun too.

“Enough about me,” Shun ends his story about his upcoming movie project. He shifts a little on his seat. “How are you holding up?”

To that question, Jun wants to answer ‘I am not’. But he doesn’t say it. It doesn’t feel right to tell a depressing story of his life to an old friend he hasn’t met since forever.

So Jun goes with, “I’m fine, I guess. Life hasn’t been as exciting as yours, like usual.”

Shun laughs at that. “Oh, come on, Jun-kun! I can’t believe that. I know you, you always find something interesting to do. Oh, wait! Is there someone?”

Jun chokes when he hears that question, and it only spurs Shun more. His eyes glint with curiosity as well as amusement.

“No, there isn’t,” Jun replies to Shun. He shoots the glare that he knows is intimidating, but then he remembers that it’s Shun that’s here with him.

Shun is Jun’s first best friend, and everything he does will not really mean anything. Shun knows him since the both of them were small kids, and they’re probably best friends because Shun is the only one dare to keep teasing Jun even though Jun scowls at him.

But Shun is very kind, too. When Jun got out of the facility with bruises on his body, Shun didn’t ask anything about that. They went to play just like usual, and then after that Shun would take Jun to go eating in an expensive place. “My treat,” he’d say.

Shun always shows that he cares, and when Jun asked why he’s staying through Jun’s emotional meltdown and all, he answered simply, “We’re comrades, Jun-kun. Comrades don’t leave each other when they’re in difficulties. They will make their comrade feel better instead.”

Granted, the time in Jun’s life without Shun in it is the time that’s so difficult for him. But it can’t be helped, they have different dreams and aspirations, and Jun is glad that Shun didn’t give up to thrive for them.

Besides, Jun found another person who stood through thick and thin of his college time. Another person who he has stopped meeting because they didn’t go to work in the same company.

“Ah. So you had your heart broken quite recently,” Shun points out. Jun nods and sips his coffee. It’s actually surprising that he can’t really hide his feelings from Shun, even though they haven’t met each other for at least five years.

Shun changes the topic after that, sparing Jun from talking about his broken heart, and Jun feels thankful.

He also doesn’t ask a thing about Jun’s family, means he didn’t forget how Jun feels about his family. Shun is really a good friend, Jun thinks.

Sometimes it passes Jun’s mind that it would probably be really easy for the both of them if they go on and hit it off. Shun is the only person who has stood by Jun through anything, and Jun dares to say that he has done the same for Shun.

But then Jun swats the thought off. It’s impossible for them to do it. Not only because Shun is straight, but because it would be like dating a brother for Jun and it would feel really weird for the both of them.

Their conversation ends when Shun says he has to go back to work, and just then he remembers to ask Jun why he isn’t at work.

“I got dismissed,” Jun says, “I mean, my boss told me to get the day off today because I was having a pretty bad meltdown at work since Monday,” Jun smiles bitterly.

Shun’s expression changes, and then he pulls Jun up to hug him. “I hope everything will get better for you, buddy.”

When they let go, Jun feels lighter. He waves a bit too energetically to Shun. Then he checks his watch and sees that it’s already way past lunch time. Jun decides to get some muffin then, to stuff himself with something for the moment.

He doesn’t really feel hungry anyway, and Sho will bring food later for dinner. Jun doesn’t want that food to go to waste.

It takes Jun a while to get back to the apartment building because he decides to look around the neighborhood while he has the chance. Even though he’s going to leave it not long after this, it’s always nice to look around an area.

When Jun reaches his building, he climbs the stairs calmly. He feels calm after the brief meeting with his old friend, and he even feels calmer after going to see around the place.

But then he reaches his floor. And in the hallway, he sees Sho, bringing boxes of takeouts and a phone on his hand. Jun panics for a moment, and then he checks his phone. Apparently, he has taken too much time strolling around; the clock on his phone says it’s 5 p.m.

Sho stands by his door as Jun calls for him. Sho turns to look at him, surprised.

“Why are you not in your work clothes?” Sho asks.

Jun looks down at what he’s wearing, wondering if it’s that obvious. Then he sees that he’s wearing a v-neck, a pair of sweatpants, and sandals.

Yeah, it’s pretty obvious.

Jun sighs, he goes through the story again of his boss telling him to take a day off today because of reasons while opening the door for Sho. When he turns around to tell Sho to get in, he sees Sho looking at him with guilt in his eyes.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t think—,” he stutters.

“Do you want to get in or not?” Jun cuts him midway. He doesn’t want Sho to look at him that way. If Sho wants to leave, then Jun will let him. But he doesn’t need that look of pity to be thrown at him.

Sho shuffles in his attempt to get in, and Jun has to hold his arm when he almost falls there on Jun’s doorway. Jun sighs and helps Sho by taking the takeout boxes out of his hands and to the dining table. Sho mumbles a thank you for the gesture.

They proceed to eat in silence, the tense filling the air around them. Jun doesn’t want to ask yet about why Sho is here, and it seems like Sho doesn’t want to explain just yet either.

When the both of them finish their food, Jun doesn’t offer Sho desserts. He instead goes to the fridge to take two bottles of water and gives one to Sho. Then he returns to his chair, looking at Sho taking sips of his bottle.

Jun stares at Sho’s Adam’s apple moving up and down as he swallows. He sighs and averts his gaze when he realizes that looking at that isn’t going to help him feel easier about their separation.

“I have been thinking,” Sho says suddenly, and Jun returns his eyes to Sho. He puts his water bottle aside. “Since you told me you wanted to be this part of life with me, I feel like, I’m not so sure about that.”

Jun inhales sharply. Here it goes, he thinks. Here is the part where Sho will pull the trigger and breaks his heart to pieces.

“You said you’re obsessed with crimes and murders, but there’s a lot of difference with watching it and actually be involved in it,” Sho speaks every word like he has been rehearsing it.

Jun hates it. Jun hates how Sho sounds like he has run this over and over in his head, while Jun has no idea, doesn’t know how exactly Sho will say it when he tried to prepare himself for the heartbreak that he will receive.

“So I’ve been thinking, and I think—” Sho scratches the back of his head, seems like he’s trying to get the right words to say to Jun.

Jun holds his breath. This is it.

“I think I should show you how murder is really like in reality before I let you decide if you still want to be with me or not,” Sho completes his sentence in one breath.

Jun closes his eyes. That’s it. Sho has said it. Now he’s going to—wait did Sho just say he will—“What do you mean with that?” Jun snaps his eyes open, blearily looking at Sho.

“I mean,” Sho takes a breath, and Jun finally sees how that affects Sho as much, if not more, as it affects him. “I want you to help me plan the next murder I’m going to do, and I want you to watch it as I do it.”

Jun’s eyes widen in shock. Out of all things he expects, Sho asking for his help on murder isn’t one of those. He can’t believe himself. “Are you,” Jun tries to ask, his voice croaks, “are you serious?”

Sho nods, but then he takes a breath and answers, “Yes.”

“This is—”

“Bizarre, I know. But this is the only way I can make sure that you had meant it, understood the consequences, when you told me that you want this. With me,” Sho replies, eyes piercing to Jun.

Jun tries to breathe normally. So many things are going on in his head. There’s surprise, because what Sho offers isn’t something he expects. There’s a slight anger because Sho made him wait for days and he has been waiting in despair to then receive something that is more exciting than heartbreaking.

But out of everything else, Sho’s last sentence triggers a feeling that’s so strong, it overcomes all other feelings Jun has.

A painful sting to his heart, knowing that Sho doesn’t trust him enough when he said he’s willing to accept Sho as he is. That Sho has to go and take this measure only to make sure that Jun is ready to be in Sho’s life.

Well if that is what Sho wants, then Jun will take it as a challenge. He knows he wants to be with Sho, and the days he spent mourning over the fear of losing him only proves it more.

If Sho wants Jun to plan a murder for him, then so that’s what Jun will do.

Jun tells Sho as such, and Sho had reluctantly agreed when Jun said that they should move to Sho’s place to plan things better. Everything they need is in Sho’s place, after all.

\---

It takes them a moment to get everything ready, but they are now. Jun and Sho have spent the whole night last night planning and talking about what they’re going to do. Jun hasn’t backed down once, and he could see Sho being a little bit uncomfortable with that.

But he could also sense that Sho is thrilled that he is so ready to jump and help Sho when all Sho did was ask once.

Jun could feel his excitement hitting the top mark when they’re done with their planning. Sho had invited him to stay in his place last night because they’re going to spend the next day together anyway, and Jun had agreed.

That night, though, they didn’t have sex. Jun had initially taken the far side of the bed, didn’t want to intrude on Sho’s space of the bed. They hadn’t exactly made it clear about where their relationship really stands on, after all.

But then Sho patted his shoulder and pulled him to face Sho on the bed, and he didn’t say a word when Sho pulled him to a hug. That close, Jun could feel Sho’s heart beating fast, and he dared himself to assume that Sho was excited for what’s about to come.

The morning after, Jun woke up to an empty bed, and almost freaked out, thinking that Sho had left, but then Sho got into the bedroom bringing two cups of coffee, and Jun felt relieved beyond belief.

Jun felt elated that the night before was real and wasn’t just a fragment of Jun’s imagination.

They’re heading to a bar now, seeing from Sho’s investigation that their target—Jun still shivers every time he refers to that person as such in his head—goes to that place often on Saturday nights. Jun had asked Sho to probably make an appointment first, but Sho outright refused.

Sho said that he had never made an appointment with any of his targets, to make sure that there’s no evidence that they even knew each other. He assured Jun that meeting him by chance was the best way for them to meet him.

So Jun had agreed, and that’s how they decided to go to the bar.

Sho’s investigation has been proven to be useful. Thirty minutes after they arrived at the place, they spot their target getting in. Sho then goes to greet him as how they have planned it; Sho is going to try to sweet talk the man to take him home, and Jun will be a neighbor who’s just there for a ride.

Initially, Jun had wanted to come out as a couple, but then Sho said that it’s harder to take someone home with a promise of a threesome. But then Jun still needed to be there because Sho wanted him to watch, so that was how the arrangement was decided.

Jun watches from his place as Sho talks to their target, and he’s only half impressed that Sho can make the guy laugh after only five minutes of conversation. Sho has that skill, after all. Jun will never doubt Sho on making people laugh and feel comfortable around him.

Because, well, the first time they talked, Sho had used it on him, too. And it was with the same intention; Jun recalled Sho’s confession on wanting to kill him before.

From where he is sitting, Jun can see Sho scooting closer to their victim as he giving a sign to the bartender for another drink. Sho is so good in this, Jun thinks. If he had met Sho in a bar, he wouldn’t even think twice to let that man bring him home so he can fuck him.

After the third drink, the guy they’re targeting seems to be relaxed. When Sho whispers in his ear, he replies with a whisper to Sho’s ear too. Sho now has his stool so close to the man that he’s practically straddling him

Not five minute later, Sho puts his hand on the man’s small of the back. Jun feels a pang of jealousy with that gesture, but there’s also a wave of pleasure inside him knowing that their target has been trapped, with the way he doesn’t even flinch.

Jun sees Sho nosing the target’s neck, and that’s the breaking point. If the man doesn’t move away, that’s time for them to bring this home.

Their target tilts his head to give Sho more access to his neck. Gotcha. Jun finishes the rest of his drink as he waits for Sho to come back with their target.

Jun doesn’t have to wait long because as soon as he puts down his glass, Sho is there, standing behind him.

“So, um—I’m going to head home right now, are you coming or are you taking the train?” Sho asks Jun, the line they have thought together the night before.

Jun giggles, pretending to be drunk. “You found someone eh? You want to ditch your unfortunate neighbor now?”

“Sorry, I think he’s drunk,” Sho says to their target, “I hope you don’t mind he’s riding with us? I can’t really leave him here. He just had a bad breakup and I don’t know what kind of trouble he can cause if I leave him.”

Jun lifts his empty glass to them.

“Well, as long as we don’t have to drag him along and he won’t crash on your place,” their target answers.

“Can you walk by yourself?” Sho asks Jun.

Jun stands up, fumbling a bit to feign dizziness, and then he giggles again. “‘Think I can.”

Sho looks at their target, his hand still on the small of his back, waiting. Then their target nods and they march together to Sho’s car.

The drive home is mostly quiet, save for the music playing in the background. Sho has turned the radio on when they left the club, Jun has no idea what music it is, though. Jun spends his time scrolling on the criminal news on his phone, giggling every now and then to give the impression that he’s really drunk.

Once they arrive at the building, Jun thanks Sho for the ride and walks before them to his place. The plan was Jun to go back to his place and Sho to his with the target. Then Sho will give their target a drink with sedatives to knock him out, and he will let Jun know when the man has passed out.

And then Jun would go to Sho’s place, and the fun will start.

So Jun closes his door and sits on his sofa, tapping his feet on the floor impatiently as he waits for Sho’s message. They have shared their LINE contact. Jun finds emails to be a bit too troublesome, and when he told Sho, Sho had agreed.

Then why hasn’t that guy used other means to talk to him at the first place, Jun doesn’t know. When he asked, Sho only laughed, and as usual, Jun found that laugh cute and was unable to protest more.

After about ten minutes without any notification on his phone, Jun starts to feel anxious. He takes his phone and open his news app and starts scrolling again. There is nothing interesting there, though.

Three pages of news later, there’s finally a notification received on Jun’s phone. A short ‘he’s out’ from Sho. Jun quickly gets out of his house, and when he does, he sees Sho peeking his head from his door like the last time.

Jun smiles at that sight. He locks the door, and he kisses Sho before he gets in just because he feels like it. He watches as Sho’s eyes blown in surprise.

“Sorry. You’re too cute. I can’t resist,” Jun explains before excusing himself inside Sho’s place, and he hears Sho locking the door behind them.

“He’s in the bedroom,” Sho tells Jun, ushering him to go first as he moves to the speaker set.

When Jun arrives at the bedroom, he sees their target lying limp on the floor. His heart beats faster. This is going to be the first real murder he’s involved in, and he feels adrenaline pumping in his veins already. It feels surreal, and he can’t wait until they get into action.

A moment later, loud music blasts in the apartment, and for the first time, Jun feels excited to hear that. This is it, he thinks. He’s been waiting for this moment to come to his life, and this is it.

Jun feels a hand on his waist, and he jumps. Then he hears Sho laughing beside him.

“I’ve told you I don’t like it,” Jun scowls.

“Sorry,” Sho grins then leans closer to kiss Jun briefly, tugging on Jun’s bottom lip when he lets go.

“How is he not waking up with all the noise?”

Sho shrugs at that question. “Because of my charm?”

Jun hits Sho’s arm at that answer. “I’m serious.”

Sho smirks. “Well if I add just a little bit more to the sedatives I gave him, he would have died already.”

“Do you always do that?” Jun asks, eyes glinting with curiosity and excitement combined. There is one thing he finds impressive about the fact that Sho can just use the sedatives to kill his targets, but he chooses something else instead.

Jun had asked the night before when they planned the murder, why wouldn’t Sho just use sedatives to kill the person he wants to kill. Sho has answered with a question back to Jun, ‘where’s the fun in that?’ and Jun has shrugged at that answer. He thought Sho just isn’t interested in playing on the dosage of the drugs he used.

But it turns out that Sho likes to play with it. The fact that he knows where exactly to stop putting more of the drugs in shows how knowledgeable he is about that. The fact that he doesn’t use the knowledge to just go straight to killing the person is what fascinates Jun.

It means Sho likes the process of murdering itself. And however twisted it sounds, Jun finds it very sexy.

With that in mind, Jun leans back to Sho to kiss him. It stays longer than a brief kiss, and Jun takes the chance to trap Sho’s lower lip with his teeth. He chews on it for a moment and relishes in the feeling of Sho’s moaning to the kiss.

Sho pulls away first, breaking the kiss. “As much as I would like to take that to something more, I believe we still have something else to do,” he points at the body lying on the ground.

Jun chuckles. Sho is a serious person. Not only his mail is serious, but he’s also serious in doing his job—Jun concludes it from how Sho talks about it—apparently, murdering job included.

So Jun pulls himself away from Sho’s hand on his waist. “Then go on, Sakurai-san.”

They talked about who will get to do the murdering, and both have agreed that Sho should be the one to do it. Jun will be watching from a close distance, but that’s all he’s allowed to do. Everything on the planning is up to Jun, but once they get to the real murder, it’s Sho’s stage.

Jun has thought about the various ways of killing last night. He has been watching gore movies for half of his life, he knows what he likes the most, wants to see the most. That has been hanging people by their foot while they’re bleeding, waiting for them to die from the blood loss.

But that is too intricate to do for a first murder—he doesn’t even know if Sho would have been okay with it—so he didn’t go through with it. Jun also remembered that Sho mentioned about killing his victim with a gun, so Jun guesses that Sho might like it simple. He stirred away from anything sophisticated when he chose the method last night.

In the end, he went with the most basic way to kill their first target together.

Jun watches as Sho strips off his shirt and throws it to the corner of the room. Shirtless, Sho starts to stretch his muscles. He pulls his arms up, and from where Jun stands, he can see the muscles of Sho’s back contracting.

Sho’s skin looks so smooth from where Jun is standing, but that doesn’t cover how Sho’s back muscles harden as Sho does his stretching. Jun traces the bumps and the curves with his eyes, imagining how dense it must feel if he touches it with his hand.

When Sho puts his hands down and his back muscles relaxing, Jun exhales. He doesn’t realize that he’s been holding his breath.

Sho turns around to look at Jun, and he doesn’t break his stare at Jun when he pulls up one arm and bends it on the elbow. Jun doesn’t blink when Sho then pulls his elbow with his other arm. Sho’s biceps are mostly hidden by his head, but since it’s flexed so much, Jun still can see how muscular Sho’s upper arm is.

Jun gulps. Probably this isn’t a brilliant idea. He can feel his blood moving south by the sight before his eyes, Sho stretching his arms, showing off. Jun has never thought about it before, but Sho actually has toned arm muscles that Jun would love to feel with his hand.

Last night, when Jun asked about how strong Sho actually is, to try and find out if the method he was thinking can be used, Sho told him that he can lift everything Jun could see inside the room. Jun had laughed at that, thinking that Sho must have been exaggerating, but seeing it now, he regretted that he laughed.

Because Jun can see it in Sho’s face right now, a very bold statement of ‘who is laughing now?’. Sho doesn’t even need to say the words.

Sho is currently spreading his arms open to both sides. Jun can’t help but shift his gaze lower to Sho’s body. He inhales as Sho’s chest is pushed to the front, his pectoral muscles stretched, and exhales as Sho rotates his arms, throwing his shoulders forward.

That way, Jun can see Sho’s deltoids stretching over the usually sloping shoulders.

“Shouldn’t you be… preparing something too while I’m getting ready?” Sho suddenly asks, a smirk plastered on his face.

Jun snaps out his thought. Oh right. How can he forget? Damn Sho and his muscles.

“I’ve prepared them,” Sho adds, moving his chin to point at his bedside drawer.

Jun turns his head aside to look at it, and he sees the things they’re going to use to their target; duct tape, rope, and a tie.

Sho informed him last night that even with the dosage of sedatives he’d be using, there’s a chance that the man will wake up when he feels what is done to his body. The man might be screaming if his conscious returns, so Sho has suggested for them to gag the man while he’s still unconscious. And there’s also the possibility that the man would use his hands and feet to break free, so they have to tie him.

Jun agreed, but with one condition: he will be the one setting the gag and bondage on. Sho said he’s okay with that, and so Jun had enlisted the things he’s going to need to use.

But then Sho stretches his muscles in front of him, and Jun forgets everything else. He grumbles as he walks to the bedside drawer to take everything. He swears he can hear Sho chuckling lightly behind him. That guy must have done the stretching show on purpose.

Show off, Jun thinks, annoyed. At least it was a good show.

Jun moves closer to the unconscious body lying on the ground, the items in his hands. He unfolds the tie, and then balls it. He pulls the guy’s jaw open and stuff it inside. And then he quickly pulls the end of the duct tape to cover the guy’s mouth.

The next thing is to tie his hands and feet. Jun pulls the target’s hands to the back and ties them by the wrist. Then he moves to the target’s feet and does the same to the ankles.

“Done,” Jun turns his head to look at Sho, who has been watching the scene with fascination in his eyes.

“Then move away,” Sho’s voice sounds deep and husky, it makes Jun shiver. He never heard Sho use that voice before. Not even when they had sex and Sho used a deep voice to try to seduce him.

Sho sounds like he’s furious, but not to anyone in particular. Jun glances at Sho once before moving away to give Sho some room.

When Jun offered if Sho would need other equipment to proceed with his plan last night, Sho turned it down. He said he would only need his arms and they’re good. Jun had his fair share of doubts last night, but Sho had looked so sure last night that Jun decided to believe him.

And now, seeing before his eyes, Sho pulling the man up with his arm, Jun called himself from last night a fool.

Sho loops his right arm over the target’s turtleneck, bending his elbow right under the man’s chin. He puts his left arm as leverage over the right wrist, then he pulls the unconscious man up.

Sho is standing behind the target now, his arms locked around the neck. The target is shorter than Sho, so with Sho pulling him up like that, his feet dangles in the air. Jun moves closer to them.

It starts with a pull of Sho’s right arm. Jun watches excitedly as the target starts to breathe with difficulty. Sho adds the pressure on his right arm, pulling with his left arm just right.

Their target makes a movement like he’s choking, but no sound can be heard, thanks to Jun’s gag. Then he opens his eyes, looking straight at Jun. Jun can see his expression changed from surprise to recognition to anger, and it sends a pleasurable tingle over Jun’s body.

He must have recognized Jun who was introduced as the neighbor.

Sho chooses that time to relax his arms, holding the target firm enough so he has no way to wriggle free, but not putting pressure so he can breathe normally again.

“Hi,” Jun greets him, “We meet again. What a coincidence.”

The man tries to make out a sound, but of course, he’s failing. Jun laughs at that, feeling satisfied with his thorough effort of gagging.

Jun has always loved seeing people being restrained; he loved seeing people being in distress because their freedom is taken away from them. Their desperation to move, to get back their freedom is amusing for Jun.

On the target’s other attempt to make a sound, Sho pulls his arms tighter on the neck again, blocking his breathing.

Jun laughs as the man’s eyes go wider as he tries to breathe through his nose. It must have been difficult for him, breathing with his neck strangled by a pair of muscular arms like Sho’s.

Speaking of arms… Jun shifts his gaze to look under the target’s chin. Sho’s forearm flexing, the shape of his muscles contracting, his biceps pressing at the target’s neck.

And then the muscles relax again as Sho loosens his grip.

Their target still hasn’t given up on trying to free himself, now he tries to kick Sho’s shin with his legs. Sho pulls his arms to strangle the target again as payback. The pull is stronger this time because Jun can see Sho’s muscles even more prominent.

Jun wills himself to tear his gaze from Sho’s arms, and he looks at their target’s eyes.

“How does it feel?” Jun begins, “How does it feel to be helpless, trapped, unable to move, unable to do anything.”

The target tries to kick again, and Sho pulls even tighter.

“Unable to breathe,” Jun whispers close to the target’s face. He sees the target’s eyes starting to be redder, still looking at him angrily.

And then Sho lets go again, and the target exhales in relief. Jun watches as he tries to steady his breathing. Seems like he’s thinking of the best way to get out of the situation. Jun shoots a look at Sho, and Sho nods.

This time, when Sho pulls his arms, muscles stretching around the target’s neck, he doesn’t let go. He pulls and pulls and Jun can see how his muscles stretching, imagine how hard it must be to touch.

Jun keeps his eyes locked at Sho’s biceps as his arm continues pulling over the target’s neck.

On one point, their target finally stops moving, and Jun watches as the target’s eyes go bloodshot. He watches as Sho lets go of the neck, the man’s body falling on the ground.

There’s a brief moment of silence as Jun stares at Sho, and Sho stares back at him. Then Jun feels a strong force pulling him close and then pushing him back. Jun can feel the soft mattress on his back and the demanding press of lips on his mouth.

Sho is kissing him, hard and unrelenting, and Jun can only moan his protest as he kisses back with equal hunger. He feels his wrist pinned to the bed by Sho’s hands. Jun opens his hands and makes fists of them, but the grip on his wrists is persistent.

There’s an animalistic growl coming from Sho. Jun shivers. It’s the first time he hears Sho making that sound and there’s an unseen force that makes the hair on his nape stands. He can feel his heart beats faster, blood rushing to every nerve of his body.

Sho pushes closer, grinding at Jun’s crotch. This time, aside from the pressure Jun feels on his groin, he can also feel heat emitting from Sho’s body. It overwhelms him, as he feels his temperature rising too.

The kiss grows more intense as Sho sucks Jun’s tongue like he doesn’t want to give Jun a space to breathe. When Jun retaliates, trying to pull Sho’s tongue with his, Sho bites him.

The stinging pain makes Jun pull away sharply. Sho uses the moment to trace Jun’s skin. As Sho moves to his neck, Jun can feel bites and pulls on his skin. Sho is abusing his neck, and Jun can only moan at how it feels.

Jun can still hear the loud music filling the room as Sho lands a particularly hard bite on his skin. He shouts Sho’s name in pain.

That brings Sho’s mouth back to his. Sho shuts him up with another hard suck on his tongue, and the whimpers Jun makes go directly to Sho’s throat.

Sho is rutting against him, and all Jun wants is to run his hands to Sho’s back, leaving nail marks on the toned muscle, but Sho’s hold is still unrelenting.

When Sho pulls away later, tugging Jun’s bottom lip with his teeth, Jun opens his eyes to look at Sho’s eyes. The pupils are blown, like how it usually is when they just kissed the air out each other’s lungs, but there’s also something in there. Something Jun has never seen before.

If Jun doesn’t know better, he’ll say that it’s anger. But Jun knows it’s not just that. The way Sho is staring at him, dense and scorching.

It’s not just anger. It’s something _more_.

Jun moans at his realization. Sho’s force is more than that of anger, and Jun can feel himself burning under it. Sho grunts as he loses a grip on Jun’s hand. Jun instantly runs his hand to touch Sho’s side, reaching out to his back.

“Don’t,” Sho warns him, voice thick, “you dare to touch me.”

Jun pulls his hands at that, putting it back to where it was on the bed beside his head. Sho shifts, pulling both Jun’s hands over his head and pins them down with one hand.

The grip is just as firm that way, and Jun finds himself trapped.

Sho rips Jun’s shirt as soon as he’s sure Jun won’t try to touch him again, and Jun arches his back. Sho hasn’t as much as laid a hand on his chest, but Jun feels his skin so hot already.

Jun can feel the radiating heat from Sho’s body transfers to his, and he can’t do anything but give in to Sho’s touch.

There’s a pain on his clavicle where Sho just put his mouth on, and then a hard pinch on his nipple. Jun screams at the overwhelming sting.

Jun hears Sho growls before feeling a hard bite on his other nipple. Now not only the heat that is building inside Jun, the marks that Sho left on his skin start to burn.

Jun feels hot, inside, out, and all over him.

Sho stops when he reaches the band of Jun’s sweatpants, and then he yanks the thing off. Jun raises his hips just in time, saving himself from the pain that might be caused of the cloth pulling on his strained cock.

There’s a hand closing around his cock, and Jun moans when he feels it squeezing his cock. Sho runs a thumb over his slit, smearing his precome. Jun closes his eyes at the feeling, lifting his hips off the bed.

“Don’t move your hands,” Jun suddenly hears Sho ordering him, before feeling the grip on his hands loosen.

“Suck,” is Sho’s next word, and Jun opens his eyes to find Sho’s fingers in front of his face. Jun does as he’s asked, taking four of the fingers in and sucking them hard. Sho moves his fingers outside and in, fucking Jun’s mouth.

Jun moans as he runs his tongue around Sho’s digits. They keep staring into each other’s eyes as Jun does that, and Jun can see Sho’s eyes getting even darker.

Sho pulls his hand away from Jun’s mouth when he feels that it’s enough, and soon after, Jun feels a finger prodding at his entrance. Sho doesn’t take his time to push on the muscle first, just pushing one finger in, knuckles deep. Jun hisses at the pain, but then Sho’s hand on his cock squeezes, and the pleasure helps Jun to relax.

The finger inside him is pulling and pushing and feeling around, and soon, there are two fingers inside him. Sho’s hand on his cock keeps Jun distracted, and Sho pushes his lips back to kiss him to distract him even more.

Jun feels a slight burn when a third finger goes in, but then Sho grazes his prostate just so lightly, and Jun moans against Sho’s mouth.

This Sho who does things to Jun right now, with the way he’s fucking Jun’s ass and squeezing Jun’s cock as he moves his hand fast on the shaft and kissing Jun open-mouthedly with all teeth and tongue, is almost abusing, using Jun to channel something out, but Jun doesn’t find an ounce of his fiber protesting.

Instead, he feels the pressure building inside his body. Sho gets him so fast and he’s there, just right there.

Jun doesn’t get the chance to tell Sho, as Sho’s movements are all so hard and so fast and so coordinated that Jun can’t even remember his name. He comes all over Sho’s stomach without warning, and he can hear Sho’s irritated ‘tch’ before he drifts into ecstasy.

When Jun is still in the middle of his orgasm—he can still feel his cock spurting come on his stomach—he feels a cock being shoved into his mouth. Sho has pushed himself into Jun’s mouth, and, seeing how unresponsive Jun is, uses the moment to fuck into Jun’s mouth without reservation.

Sho tries to push to the back of Jun’s throat when Jun is finally down from his high, and he chokes. Jun can hear Sho snorting at him, and now, in the clear of his mind right after his orgasm, he feels anger building up inside him.

Sho is using him until he comes, and still using him after. He doesn’t know what Sho’s reason is, but they haven’t talked about this before, and it’s not something Jun can accept just like that.

Jun pulls his head to let go of Sho’s cock, and that makes Sho goes, “What do you think you’re doing?”

When Jun doesn’t answer, Sho moves down then grabs Jun’s chin with his hand, and then he kisses Jun again, as hard as before but there’s something different than the previous kisses.

Sho is coaxing Jun with the kiss. Jun swears he can feel Sho begging into the kiss, licking along Jun’s tongue and pressing almost gently.

Jun sighs. He can already feel himself melting, giving in to Sho’s wishes. He returns the kiss, showing Sho as much as he can, telling Sho to please, please don’t hurt him. Didn’t Sho promise not to hurt him?

Then Sho pulls away and looks at Jun and this time Jun sees something beneath the furious look that Jun saw there. Jun sees a hollow darkness inside, a deep sorrow underneath all the layers.

And then Jun hears Sho says it. “Please.”

That pains every single part of his being, and Jun nods his head. “Do whatever you wish with me,” he whispers his answer.

At that, Sho returns to the angry person he was before, pushing his cock back to Jun’s mouth. This time, Jun takes it all in. He lets Sho uses his mouth, fucking it to his pleasure. Sho hits his throat, and Jun tries to keep it open so Sho can get deeper inside.

When Jun can see Sho’s balls contracting, when Jun is sure Sho is just right there, when Jun just gets ready to hollow his cheek to help Sho along, Sho pulls out of his mouth.

Then he orders Jun to turn around to get on all fours, and Jun obeys.

Jun can hear Sho slicking himself up behind him, probably using Jun’s cum or the lube he has retrieved from somewhere. Then, Jun feels Sho’s blunt head on his hole.

Sho isn’t wearing a condom this time, and Jun moans Sho’s name as he feels the warm skin of Sho’s cock without anything else on the way. Jun moves his hips back to meet Sho’s thrust, and he doesn’t miss the way Sho’s breath hitch.

It doesn’t take long for Sho to move to ram himself inside Jun. Jun meets him back thrust after thrust, eager on giving Sho the satisfaction he needs.

But then Sho changes his angle, and Jun outright wails. He doesn’t expect Sho to hit his prostate, and the pleasure is too much for him. Sho keeps that angle to continue fucking him, and Jun doesn’t even realize that he’s already hard again until he feels Sho’s hand around his cock, squeezing and pulling.

Soon, Sho’s rhythm starts to falter, his thrusts no longer matches his pulls, and then Jun gets to the edge. A hard thrust against his prostate and a brutal squeeze of his cock are what tips him over, and then he can feel Sho shooting cum inside him as he comes on the sheet below.

Sho slumps on top of him after they both get down from their high. Jun tries to roll over, he wants to look at Sho’s face. But Sho’s body is pinning him down, and he can hear Sho’s protest. “Don’t.”

So Jun stays in that position, trying to be content with feeling Sho’s body pinning him down; he did want to feel Sho’s muscles ever since he saw him stretching up earlier. But then Jun senses Sho’s body shaking, and he tries harder to free himself.

It doesn’t work; Sho pins him harder instead.

“Don’t. I’m sorry,” Jun hears Sho’s whisper, pleading.

And then he feels warm rolling on his neck. Jun is sure Sho is crying right now. He wants to wriggle himself free, wants to look at Sho’s face, wants to hug him to say that everything is okay even though he doesn’t know what is making Sho cry now. But he can’t.

Sho won’t let him go, and the exhaustion catches up and forces Jun to sleep.

\---

It’s still dark outside when Jun wakes up to a soft kiss brushing against his temple. When he opens his eyes, he sees Sho looking at him with warm eyes. Sho is holding him close, and Jun feels a blanket over their bodies.

Jun wants to ask about what happened before, but Sho must have read into it and acts faster.

“We need to get rid of the body before the sun is up,” Sho says with a hoarse voice, and Jun knows that everything else will have to wait.

The both of them get ready fast and have their coffee before loading the body into Sho’s car and drive away. Sho has told him on the night they planned the murder about where they’ll be dropping the body, and even though he has put his trust on planning the murder to Jun, he makes the plan of getting rid of the body himself. The only thing he asked of Jun is to help him doing it.

Two and a half hours later, after a long drive to and a long drive back, they’re finally back in their apartment building. When Jun is about to open the door of his own place, Sho stops him. He says that there’s something he has to say.

So there they are now, sitting on the sofa in Sho’s living room. Jun stares at the speaker set. He doesn’t remember one of them turning it off last night, but he’s sure he didn’t hear anything when he drifted off to sleep last night.

Probably he was just too tired.

Sho calls his name after that, snapping Jun out of his thought. “About last night,” Sho takes a deep breath, “I’m—I’m really sorry. It’s—”

Sho is stuttering, but Jun doesn’t have the heart to stop him or help him to get his words together. He realizes that Sho from last night is someone entirely different, and being a person with emotional instability himself, Jun thinks that there must be an explanation in that.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you, I never have the intention to,” Sho reaches Jun’s hands and gives them a squeeze, “It’s just—every time I murdered someone, the moment after I’m sure they’re dead, I—”

Jun pulls his hand out of Sho’s hold to squeeze Sho’s hand. He wants Sho to know that it’s okay. It’s fine for Sho to tell him. He’s here, Sho isn’t the only one wanting to protect Jun.

Seeing the Sho from last night makes Jun ache to protect him too.

“I know I’m doing it for a reason, I know they deserve it, but—” Sho drops his head to their joined hands pushing his forehead on it, “Every time I’ve done it, I’d feel angry at myself.”

Sho’s voice croaks at the end, and Jun squeezes harder. It’s okay, he wants to say, we can get through it together, he tries to tell Sho with the hold of his hand.

“Like, I want to kill myself for doing such a horrible thing,” Sho’s body shakes, “But I could never bring myself to.”

“And last night,” Sho is sobbing now, Jun can feel the tears rolling on the side of their hands, “Last night I made you do it with me. Last night I was so angry at myself and at you because—Because we made last night happen.”

At that Jun pulls his hands to then wrap them around Sho, hugging him. Sho shakes violently against Jun’s body, but he doesn’t try to let go. Jun feels Sho’s hand reaching over his back instead, hugging him back.

When the shaking has subsided, and Jun is sure that Sho has calmed down, Jun pulls away from the hug. He looks right to Sho’s eyes.

“Sho-san,” Jun starts, holding Sho’s hands inside his, “Don’t worry about that. Starting from now, don’t worry about that. Okay?”

Jun leans closer, and he kisses Sho’s lips gently. You have me now, Sho-san, he says, wordlessly, to the kiss.


End file.
